(Closed) Thank you cards for no-shows?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Only send thank-you cards to people who did something worth thanking. Sending them to no-gift no-shows would seem passive-aggressive. 

Post # 3
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

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Thrburko89:  If someone gave you a gift you owe them a thank you card. I’m not sure why you would send a thank you card to a person who neither attended nor gave a gift. You really have nothing to thank them for. The brother’s behavior is very bizarre and quite rude, I’d let them make the first move, as they surely owe you an apology

Post # 5
Member
9520 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Nothing for those who did not show. What is to thank? As for the best man? Thank him for his time. 

Post # 6
Member
910 posts
Busy bee

There’s nothing to be thankful for, why thank them? Send them a bill instead. (I kid. But seriously. WTF????)

Post # 8
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I woild only send thank yous to the no-shows who sent a gift. I don’t think you need to send thank yous if they just sent a card, but you can always thank them when you see them if you wish to. I would never send a thank you card for a card. 

Post # 9
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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Thrburko89:  Sorting out what happened with the brother is more important than the etiquette of whether to send him a thank you card. He’s obviously holding a grudge over something. Your fiance will need to work this out somehow – and decide how to respond to what his brother did. Perhaps talk to other family members and see if they know what his brother’s problem is.

For the others, I’d send a thank-you card to the no-shows who sent a gift, but not to those who gave nothing or only a card. Too bad if they get annoyed – they cost you money but not coming, and there’s nothing to thank them for.

Post # 10
Member
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Send thank you cards to people who showed up and/or sent a gift. If a person didnt show up and didnt send a gift what would you thank them for?

Post # 11
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

Thank you cards are for gifts only. Sending a thank you card to a no-show no-gifter is a “lol nope.” What do you have to thank them for anyway.. thank you for not showing up and not giving us anything??

Post # 12
Member
3238 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
Thrburko89:  Thank you cards are only for people who gave a gift. So you don’t thank people “just” for coming (that’s what the reception is for – a thank you to your guests) and you definitely don’t thank people for not coming. But the 2 no shows who sent a gift need a thank you note. 

Post # 13
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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Thrburko89:  Thank you cards are for GIFTS. If someone no-showed but sent a gift, you send them a thank you card. If someone came to the wedding and did not give a gift, you don’t send a thank you card. Did you do a receiving line or table visits or some other way of personally thanking people for coming? That is enough. Sending a thank you card to someone who didn’t give a gift is seen as saying “hey — remember this wedding? Yeah, you didn’t send a gift. There’s still time. Here’s our address. Don’t forget to send that gift now!” It’s rude. If you’re trying to be extra polite, sending thank you cards for attendance-only is the opposite. It will be confusing and embarassing to your guests. Don’t do it.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  Daisy_Mae.
Post # 15
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
Thrburko89:  any idea why his bro acted like that? That’s really odd ๐Ÿ˜•

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