(Closed) Thank you cards–everyone gets one, right?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Hm, I guess I would just send them to people who gave a gift.   Assuming that you verbally thanked everyone for coming already.

 

But I’ll be interested to see what others say.

Post # 4
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Everyone who attends gets a thank you.  If you sent any thank you notes for gifts sent before the wedding, you do not need to send a second one.

Post # 5
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We didn’t send thank yous to people who attended.  We figured that feeding them and giving them free booze was enough of a thanks.

Post # 6
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I was always told that everyone who attends gets a Thank You.  I haven’t verified this with any source other than my mother, however.

Post # 7
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yea I think everyone who attends gets a thank you note and if they gave a gift and you havent already sent them one include that in the note as well 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Whoa, seriously?!?!?! I’ve never heard this before, we only sent TY’s for gifts recieved…

Post # 9
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@trailmix: I’ve only ever heard about it since I started reading weddingbee! We will only be sending thank yous for gifts received.

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m definitely in the “thank yous are for gifts” camp. You/your family are the hosts of the wedding and gave your guests a token of appreciation for their attendance in the form of food, drink, and entertainment.

Perhaps if they didn’t get you a gift, but did something like a reading or a musical performance, then I would still send a thank you for their participation. But just being a “regular” guest…no obligation there.

Post # 11
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I say thank yous for all that attend. In your notes, you thank people for the gifts AS WELL as their attendance. but if they don’t give a gift, their attendence means nothing?

I understand its rude not to give a gift. I would never go to a wedding empty handed, but it seems really shallow to snub people for their bad ettiquette. Its not etiquette is “an eye for an eye”.

I’m surprised that I seem to be in the minority. does anyone think its proper to send thank yous to all attending guests, regardless of gifts?

Post # 12
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think that you are snubbing people who attended and didn’t give gifts by not sending them a thank you card. It doesn’t seem like “an eye for an eye” retaliation…I just don’t think that people who attended need to be sent thank you cards.

We sent thank you cards to everyone who gave us a gift, and also to some people who had to travel a long way to attend (but didn’t give us a gift). I wasn’t being rude to the others by not sending them a thank you card for their attendance…I thanked them at the wedding, and anything more seems like overkill to me!

Post # 13
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m only doing thank yous for those who gave a gift or card. I am giving favors to all guests with a little thank you for attending note on the bottom at the wedding. So I think this is sufficient. I’m also doing a speech thanking everyone for coming at the wedding reception.

Post # 14
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I just thought of one more thing to add…would you thank people with a personal thank you card if they came to a party at your house? It seems like you would thank them for attending when you saw them, but sending them a thank you card just for coming to your party is like crazy overkill to me. I feel like it’s the same thing for a wedding, if people attended and didn’t bring a gift. Of course you are happy they are there, but I don’t think they need to be sent a thank you note just for attending.

Post # 15
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m curious to know how exactly you would write thank you cards to EVERYONE who attended.  My wedding had 300 guests and if it weren’t for the gifts and cards we received, I would have NO recollection of who actually made it and who didn’t in the weeks following.  Not all of our guests signed our guest book and some of the guests who rsvp’d “yes” did not come, and some who rsvp’d “no” showed up.  We thanked each and every one of our guests for coming on the day of the wedding, but I think that is probably plenty.  I would feel TERRIBLE if I mistakenly sent a thank you to someone who I thought was there but actually was not.

Post # 16
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would send one to everyone who attended – thank people for their travel, their time, and their presence. 🙂

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