Post # 1
I went to a bridal shower this weekend, and many of the older ladies there were discussing the declining art of thank you cards. They went on for roughly 20 minutes about how it seems that “brides now a days” don’t send thank you cards after a wedding. It seemed like everyone there had been “slighted” by someone in the last year or two.
I plan on doing thank you cards, I always send TYs and usually bring hostess gifts. But the conversation at the bridal shower made me think about other weddings I have attended recently. In the past two years I have been a guest at six weddings. I have received two thank you cards. TWO! I received a Thank You card for all six showers, but only two wedding gifts. Since I received a Thank You for all the showers, and not weddings I starting wondering why. I figured that the shower is a gift giving event and warrants a Thank You card, but maybe brides feel like inviting people to the wedding and feeding them and giving them drinks and a parting gift “favor” is thank you enough? I would have never stopped to think about it this whole thing if the shower guests weren’t discussing it.
So how about it, Bees? Is the thank you card turning into something of the past, like the formal RSVP card (it’s becoming common to RSVP online or by phone)?
Or is this just a coincidence?
Post # 3
I think a lot of people dont do them because they forget or dont care i guess.
FH NEVER EVER sends thank you cards not sure why, maybe because his mom didnt drill it into him like mine did? or because hes lazy and doesnt take the time?
My family if you dont get a thank you you no longer get gifts so my TY’s go out ASAP normally within a week the max 2 weeks. normally they are written but its the damn stamps that take me forever because i dont ever mail anything so i never have them!
Post # 4
You actually bring up a very good point about Wedding Thank You cards vs. Shower. I never thought about it that way until reading your post. Your guests are acknowledging your marriage by buying a gift and in return you are providing them with food and beverage, favors, etc. a night of fun. So maybe a Thank You card isn’t really necessary.
But regardless people expect them and like the ladies you spoke to, people get really mad when they don’t get one in a timely fashion which is the main reason why I am donig them.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant
I’m doing thank yous for everything. It’s a total pain, but I think people really do appreciate it. I think a lot of couples don’t do it because life just gets in the way. But yes, I haven’t gotten a lot of thank you cards in the last couple years either. I hadn’t remebered that until I sat back to think about it. Strange indeed. But I guess I don’t feel all that slighted though. It does make me wonder if they actually received my gift though.
Post # 6
I think you should expect a thank you from both the shower and wedding. I know I will be doing TY’s for the wedding, I’ve already sent all mine out from the shower! It’s such a nice thing to do, I don’t think I’ve ever not smiled when I get a thank you card in the mail, they are just simple, nice things to do, that show that you care as much about the person your thanking as they care about you.
Post # 7
I am doing thank yous. . I wonder about TYs that I didn’t receive. I think esp. for older people, it’s very rude not to send one. I think that brides just get overwhelmed after the wedding, they get put off, and then people think it’s too late to send them
After we had our son, this happened to me. I ended up sending thank yous when he was about 3 months old. major opps. I also never sent one to an old coworker whose address i didn’t have… I’m still guilty about that.
Post # 8
Of course we’re doing TYs. They might take a little while since we haven’t recieved our cards yet, and we want to take photos of us using our new household items, but we plan to get them out before the two month mark.
Post # 9
I’m definitely doing them… like a PP said, in my family it is definitely expected and my mom drilled it into me at a young age. My mom will probably call me everyday after the wedding saying “did you do your Thank You cards yet?” until she gets hers in the mail and hears from my grandmother that she received hers lol.
My wedding is Nov. 27, and I really like sending out Christmas cards… So I have a huge time crunch deadline because I have to get out my TYs in time to still get my Xmas cards out before Christmas!
Post # 10
I have done thank you cards for both our shower and the wedding. I personally found it very rude when i didn’t receive them from friends for their weddings. and yes i does make me wonder if they even received my gift.
for future brides, i definitely recommend figuring out the thank you card situation before your wedding. buy them before your shower for your shower, and figure out what you want as a wedding thank you card so you can prepare before the time comes.
Post # 11
Personally, (and this may sound a bit harsh but it’s my feelings on the matter) I think it is pure laziness and a sense of entitlement when brides don’t send out thank you card for both the wedding and the shower. Despite the fact the etiquette states that when you attend a wedding, you bring a gift, no one HAS to get you anything and to not be willing to spend 3 minutes to write someone a nice note to thank them for their generousity and thinking of you is simply rude.
I’m offended when I don’t recieve thank yous after I’ve attended a wedding and I sure hope that thank you cards do not go by the wayside in the future.
Post # 12
its a generation thing. Every women in my family over the age of 60 thinks thank you cards are absolutely required for every gift; be it wedding, birthday, xmas, etc.
however, i have attened several weddings as well where i either didnt get a thank you at all, or didnt get one for 6 months or later. For me, I hardly noticed or cared. However, if this happened to my mom/aunt/grannie…they would bitch and moan about it non stop for months. I think the tradition will eventually fade away, which makes me a little sad since stationary is so beautiful and there really isnt anything as personal as a hand-written note. Oh well!
Post # 13
I will definitely be sending thank-yous for both the shower and the wedding. Although, I’m also in the habit of sending them out after Christmas and my birthday.
Post # 14
Almost everyone I know is doing / has done them. I even got a thank you note for just attending a wedding, not even giving a gift (I know, I’m bad…I was a poor student! 🙂 ). The one time I did not get a thank you note was when I gave a gift at a wedding with 450 guests, and I was a close friend of the bride. I think she figured she could skip my note.
Post # 15
@TwinkleToesJMU: I really don’t see it as a generational thing – I’m 23 and writing thank you notes isn’t even a question in my mind. It is what you do and is the proper response to being given gifts. I also expect to see them when I attend weddings.
Post # 16
I am actually working on my TY’s from my shower this morning.
I have gone to 4 destination weddings in the last two years, and we have gone to extreme expense to go to these weddings of our close friends, along with their showers, home receptions etc…and we have not gotten thank you notes….While I dont think you *have* to send ty’s for simply attending, I think (especially) at a destination wedding where people go above and beyond to be there, it is a really nice thing to do. Still waiting on ty’s from all the shower/wedding gifts….and very annoyed about it. Did they get the gift? Did the card fall off? I want to know they at least received it!!!
And the shower/wedding presents are a must for TY’s…even if you don’t send a note to every guest to thank them for coming, at least let them know that you got the present, the card didnt get lost and you know that they brought you a present!