Post # 1
I have a … delicate situation.
I’m sorting out our thank you cards and I’m planning to send them to everyone that attended but I’m not sure what to do with our no-shows.
We ended up having 12 no-shows on our day (out of 85 guests) which was very disappointing and 10 of them didn’t give gifts. (Three didn’t even send a card and haven’t even touched base with us but that’s a separate issue).
The delicate part of the situation is that our no-shows included my husband’s brother and his wife and her family! He was meant to be hubby’s best man but didn’t show up to that either! He did make it to the ceremony, stood there, signed our certificate and watched, and then left without a word.
DH has been able to get him on the phone ONCE since our day for about five minutes and he was “too busy” to talk. We still don’t have an explanation.
If I don’t send cards, I’m assuming they’ll be annoyed (well, who knows! they might not even notice!) but if I do send cards, I worry it’s going to be a seen as rubbing salt on the wound??
What would other Bees do?
Post # 2
Only send thank-you cards to people who did something worth thanking. Sending them to no-gift no-shows would seem passive-aggressive.
Post # 3
If someone gave you a gift you owe them a thank you card. I’m not sure why you would send a thank you card to a person who neither attended nor gave a gift. You really have nothing to thank them for. The brother’s behavior is very bizarre and quite rude, I’d let them make the first move, as they surely owe you an apology
Post # 4
That’s the word I was looking for! Passive-aggressive!
I absolutely agree! Care to tell my husband?
I’m glad I’m not being silly. I don’t think they deserve cards but I wasn’t really sure since his brother did turn up to the 20 minute ceremony. Plus “they’re family”.
Post # 5
Nothing for those who did not show. What is to thank? As for the best man? Thank him for his time.
Post # 6
There’s nothing to be thankful for, why thank them? Send them a bill instead. (I kid. But seriously. WTF????)
Post # 7
RIGHT??!! I had half a mind! 😛
Thanks Bees. I think it’s decided. Until we at least hear from them, they’re off the thank-you list!
Post # 8
I woild only send thank yous to the no-shows who sent a gift. I don’t think you need to send thank yous if they just sent a card, but you can always thank them when you see them if you wish to. I would never send a thank you card for a card.
Post # 9
Sorting out what happened with the brother is more important than the etiquette of whether to send him a thank you card. He’s obviously holding a grudge over something. Your fiance will need to work this out somehow – and decide how to respond to what his brother did. Perhaps talk to other family members and see if they know what his brother’s problem is.
For the others, I’d send a thank-you card to the no-shows who sent a gift, but not to those who gave nothing or only a card. Too bad if they get annoyed – they cost you money but not coming, and there’s nothing to thank them for.
Post # 10
Send thank you cards to people who showed up and/or sent a gift. If a person didnt show up and didnt send a gift what would you thank them for?
Post # 11
Thank you cards are for gifts only. Sending a thank you card to a no-show no-gifter is a “lol nope.” What do you have to thank them for anyway.. thank you for not showing up and not giving us anything??
Post # 12
Thank you cards are only
for people who gave a gift. So you don’t thank people “just” for coming (that’s what the reception is for – a thank you to your guests) and you definitely don’t thank people for not coming. But the 2 no shows who sent a gift need a thank you note.
Post # 13
Thank you cards are for GIFTS. If someone no-showed but sent a gift, you send them a thank you card. If someone came to the wedding and did not give a gift, you don’t send a thank you card. Did you do a receiving line or table visits or some other way of personally thanking people for coming? That is enough. Sending a thank you card to someone who didn’t give a gift is seen as saying “hey — remember this wedding? Yeah, you didn’t send a gift. There’s still time. Here’s our address. Don’t forget to send that gift now!” It’s rude. If you’re trying to be extra polite, sending thank you cards for attendance-only is the opposite. It will be confusing and embarassing to your guests. Don’t do it.
Post # 14
It’s all a big thing. No one in the family knows what’s going on. Bleh!
As for the no-shows that did send gifts, I had planned to thank them. 🙂
Thanks Bees. I’m in Australia so etiquette isn’t followed as carefully or strictly so I think I’ll go by these guidelines. 🙂
Post # 15
any idea why his bro acted like that? That’s really odd 😕