I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding years and years ago. The day before the wedding, we were all rushing around the venue tying up loose ends, and the bride came to a few of us complaining about something bitchy her younger sister had just done or said.
At the time, I was trying to smooth things over, so I said something to the effect of “oh, don’t worry about it – I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way.” And the bride became very upset with ME. I was shocked at first and felt she was in the wrong and just being emotional.
But the more I thought about the situation, I realized I was the one in the wrong. Instead of listening to her concerns and validating her emotional state, I was dismissive and tried to rug-sweep.
You’ve shared two instances here where someone found fault with you, and your perspective seems squarely fixed on her being the bad guy and you the good.
Yet multiple people here have shared with you that, technically, you WERE in the wrong to thank people for coming – that is a host’s job. We are not judging you for it – because it’s an easy mistake to make, and a small one inthe grand scheme of things. I can see myself doing the exact same thing.
And people have shared with you that it was ALSO a bit presumptuous to thank all the bridesmaids for helping YOU support the bride. It frames the entire situation as YOU helping the bride and everyone else helping YOU in your mission to the help the bride. Honestly, in the sister’s place, I would probably also have replied something along the lines of “Of course I would help her – she’s my sister.”
Overall, with these two situations taken together, I can completely understand if this sister has gotten it into her head that you like to grandstand, and you like to get attention on yourself for “all that you do for others.”
But we don’t know you. Only you have the ability to look inward to try and see if there’s not a grain of truth in the way this woman sees you, if perhaps her view of you is actually warranted.
In your shoes, I’d want to know and admit it to myself if I WAS a grandstander – because I’d want to fix it and better myself.