(Closed) Thank you cards–everyone gets one, right?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hold the phone – People attended your wedding and didn’t give you a gift?!  No thank you!  You and your parents hosted them at an event.  Thank you notes are for gifts, or if they did something for you (like made the flower arrangements or officiated the ceremony, etc).

Post # 18
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

View original reply
@mrs.rader: Simply hosting an event where you are REQUESTING the presence of a guest (which means they are taking time out of their day and likely traveling to your location) does not, by any means, require that guest to give you a gift.  The primary reason for a guest to attend a wedding is to celebrate the bride and groom, not to give a gift. They should be thanked in some way for attending, whether it be a thank you card or in person on the day of the wedding.

Post # 19
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We are most definitely sending a thankyou card to all those that attended our wedding, AND to all the people who were so sweet to sent us a nice card to congratulate us, regardless of whether they gave us a gift. To us, the fact that they were there to share our special day with us is the most important, and we’d like to thank them for that. The lovely gifts we have recieved are ofcourse an added bonus which we really appreciate, but we honestly would have been fine had people not brought us gifts. We plan on making a photo-postcard and will be adding a personal message.

Post # 20
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

View original reply
@chocolatemalt: I can see what you mean by the party thing, but then I wonder: do you send out special thank you cards to those who brought you a gift to a party you held at your place? I wouldn’, as I would thank them for coming and gifting me right there and then.

Our wedding however is something special, different from any other party, gathering or birthday get together I can think of. So to me/us sending out the thank you cards is not just to thank them for any gifts we might have recieved but also to thank them for sharing with us that very special moment. 🙂

Post # 21
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I plan on sending out a Thank You note to EVERYONE who attends our wedding. Gift or NO gift. My fiance doesn’t even want to register for gifts and would like to have us set up a fund where they can donate to a local food bank. Honestly, I will not be offended if people don’t give us gifts or make donations, or whatever, considering we will have people coming in from out of state, out of the country and I truly believe their presence is the present. That’s just me though.

Post # 22
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Every guest receives a thankyou note. Whether they brought a gift or not is irrelevant.

Post # 23
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

From an etiquette standpoint, thank you notes should be written for gifts, not for attending.

I know people mean well, but it can look like you are pointing out that they didn’t get you a gift.

Post # 24
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Um, I think I’d send everyone a gift. Because I am thankful that they shared in my day with me. Though I’d never thought about that before now! 🙂

Post # 25
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@cakegal:I agree with this. I think sending a thank you card to someone who attended but did not give a gift would be like pointing out “thanks for coming [where the hell was the gift?].” But I am a little sensitive so maybe that’s just me.

Overall, I would agree that the reception, food, and drinks as well as a verbal “thanks for coming!” is good enough. Those who sent gifts or cards will get a thank you in the mail.

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