Post # 1
FH and I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago. It was one of his best friend’s wedding. It was a beautiful event. Crazy multicultural ceremony and reception. We all joked it was a United Nations meet as there were people of soo so many places!
I found very interesting that FH says we need to send them a card. I ask what card. He says a thank you card. I asked him about it and he explained apparently guests are the ones who send thank you notes around here! As a thank you for treating them to food, drinks and for including them in the couple’s celebration of such a special moment. I thought that is the coolest thing ever! Especially because traditionally no one is expected to bring expensive gifts or give money to the couple. People tend to give cook books and cute stuff like that.
I think that is really cool. In my country we are all over the place as we used to belong to Spain and now we belong to the US so we are like crazy teenagers with a very mixed up identity and culture LOL
Thank you notes are not the norm for us. We hand out little cards with the favors and personally thank our guests right at the ceremony
This topic was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Sporty-Bee.
Post # 2
Interesting to read; thank you cards are not a tradition in my country as well (I had never heard of them before reading Bee, but apparently they are a big deal in US). That said, our weddings are in general smaller and last longer, so we are able to talk and thank our guests in person during the event.
Post # 3
Sporty-Bee: When you say “around here,” where exactly do you mean? I don’t consider it a privilege to attend someone’s wedding and I can’t imagine sending the couple a thank you card. That’s a very interesting norm I’ve never heard of!
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I literally could not find thank you cards in this country– Czech Republic. I couldn’t believe it! You can find single cards for special occasions, and even blank cards, but there were NO simple thank you cards, much less BOXES of cards, which were what I wanted.
I lived here for 8 years in the 90s and my mom was Czech. I had never been aware of this small cultural difference until it was time to send my wedding present thank yous. Funny how things differ culture to culture.
I do like the idea of sending thank yous to the people who host parties. So why not weddings? it’s a great idea!
Post # 5
Sporty-Bee: what a lovely idea! 🙂
Post # 6
Inmara: haha me neither!!! I read about them here. Same thing for engagement shoots and many other things! That’s part of the fun. Seeing all the different traditions and etiquette in every country! The other day there was a post from a South African bride and in it she shared a little bit of info of their celebrations. Pretty cool! We also thank guests in the wedding.
Post # 7
somethingblue04: we are in Europe right now and the wedding was in Spain. FH is German and the couple are also from Europe. Different nationalities. I’d never been to a wedding with such a big mix of people. There were people from all over Europe, a girl from Africa who actually works for the UN (lol) ,people from the US, a guy from Brazil and me from Puerto Rico.
I can see myself sending cards if that’s the tradition where we go. The same way it is not the tradition in my country to send thank you cards at all after a wedding but I would send some if I was marrying someone from a country where that is the tradition and we had guests from said country. IDK probably being constantly exposed to cultural differences has made me more open and accepting of other people’s way of doing things. What I’ve found is In general, European weddings are not huge activities where a fortune is spent and where guests are expected to reciprocate with gifts. People tend to be more appreciative of whatever little detail someone gives them. So given that background, I can see how guests can be motivated to send a thank you note for a very wonderful evening full of great food, drinks and music. See, people might not see it as a privilege but they certainly don’t see it as the couple’s obligation to provide more than the basics. Something to eat and drink. Whatever it is and I guess if you put more effort that is definitely appreciated.
In general, at least here in Germany, I don’t see people giving others expensive gifts for birthdays, weddings etc. It’s usually cards, flowers, wine, a little something that shows appreciation. Maybe it’s just where I live here. I can’t tell because this is not my home country. In Puerto Rico we do give more expensive stuff in birthdays, Weddings. Not so much in baby showers unless it’s very close family or a best friend if you feel like giving her something super nice. Example: I bought the crib for my childhood friend when she had her first baby. And for my best friend who I adore I bought a traditional hand made dress with a blanket for her baby girl. That was close to $300. That would never fly here in Germany. At least not in the area where we are from! Lol
Post # 8
prahajess: hahaha I can imagine you searching everywhere and not being able to find them!
And yes, I don’t know what is so hard about weddings. If we go to a nice dinner party we are grateful for the invitation and appreciative right? Why not the same for a wedding when we know they are even more expensive and hard to plan! Hhehe. I don’t know. I thought it’s a cute and nice thing. A little note along the lines of “dear X and Y, thank you for making us part of your beautiful wedding. It was a nice evening where we had a good time and enjoyed lovely food, drinks and music. We hope this is only the beginning of many good things to come to your new family. Blessings, Z” That’s what I am thinking of sending in that thank you card. And a Puerto Rican cookbook that has the best of or recipes 🙂
Post # 9
Tinatiny1: right? this is not my culture but in general love the tendency to be more appreciative about little things over here (Europe)
Post # 10
“Bread and butter” letters are correct on both sides of the Atlantic and both sides of the English channel. There are large segments of society that have only a passing acquaintance with formal etiquette, and many whose only use for the term “etiquette” is for the special case of wedding formalities, while indulging in common vulgarity as the norm for their everyday lives. So it is unsurprising that many people have never heard of thanking their hosts.
But the general rule of good manners is, that on the day following any substantial entertainment, guests should write a note to their hostess thanking her for her hospitality. “Substantial entertainment” may not include the ‘privilege’ of attending a wedding ceremony, but it certainly includes a sit-down dinner, and even more-so a sit-down dinner accompanied by dancing.
Note that I said “bread-and-butter notes” not cards. Most properly they are written on your personal engraved stationery. But you may buy a one-off card and write your note in that instead if you feel you have only the rare occasional need for writing thank-you notes..
Post # 11
aspasia475: Aspasia, I feel that I’m remembering incorrectly in this case and I know you’ll be able to tell me either way: in addition to the bread-and-butter note is there an expectation that, if humanly possible, the guests will reciprocate by hosting the hosts “in the same season”? Or am I confusing this with something else? Thanks, as always.
Post # 12
MarriedToMyWork: Yes, you are indeed correct!