Post # 1
Fiance and I bought FCIL a crockpot for her bridal shower and we never got a thank you note. I don’t really blame her for this, as her step-sister and step-grandmother were supposed to be filling these out and sending them. But, they should’ve let her know that they couldn’t handle that task. I bought an old friend of mine a wedding gift that I really could’ve done without buying. I felt she deserved it, though. Seven weeks later, I still haven’t received a thank you. Her honeymoon was six days, she’s had time. She doesn’t work, so I know for a fact she’s had time. Then, Future Mother-In-Law and I haven’t received a thank you from other FCIL who got married today. We got her a shower gift and we’ve never gotten a thank you.
I know this is a common theme here on the etiquette boards, but I haven’t really experienced it until recently. When you go out of your way to make a meaningful purchase for someone with your own money, it is only fair to be recognized in some sort of way.
Post # 3
I totally agree but sorry to say simple things like etiquette are lost on most people.
I had a no gifts wedding so I only have to fill out a handful thank-you notes. I didn’t have a bridal shower or even a hen party because everyone seems to be hurting financially.
Post # 4
I agree! A friend of mine got married a year ago and has never sent out thank you notes, even though she’s talked about needing to. I think it’s so rude, we put a lot of effort into their wedding!
Post # 5
We went to 5 different weddings between April and July this year, bought gifts for each couple, and it’s November and we’ve only received Thank You cards from 2 of them. I would never not send Thank You cards, but what can you do?
Post # 6
It’s only been seven weeks?
It took me 2.5 months to get mine out. And I just got a ty for a wedding from May last week. Life gets in the way, and they either do or they don’t. And some people ust don’t care about etiquette and it’s one of those things you store away for future reference.
You seem to have a lot of issues with your in-laws – hopefully they aren’t as bad as they seem, because it’s likely that things will not change after the wedding. And unless they aren’t going to be a big part of your life, it can really make life hell. I grew up in a house where the in-laws hated my mother with a passion. Somehow, my parents are still married, but it’s done irreparable harm to their relationship and to us kids as well.
Post # 7
@hisgoosiegirl: ?? I’m not sure how this turned into my in-laws hating me? or me hating them? I actually don’t hate my Future In-Laws at all. Well, I despise my Future Sister-In-Law and don’t care for my Future Brother-In-Law and have had occasional issues with FCIL… other than that, there is a whole, huge family that I adore and am happy to be apart of… and they feel the same way about me. I sometimes vent about Future Sister-In-Law, Future Brother-In-Law, and FCIL here but that’s because I sometimes need to get things off my chest and have nowhere else to go. Like I said, FCIL’s lack of a thank you for the crockpot really wasn’t her fault because someone else planned to do them for her. The other FCIL is a very, very sweet person and she and I get along fabulously. I’m just shocked she hasn’t done thank yous yet. She’s a stickler for rules and perfection, a very “proper” person. The other person wasn’t an in-law at all. Like I said, she is an old friend. Yeah, seven weeks isn’t always enough time for someone who works and stuff. But everyday she gets on FB claiming she’s bored at home with nothing to do. Why not tackle some thank you cards, you know?
Post # 8
Just try to chill a little bit–some people take longer to send theirs out than others.
Post # 9
I haven’t gotten a ty from my uncle whose wedding was in February. I had to travel to NJ for the wedding, take time off work and still got him a gift. My parents (my dad is his brother) did not get one either and I know they gave a very generous gift on top of travelling to the wedding. We were my uncle’s only family members to attend. And to top it all off, he and his wife RSVP’d to my wedding and decided to tell my dad (not me!) that they weren’t coming 2 weeks before the wedding. My parents have the card from him to give me, and you can bet once I send it I will be sending him a thank you note!
Post # 10
It’s permissible to send out thank you’s up to a year after your wedding. Life gets in the way sometimes. Mine totally got sent out just under the year mark due to multiple life situations getting in the way. Better late than never.
Post # 11
Well from my understanding a couple who gets married technically have 1 year to send out thank yous out. I would just really chill. And honestly what are you going to do with that thank you? Just throw it away anyway.
Post # 12
The FCIL who just got married today may just be sending her thanks yous at once, like “thank you for the wedding and shower gift” to save some paper.
Post # 13
@Pinksapphire: I guess that was a wrong assumption on my part. You seem to have at least one rant/vent post a week about your in-laws (mostly about living with them). I’m just trying to warn that it will not improve after the wedding – in my mom’s case, it got much, much worse. So it wasn’t just about this thread, but several I’ve seen recently.
In any case, hopefully the thank yous show up. If it still really bothers you, you could always ask them the next time you see them how they liked ‘x’ gift or if they’ve been able to use them.
Post # 14
Unfortunately, you are mistaken. Guests have up to a year to send you a gift, but you are still expected to respond with the thank you as soon as possible. The gold standard is to send the thank you note before you go to sleep on the night your receive the gift.
Guests should understand though at the time of a wedding you will have lots of notes to write and should give you a grace period. 7 weeks is more then enough grace, IMO. Even if they took a one month honeymoon, it still gives them 3-4 weeks in which to write the notes.
Post # 15
@andielovesj: what about if you are waiting for photos to come back? I had to wait over 8 weeks for that, another 10 days to have my thank yous made, and mailed mine about 3 weeks after that. I’m sure that ‘etiquette’ dictates that I do not wait for photos, but I know multiple guests appreciated getting to see a few pictures of the day, so I would rather do that than have mailed them immediately.
I guess as long as I get one at some point, I don’t care.
Post # 16
@andielovesj: There are no etiquette police around here, thanks. Shit happens, life gets in the way, people have lives and jobs and kids. Emily Post says 3 months for traditional etiquette but it’s commonly accepted to take up to a year nowadays.
Like I said before, better late than never. Would you rather get a thanks a year after or no thanks at all?