Post # 1
I am about to start getting my thank you cards ready!
I have a bit of an issue with one of my closest friends. Now this is someone whose wedding I was very involved with a few years back, big bachelorette trip, big wedding, big celebrations
She has been a dear friend to me for a long time and she did participate in my preparations as well (was not in the wedding).
We were going through the list of names for the thank you cards this weekend (we had done a list when opening gifts so we could personalize the cards as some people got us very personal and thoughtful gifts)
To my surprise (this is almost two months after the wedding) I realize all the names are on the list except my dear friend’s (and her husband’s)
I went through the cards again to make sure I did not miss anything. I didn’t.
I am a bit puzzled by this. I am not talking about a gift or money or anything of the sort.
Simply a card, a personal note, something I could keep as a memory of someone special to me at mmy wedding….
I had already planned to personalize her thank you cards with print out photos of her and her husband from our wedding, etc. and I will still be sending her everything I just feel a bit weird.
I have seen her since the wedding and at no point did she mention anything (we’ve had a few guests call and apologize and a few cards that were late)
I will have to let this go but it is a bit hard to understand.
Thanks for listening
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
It happens. In the thank you note, just say thank you for celebrating our day with us…etc.
Post # 3
Eh, sometimes it happens. It would be nice if everyone wrote a nice, heartfelt note for all major points in your life, but that just doesn’t always happen. And it’s nice when you get gifts for your wedding, but that doesn’t always happen, either.
I wouldn’t read too much into it. They came and celebrated your marriage with you, and that should be the important part. I had several people that didn’t get us a gift or card or anything for our wedding. Some that were even in the bridal party. No big deal. I sent them all thank you cards for coming (though that’s a bit controvertial) as that’s what I appreciated most.
Post # 4
There’s the old lore that guests have up to a year to send a gift. Many guests take this to heart and do wait quite a while. Even those guests who think a year is too long will still wait several months (out of laziness, until they find the perfect gift for their dear friend, etc.). I would give your friend a little longer to send you a gift. If it has been 3-4 months, I would check in with her, if you want to. There’s a way to have this conversation without it being awkward or accusatory. The reason I would have this conversation is that, while gifts are not actually required, it’s most likely your dear friend either got you a gift or wants to get you a gift. If you are direct and sincere with her and let her know that you are only asking because you wanted to make sure gifts didn’t get misplaced or lost it will be an easy conversation to have. No matter what though, a wedding gift is only a small material gesture. Good friendships don’t come around all too often – I wouldn’t let the lack of a gift get to you at all!
Post # 5
You just never know what’s going on with other people. No matter how much we think we know someone’s situation, we really only know what they want us to know. They could be wallowing in debt from his gambling addiction for all you know. It may have been all they could do to get to your wedding in the appropriate clothes.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your point of view) life isn’t tit for tat. Write her a heartfelt thank you noet for attending your wedding.
Post # 6
littlelostbride: Thank her for coming to the wedding.
Post # 7
littlelostbride: I have a friend who insisted on attending our wedding to my face, insisted she be my MOH (my sister was), insisted she come to my bach and shower…..I have never met anyone so insistent on being part of everything…..only to have her skip the shower, ditch the bach, and show up after the ceremony to our wedding….with not even a card.
I was a bit taken aback by how bold she was with being a part of everything and then that–
there will always be people who surprise the heck out of you!
Post # 8
I’d ask her if the card got lost in the mail just to remind her because that’s just rude! It’s my biggest pet peeve EVER when people don’t bring even a card to something they’re invited to. I’m glad you said that you don’t care about the money or gift because that’s another issue but it’s very improper of her not to bring just a small card wishing you well on your wedding day! Very tacky and I’d say something, nicely of course and if she asks why, just say that you didn’t want to forget her thank you card and explain how you’re doing them.
Post # 9
This would make me a little sad too, so I understand. But since she is a dear friend, I would just give her a pass. Logic would dictate that BECAUSE she is so close, she should’ve gotten you a card, but maybe because she helped you a lot she thought that was enough. I would give her the benefit of the doubt.
Post # 10
You don’t need to write thank you cards just for attending, your reception was the thank you. Wait till she sends a gift, and then send a thank you- if not, no card, not awkward, easy.
Post # 11
If she helped out significantly with preparations and was not asked to be in the bridal party, I would consider that a gift in itself. Also, as others have said, you don’t know what she’s dealing with privately. She may have had to decide between not attending & coming with a gift. That was probably an awkward decision for her so it seems unkind to rub it in. If she really was just a bad friend or rude person, I think you would know it already.
Post # 12
Thank you for all your answers!! It’s nice to get different perspectives on this situation!
I will definitely not mention this to her simply because it would make things even more awkward
Ultimately, people do what they want to do and yes, sometimes things that seem obvious to us are not to other people.
As far as not knowing what is going on in her life (as in money problems), I disagree. I was not discussing gifts but a note. Gifts are at everyone’s discretion and I would never expect a gift from anyone close to me or otherwise.
Writing someone a note is a free simple personal gesture 🙂
Thank you again!! It was nice to get this off my chest and move on!
Post # 13
MrsBuesleBee: That is what I thought was the proper etiqutte? We had some people not bring a card ect, I was under the impression I do not need to send a thank you for attending as it would seem like fishing for gifts? Now im confused
Post # 14
Boxerlover24: From my understanding….. you send a thank you card to guests that attended the wedding. Basically a “thank you for celebrating our special day with us”. For those guests that brought a gift “thank you for celebrating with us. We greatly appreciate your generous gift”.
IMO… everyone that attends gets a card…. regardless of gift.
IMO…. everyone gets a card that did not attend but sends a gift……..
Post # 15
Boxerlover24: yes you are correct, that is the proper etiquette. Maybe if they flew in from abroad you could thank them for being there, but you don’t just send TY notes to whoever attends.