Post # 1
Does anyone know what the etiquette is for giving thank you cards to guests who didn’t give gifts? We’re very grateful to all of our guests who attended and most spent money on travel and hotel and had to take annual leave, so their presence was absolutely more than enough of a gift and really meant so much (we also only had a charity donation “registry” so not a traditional gift giving wedding anyway).
I’m definitely sending thank you notes to the people who gave the donation-gifts or other gifts. I don’t want those who didn’t gift to feel snubbed not getting a thank you when gift givers do get a thank you. But equally I don’t want them to feel awkward if I ask for their address (we don’t have a lot of people’s addresses because we did e-vites for the wedding) specifically to send them a thank you card if that’s a weird thing to do for guests who didn’t gift – basically I don’t want them to feel like the card is highlighting a lack of gift or in any way passive aggressive if it’s not a normal thing to do!!
I’m in the UK if that helps. And I think all of our guests gave cards.
Post # 2
I think its ok to send thank you cards to all your guests. The ones who didn’t give gifts can simply say something like, ” Thank you for taking time our of your schedule to share in our special day. It was great to see you. It means a lot ot us you were able to be there.” Etc, etc. Its all about what you want to do!!
Good luck, op!
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
Thank you cards are meant for guests who gave gifts. The reception was your ” Thank You” to your guests for attending your wedding. Sending a thank you card to someone that didn’t give a gift can be perceived as gift fishing.
Post # 4
Etiquette is clear thank yous are for gifts. They ate drank and were merry on your dime- that was your thank you. The cards can seem like fishing for gifts or subtlety calling out the lack there of to embarrass the non-gifting guest.
Post # 5
Okay thanks for the feedback! I think best to not send them then just in case it does look lime fishing for presents! Thanks, bees x
Post # 6
I respectfully disagree. I have recieved cards for weddings I could not attend to say they were sorry I was unable to attend. That along with a picture. It was such a sweet gesture. If you want to thank those for time, presense and travel expenses just send a simple note. Some pay far more for hotel, time off work, and sometimes flights. That deserves a thank you. Their presense was the present
Post # 7
theatrejulia: I completely agree. I think there is a big difference in etiquette rules (or at least from what I’ve seen on the Bee) between UK and the US.
I’m based in the UK and have pretty much always received a thank you card whether I’ve given a gift or not. I also usually receive a few pictures of the card too – either ones with me in it or of the bride and groom.
It’s beyond me how sending a message to someone that says ‘Hey thanks so much for attending our wedding, we loved sharing our special day with you!’ can in any way be misconstrued to come across as ‘hey you didn’t give me a gift…you probably should feel bad about that’ :S. Maybe it’s just me, but I really don’t see the connection or how anyone would think you’re fishing for gifts given that your wedding is now over and I assume you’ll word the thank you card appropriately.
I would personally send a thank you to all guests. My wedding is in Italy next year and everyone is coming from London and spending at least £400+ per person (when you consider flights and 3 days accommodation). The travel and time off is worth a thank you with or without a gift 😀
Post # 8
I only had a few guests who actually didn’t give any gifts (whether shower or at the wedding), but about 70% of our guests flew from all over the country to attend. Those who didn’t give gifts and actually made it from their respective states likely spent thousands to attend. They are getting thank you cards for taking time out of their lives to come see me get married.
I also love writing thank you notes, and we only had 100 guests so it’s not overwhelming for me to write them at all.
Post # 9
I think you should send everyone a thank you card. Thank you for sharing the day with us.
Post # 10
I agree that etiquette says to only send thank you cards to those who gifted. The thank you for attending is the reception if you fed and watered them.
Darling Husband and I sent cards to everyone as we had a really small wedding and wanted to say thank you for making our wedding so special to our family who couldn’t afford a gift. I think it depends on your relationship with your guests. If it’s some acquaintance from work then they might feel like you’re fishing for gifts but if it’s close friends and family then you’d be fine. I’m English too. Congratulations on your wedding!
Post # 11
You should send a thank you card to everyone that attended your wedding. If they didn’t give a gift you thank them for joining you in celebrating your special day. I disagree that the reception is the thank you. People host receptions because they’re the fun part. Etiquette may state otherwise, but let’s face it… brides go all out for the reception because of the pictures.
Post # 12
I agree with MrsBuesleBee etiquette is very clear, thank you cards are for those who have a gift. First, the reception is a thank your for attending. Also I assume you thanked everyone at the wedding for coming individually (either via a receiving line or at the tables. Secondly, guests have a year to give you a gift. Now practically if they didn’t give one to you at the wedding, they probably aren’t planning on it (which is fine). But I just sent my thank you notes out last week. After I sent them a gift arrived from a guest who attended from out of town but hadn’t brought a gift. I’m glad I hadn’t sent him a thanks for attending card, because I would have needed to send him another thank you card.
Post # 13
US here, but we only sent Thank You cards for guests who gave gifts. Yes, we had our guest book to remember who came (as long as they signed), but after everything was done… some of the day was a blur to know if we had seen so and so, or not. So, I’d feel weird sending a thank you for attending when they may actually not have attended.
Post # 14
We had a handful of people that came and didn’t gift us. That didn’t bother so much as people who attended and didn’t give a card with well wishes. Heck, I would have appreciated a handwritten note stuck in our card box with well wishes. Yet, we saw them there in attendance, and we plan on sending them a Thank You note, just for attending and celebrating with us. I also agree with some of the posters that believe sending a Thank You for celebrating with them isn’t gift grabby.
Post # 15
I think the ‘year to give a gift’ thing is super outdated. Has anyone actually received a gift more than a month or 2 after their wedding? Doubt it.