Thank You Cards or Notes for Gifts Received

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

I agree with you.  Thank you cards in my opinion are a must.

Post # 3
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

littlestmaid :  i think a thank you note is ALWAYS required (just saying thank you at a shower is not enough, imo – but i also prefer showers where gifts are NOT opened). but that aside, it seems like you have another concern that is being conflated here – knowing whether the recipient received your gift, or it got lost. that’s easy enough to fix – instead of cash, write a check. you can always check to see if it was deposited.

Post # 4
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

littlestmaid :  Thank you for a gift is the right thing to do. If someone spends time or money thinking of you no matter how big or small, you should show thanks. I sent a thank you card to every person who attended my shower and wedding and those who sent gifts or cards. I even sent thank you cards to people who attended my wedding or my shower that didn’t give gifts to thank them for coming out and celebrating with me. Just because someone is tight on cash and can’t get a gift at an event that usually involves gifts does not mean their presence was not appreciated! Someones time and support is way more valuable than a physical gift. I also sent mine out handwritten with personal notes to everyone. That was pretty time consuming, but I carved the time from my busy schedule to do it. 

Post # 5
Member
1732 posts
Bumble bee

When was this bride’s shower? Maybe she’s running late in writing her thank yous? I was a little behind on my shower thank yous because of some medical stuff I was going through that most people didn’t know about. I agree that thank yous are a must, but it seems a little petty to reduce the amount you were originally going to give because you didn’t receive a thank you. You seem really caught up with receiving thank yous. Maybe you could just call the bride and say “Hi I was just checking to see if you received my gift as I didn’t receive a thank you/acknowledgement that it was received”. Maybe that will make her realize how important thank yous are. I agree with PP about writing checks. I would never give cash anyways.

Post # 7
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I agree that thanking someone in writing is an absolute must and I always do. That said, you should let it go. 

Post # 9
Member
834 posts
Busy bee

I’ve NEVER recieved a thank you note/card for any gifts I’ve gave at showers or weddings. I’m in my late 20s. Sad if you ask me. I have thrown a wedding shower and the guest of honor took 1.5 yrs to give me a thank you gift  (grateful that it eventually happened) and I also threw a baby shower for a friend and didn’t receive a thank you card. She also refused to send any to any of the ppl, who gifted at her 2 baby showers. These should always been sent. I’m no longer friends with either of the friends I threw showers for. Not because of this simple fact, but because they are entitled and extremely selfish ppl.

Post # 10
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Thank-you notes should go out within two weeks of reciving gifts. They are hand-written and snail-mailed. They specifically mention the gift (if it’s money, “your generous gift” will do). They are at least three sentences long. They can be written by either spouse, but must mention both. Absolutely no need to include a picture of the newly-married couple.

Post # 11
Member
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

littlestmaid :  Actually, a written note is always appropriate for the degree of effort or generosity someone has taken to give a gift, including a shower gift. But you’re right that verbal acknowledgement is the bare minimum.

Otherwise, no argument here. Etiquette also agrees with your belief  that a demonstrated lack of appreciation shows just that. It’s not a question of retribution. There is just no need to make the same mistake twice. 

Post # 12
Member
4463 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am a huge supporter of Thank You cards – I send them for all gifts (birthdays, Christmas, etc.) and I’ve had a number of people comment that they appreciate that I send them. I think that if someone took the time and money to acknowledge that they care about you in the form of a gift, then I can certainly find the time to thank them. (Also, my mother drilled the importance of thank you notes into my head when I was a child!)

However, your husband has a valid point – the point of giving gifts is not to recieve a thank you. I base my gifts to others on my relationship to them, their interests, and my budget… not whether or not they’ve sent a thank you card for past gifts.

Post # 13
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

littlestmaid :  i just leave the name line blank on wedding checks for the couple to fill in however is easiest for them to cash.

Post # 14
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Thank you notes are required. If you don’t receive one you are within your rights to check if the gift was received. Though if this is a recurring issue then that is probably not the issue. 

Your husband is technically right in that you don’t give a gift to receive a thank you. That would be really odd and kinda narcissistic. But you also don’t need to continue giving gifts to ungrateful people. 

My other concern is how well do you know these people? Are you close and this is a one off rudeness? Or maybe one of the cards did get lost? Or were you being used for a gift in the first place. 

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