Thank you for coming

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
9402 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

It’s a strange thing to get so upset for, definitely only something I’d trash talk you over if I already had a grudge against you.  BEC status, as a previous bee put it.  It’s so minor and something only someone looking for something to bitch about would bitch about.

Post # 17
Member
753 posts
Busy bee

Everyone who made a speech at my wedding thanked people for coming- none of them hosted except the groom. NO-ONE blinked an eye. I mean, are people really going to get their knickers in a twist because there is too much politeness around!

Sounds like she would have had an issue no matter what you said.

 

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by  pond. Reason: Stupid typos
Post # 18
Member
3376 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
soexcited123 :  whoa there. You actually created a thread saying that you did X and don’t think there was anything wrong with it – i simply said, well there is something wrong with it, and it sounds like the two of you are just particularly grated by each other

Post # 19
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

OP, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Thanking everyone for coming is a common thing to say, and I agree with other PP’s, the sister would’ve had something snarky to say even if you didn’t say that. Weddings always bring out the worse in people and hopefully all will return to normal now. 

Post # 20
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Meh. I suppose it might be a bit strange in a sense, but as PP mentioned, it’s not conversation worthy. Let alone drama worthy. She likely was going to be upset no matter what you said. I don’t think I would have thought twice about whether or not it would be appropriate for you to say it. Then again, I’m not a big speech person and I don’t tend to dwell on what was said after they are done speaking. I know some people like to dissect things like that, but that’s just not my tendency. I also tend to give a lot of grace because public speaking tends to make most people nervous and tongue tied. 

Post # 21
Member
3032 posts
Sugar bee

That’s the worst thing she can say about your speech? You were nice…where’s the harm in that?

Post # 22
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

The wedding is over now so really…… who cares?

I wouldnt give it another thought honestly if I were you  🙂

Post # 23
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I guess technically it isn’t your place to thank people for coming to an event you were not the host of, but it is not something that ever would have crossed my mind if I was the bride or a guest and even if it did I can’t imagine being upset about it… it definitely sounds to me like the sister was bitter about not being Maid/Matron of Honor or something else and was looking for something to criticize. If that was the worst she was able to come up with then clearly you did an amazing job! Ignore and move on.

Post # 24
Member
1753 posts
Buzzing bee

 

I wouldn’t stress about it too much its just jealousy plain and simple.  Her sister feels a sense of ownership about her and probably was annoyed she wasn’t the maid of honor. She hates you thanking people because she is literally thinking to herself I’m her sister of course I’d help with the wedding.  The maid of honor ownership thing is really awkward in general anyways. I can’t tell you how many friends of mine have told me their stories about being in a group chat with the maid  of honor and bridesmaids where the maid of honor sounded super pushy and like she owned the wedding.  I wouldn’t stress at this point the weddings over her sister will get back to normal and it won’t be a big deal just give it some space and time. 

View original reply
soexcited123 :  

Post # 25
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Like other PP, I agree that the girl was upset about something else.  When these little dramatic things come up, it says more about the other person than you.

“Thank you for coming” is completely a normal thing to say, with anyone giving speeches, it’s an acknowledgment and appreciation of the guests.

Post # 26
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee

I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding years and years ago. The day before the wedding, we were all rushing around the venue tying up loose ends, and the bride came to a few of us complaining about something bitchy her younger sister had just done or said.

At the time, I was trying to smooth things over, so I said something to the effect of “oh, don’t worry about it – I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way.” And the bride became very upset with ME. I was shocked at first and felt she was in the wrong and just being emotional. 

But the more I thought about the situation, I realized I was the one in the wrong. Instead of listening to her concerns and validating her emotional state, I was dismissive and tried to rug-sweep. 

You’ve shared two instances here where someone found fault with you, and your perspective seems squarely fixed on her being the bad guy and you the good.

Yet multiple people here have shared with you that, technically, you WERE in the wrong to thank people for coming – that is a host’s job. We are not judging you for it – because it’s an easy mistake to make, and a small one inthe grand scheme of things. I can see myself doing the exact same thing. 

And people have shared with you that it was ALSO a bit presumptuous to thank all the bridesmaids for helping YOU support the bride. It frames the entire situation as YOU helping the bride and everyone else helping YOU in your mission to the help the bride. Honestly, in the sister’s place, I would probably also have replied something along the lines of “Of course I would help her – she’s my sister.”

Overall, with these two situations taken together, I can completely understand if this sister has gotten it into her head that you like to grandstand, and you like to get attention on yourself for “all that you do for others.”

But we don’t know you. Only you have the ability to look inward to try and see if there’s not a grain of truth in the way this woman sees you, if perhaps her view of you is actually warranted. 

In your shoes, I’d want to know and admit it to myself if I WAS a grandstander – because I’d want to fix it and better myself. 

Post # 27
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think some people get way too deep into the whole ‘etiquette’ business of weddings. I mean, husband and I’s parents paid for the majority of the wedding and were technically the hosts so, should I as the bride not have thanked my guests for coming when I spoke to them, since “that’s the hosts job”? I understand it’s slightly different coming from the Maid/Matron of Honor, but come on, I think we’re overanalyzing this a little. Also, I think it’s perfectly acceptable for you to thank the other bridesmaids, as it is really the MOH’s job to organize them. At the end of the day, if thanking people is considered the worst thing you’ve done, then good for you. There’s no reason to feel bad.

Also, as PPs have pointed out, the bride’s sister was clearly pissed off that she wasn’t asked to be Maid/Matron of Honor. She would’ve found fault with you eating a cracker. 

Post # 28
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

As the other bees have said, it’s strange for you to thank guests for coming since you didn’t host.  But it’s really not a big deal.  Sister has her back up so she is nit-picking. 

I also think it’s strange to thank the bridal party…you ARE the bridal party.  You could have said something like, “it’s been wonderful working with the rest of the bridal party and getting to know everyone.”  But again, not a big deal. 

If you want to repair that relationship, give it some time and then reach out and just let her know that you sense she is upset with you and you’ve reflected on a few things and would like to apologize if you offended her.  If you don’t want to repair the relationship, just forget about it. 

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