(Closed) Thank You Cards – when & how to send them?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

You should write thank you notes as you receive gifts.  It makes it much easier for you and then your guests know that you’ve received the gift.  

I see that your wedding has already passed, so you should just aim to send them out as you finish writing them.  We did not send an additional thank you to guests who did not send a gift, because I didn’t want it to seem like we were phishing for gifts.  Some people gave their gifts later.  

Post # 3
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

View original reply
MsGinkgo:  Write them and mail them ASAP. People are wondering if you even received their gifts.

Don’t send thank you notes to people just for attending. It is not necessary as your reception was your “thank you” for attending the wedding. It can also come across as passive aggressive and/or gift grabby.

Post # 4
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
MsGinkgo:  We wrote thank you notes for gifts as we got them up until the week of the wedding, then we just kept a record of what we received so that we could finish writing them when the photos came in.

We’re (ahem, I’m) writing a few each day and sending them out each day. I’m just going through the spreadsheet and marking them off as I go. There are a number of notes I have asked my husband to write, but I think I’ll end up having to write them since he just doesn’t think they’re important and that we have a year to write them (notsomuch).

We are not writing thank you notes to those who attended without gifts. The reception was our thank you for celebrating the marriage ceremony.

Post # 6
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i sent mine out all in one batch, but it only took me a couple of days to get mine done, so it wouldn’t have made that much of a difference either way. i just went through my guestlist and checked them off as i went along.

and i sent thank you cards to everyone who attended whether they brought a gift or not. 

Post # 7
799 posts
Busy bee

I wrote and sent thank you notes up until the week of the wedding – from shower gifts, gifts sent to our house. I don’t see the point in waiting. Everything that came to us the week of the wedding – thank you notes were sent two weeks later. We’re sending photos at a later date. We thought delaying TY’s  longer than absolutely necessary was a bit rude. 

We also sent everyone a Thank You for attending. Most of our guests had sent their gift way in advance, but we wanted to thank them for making it and enjoying our day with us. Not one person has sent us a gift or extra gift because we thanked them for coming. 

Post # 8
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

Our wedding was May 25th and I still haven’t sent mine out – I’m working on it, but job hunting along with running my photography business on the side has definitely made it a little harder. Just get them done ASAP – as long they receive a card, they’ll know you’re appreciative.


Post # 9
2609 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I sent mine out the week after the wedding, we had 120 guests but lots of couples etc…so maybe 80 thank you cards to send out. I did half one night and half the next night. Sent them as I did them, but I did the Groom’s Guests and family one day and my friends and family the next day. Then we continued to send them out as we got gifts after the wedding too. Any gifts we received before the wedding, I just sent a card right away.

So in your case I’d just start in on them and send them in groups as you finish if you have a lot but put some thought into them… for example: don’t send one to one sister and not another one. That’s why I split up Groom’s Guests Thank Yous and Bride’s Guest Thank Yous. That way it wasn’t random and I didn’t have anyone thinking I missed them if they talked to another family member or friend in the same circle. Of course, they all got them the same week anyway but I just tried to have some sort of system! LOL

Post # 10
13905 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

To me, two months after the wedding isn’t reasonable.  That is not a prompt acknowledgment and thanks for a gift, which is what the thank you card is supposed to be.  I would sit down and write them ASAP.  I would not mail them in batches, because people do ask if others have received a thank you card, and it’ll be awkward if you sent a thank you to one couple first and not the other, and then they found out. 

I sent my cards out all in one batch.  DH and I worked together to get them written promptly.  There was no need to prioritize, since they were all sent out at the same time, within a week of the wedding.

Post # 11
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We’re mailing each card as soon as we’re finished writing it (or the next day if we write some at night).  It’s best to get each one out as soon as you can and doing that matters much more than whether they all are mailed on the same day or not (which imo doesn’t matter at all and is actually a bad idea if it makes some later than they could have been).

We’re prioritizing writing them based on the order in which we received the gifts.  If someone gave us a gift sooner, they’re getting their thank you card sooner.  We’re also prioritizing sending cards sooner for gifts we’re using sooner – I tend to like to have the thank you card in the mail before we use an item or right after.  For checks/cash that means I prefer to have the card in the mail before we cash them.  (I’m hoping that you cashed all the checks you received by now though.)

We’ll have all of ours mailed within 2 weeks of the wedding or, if we received the gift more than 2 weeks after the wedding, within 2 weeks of when we receive the gift.  Lots of our friends have mentioned how prompt we are (or how prompt I was for bridal shower thank yous).  Many of them have taken 4-11 months to send out thank yous.

Post # 12
1496 posts
Bumble bee

I wrote them all and mailed them at once. I like to check and double check, so I really made sure I got everyone and mailing them all at the same time helped with that. 

I wrote them in less than a week – had about 75-80 to write. I wrote 5-10 a day and had them sent within a month of the wedding. (We were on our honeymoon for 2 weeks so I didn’t start until after we got back!)

Make them thoughtful. Mention the gift if it was a physical gift (Thank you so much for the place setting!). If it was money, I think thanking for the gift is enough (Thank you so much for the generous wedding gift!) 

You don’t have to write a thank you note for people who attended but didn’t give a gift. Although, I would write a thank you if they travelled.

Post # 13
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

Send ’em as you get them!  Makes it so much easier.  We even got all of our thank you notes done on our honeymoon!  Not saying everyone has to do it.  But I enjoyed doing it on our downtime while we were lounging at the pool.  Guests appreciate it.

Post # 14
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I wouldn’t be too concerned about some people getting them sooner than others (provided it’s not like a 6 month gap).

I just got my blanks, and have all the notes written, but finding addresses is a pain in the butt (I had a great sheet filled with addresses that I’ve managed to lose).  I’ll get them out in batches, but hope to have them all out between 2 (today) and 3 months.

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