(Closed) Thank You Cards – How to not be rude?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1282 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

RAxB:  For the first one, since you have asked both your parents, and you and your Darling Husband do not recognize it, and don’t think it is any of the 5 left, you have done all you can do. If you find out later through some weird sequence of events who gave the card/$$, then you can send a card then explaining that you didn’t know who it was from and apologize for not sending it sooner. 

For the second, you just have to let it go. If they truly brought a gift and are wondering where the thank you cards are, they will bring it up. I wouldn’t go dropping hints.

Post # 3
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Kill two birds with one stone. Tell your 5 friends that you received this money and card with a signature no one can read and it’s really bugging you. If it’s one of them, they will say so, or they might offer to say ‘no I got you this instead’

Post # 4
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

RAxB:  Don’t ask anyone anything.  It’s rude to point it out if they didn’t get you anything.

Write up thank you’s for the gifts you received and know whom sent them.

For the cash with the gifter’s signature you can’t read: mention it to a few close friends/family that there was a card where you couldn’t read the signature and that you’re embarassed because you can’t send a thank you.  Either the person will come forward or not.  But don’t ask people directly if it was them.

Post # 5
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’d probably ask the 5, say something like “I feel terrible, I received a gift and I don’t know who it’s from so I haven’t been able to send a thank you card. Do you know who it might have been?” If it’s the person you ask, they’ll just tell you. If it’s not, they’ll think you’re just asking around.

Post # 6
7355 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’d thank these folks for attending; it’s only a few couples so not too many extra cards. Chances are, when they get a thank you, they’ll ask if you relieved your gift– more because cash can get lost than because they’re fishing for a thank-you. Nothing required for the folks who did not attend and did not gift.

Post # 7
32 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Doubletree by Hilton-Monroeville, PA

RAxB:  First, congratulations!! I anticipated this happening, so I just purchased and customized my own “Thank You Postcards” from Zazzle.com with printed (basic) wording that was geared to everyone regardless if they gave a gift or not. Handwriting “thank-you” cards is over-rated in my opinion. Here’s the wording I used; maybe it will be some help to you:

Thank you for sharing in our joy. We sincerely thank you for being a

part of our wedding celebration and for your generous gift.

With love,

Photo courtesy of: Zazzle.com

Photo courtesy of: Zazzle.com

Post # 8
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

A few families on my husband’s side gave us a group gift…of a $30 gift card. Addressing a thank you note to 8 people without being rude or sarcastic was one of my greatest wedding accomplishments.

Post # 9
437 posts
Helper bee

Horseradish:  +1. Great advice! 

First, you are adamant that you did not expect any gifts from anyone, but wash it down by justifying WHY you expected a gift from this couple. Seems a lot like you did expect at least some gifts, and are upset that your friends didn’t get you one. 

Anyway, don’t ask where gifts are, or imply/suggest it in any way, shape or form. There’s honestly no courteous or tactful way of doing that. 

Post # 10
9548 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, we got an unclaimed  bottle of soda  steam syrup as a gift. Still have no idea  who it came from. 

I think you’ve done all you can for the cash gift, maybe just send out feelers in the various groups that you got this gift would like to thank whoever gave it. 

I also had several people  that didn’t bring a gift. I just ignored it and moved on. Life happens.

Post # 11
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

TaniaKnowsBest: This is terrible advice. OP (and anyone else planning a wedding) please don’t take it.

Handwritten (and more importantly PERSONALIZED) thank you notes are not overrated.

Post # 12
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

TaniaKnowsBest:  Those are beautiful postcards. However, I would be offended as a guest to not receive a personalized thank you note. If I spent $100 on a place setting, or sheets, or towels, it is expected for the recipient to acknowledge the actual gift received. 

For example, we had someone get us a set of glass mixing bowls and they traveled in from out of state. My thank you card to them was worded:

<br />Dear John and Jane:

Thank you so much for making the trip up from Florida for our big day! It meant so much to us that you both took the time to be there to celebrate with us. We hope you enjoyed the trip!

Thank you also for the beautiful set of glass mixing bowls. We love to bake and can’t wait to put them to good use soon. Thanks for helping us complete our kitchen with the essentials!


Mr. & Mrs. Edamame

Post # 13
9785 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

“I don’t want to ask them about a gift because I find that very rude and it would be so embarassing for me just to ask. However…”

That is it is very rude no matter how you swing it. Its especially rude and ironic for you to be crying ettiquette because traditionally they have a year to give you wedding gift. There is no way you can bring it up politely because it is inherently impolite!


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Post # 14
32 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Doubletree by Hilton-Monroeville, PA

MrsEdamame:  So if it’s not “hand-written” it’s not viewed as acknowledged?? Regardless of how’s it done I thanked my guests very graciously. If at all, they loved the photocard more than anything!! ((Smh))

Post # 15
32 posts
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Doubletree by Hilton-Monroeville, PA

carolinabelle:  my post was not to “intentionally” give horrible advice. I simply replied and the young lady can do whatever she chooses to do with it. If she wants to ignore than so be it. I meant no harm.

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