Post # 1
Hi bees! I have a question about thank you cards. I feel like I’m a bit of a stickler for them… We have a five-hour layover on our way home from the honeymoon at an airport with not much to do, so I thought this would be a good time to knock them out. And adding a couple boxes of cards to the luggage seems doable 🙂 So I went ahead and picked up a some thank you cards that were vaguely in keeping with our wedding theme/colours from Michaels. I didn’t want to wait on getting wedding photos because we’ve been told to expect 10-12 weeks, plus I’m working full-time and doing my Master’s full-time so can totally see how easy it would be to procrastinate.
Now I’m reading that the etiquette is for thank you cards to have the married couple’s new name on the front? My fiancée and I are actually picking a new last name together (my grandmother’s maiden name) so I can see some benefit to that, but I assumed we’d just have that on the return labels. Given that I haven’t actually attended a wedding where the couple sent thank you cards (including one which was a potluck, so we cooked AND brought a gift! sigh…) I’m not sure whether having the married names on the cards is still a common practice. Is this going to be a big thing that people pick up on? Should I be returning the more “generic” thank you cards we already purchased and ordering new custom ones? I feel like the wedding planning process has skewed my perspective to the point I no longer know if I’m obsessing over insignificant details or not!
Thanks in advance for any thoughts 🙂
Post # 2
Whoops I used generic cards from Michael’s. I never heard that rule
Post # 3
Our thank you cards had our first names on the front, but nothing about either of our surnames. That passed muster with my very etiquette conscious Mother-In-Law.
Post # 4
I think you can get away with generic cards.
Post # 5
I’ve never heard of that etiquette either. I’m just buying generic ones on Amazon.
Post # 6
If that is a rule it’s a modern one, thank you cards themselves are an update of the plain thank you note- so I wouldn’t worry. You can put your new surname on the from address to include it.
Post # 7
Thank you cards that are thoughtfully written are etiquette enough. I would rather have a prompt thank you card than await a more sophisticated one.
Btw congrats on ft work and school! It’s tough!
Post # 8
You are obsessing over insignificant details.
Personal stationery is the fashion-statement of those of us who love the insignificant details, regardless of our marital status. Social notes are a gracious vintage conceit that lets us enjoy things like the scratch of a good fountain pen over well-laid paper. They are a hobby and artform to sustain over the years, not something to pick up just because you happen to be getting married.
If you love good stationery and social notes, you probably have a nice collection of foldover cards already, and if you REALLY love stationery, you probably have personalized stationery already that has your unmarried name on the front. If you use the title “Ms” and plan not to change your name, then you can go on using that stationery. In fact, you can arguably go on using it even if you currently go by “Miss”: I have a niece who did not change her name or her stationery and even her credit cards still say “Miss Penelope Phipps” even after nearly thirty years of marriage. However, if you are changing your name, or planning to take up the title “Mrs”, then you need to replace your existing stationery. In that case, if you want to you may use joint stationery for the first year of marriage (only). This is a special dispensation from normal etiquette, for newlyweds only. After the first year you have to go back to stationery that has only your own name on it.
Now, if you don’t REALLY love good stationery, there’s nothing wrong with generic fold-over notes, although Chapters or Paperchase ( or Barnes and Noble if you are in the States) has much nicer ones than Michaels. Etiquette snobs prefer that the outside not be labelled “Thank-you”, simply because we like the delayed gratification of having to open the note-card to find out what sentiments it conveys. This ban refers primarily to the cards with the ornate gold THANK-YOU covering the entire front of the card. A subtle “Thank-you” that works into the design of the card is not worth worrying about.
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
It’s absolutely fine, and good for you for getting right on them! That will mean the world to your guests. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a thank you card with the last name on the front, FYI.
Post # 10
I assure you there is no etiquette about design preferences. A promptly sent, hand written thank you note is all there is to it.
Post # 11
Generic thank you cards, or any thank you card at all, will be sufficient. I’ve never cared about the design of a card, only that the couple is gracious and appreciative.
Post # 12
Thank you so much for all of your insight! I’m glad to hear this is one of those overthinking moments 🙂