(Closed) Thank you for friend whose dad died…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Don’t mix the two occasions! Send her the thank you card but maybe hold off posting it for a few weeks?

But most importantly you need to send her a condolence card.

Post # 3
Member
47419 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
llevinso:  I would send two separate notes- one a than-you card, the other a lovely hand written note of condolence on the loss of her father. If you knew him personally, include a memory of an experience with him. There are lots of websites with suggesions.

Post # 6
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee

I would hold off on the thank you card and possibly not send on at all because it happened on the same day you would be thanking her for. I’d be there for her in this hard time, go to the services, and down the track if the wedding shower comes up in conversation I would verbally thank her for the gift. I don’t know, it would feel weird sending a thankyou for something that happened on the day he passed away. She may even mention it to you when she sees you then you could say “thankyou so much for the gift, I havent been able to stop thinking about what you must be going through, I feel so terrible…” or something like that so the focus is more on what she delaing with?

Post # 7
Member
47419 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

View original reply
llevinso:  The problem with not sending the thank-you card now, is that a lot of people are so uncomfortable with death that they avoid someone who has had a recent loss. Your friend may perceive you to be one of those people.

A thank-you card can be a simple note. It doesn’t have to be upbeat per se. Thanks for the item. We look forward to using it. I am grateful both for the gift and your attendance at the shower.

 

Post # 8
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

Send her a condolence card right away. Wait a day or two, and then compose a thank you that mentions how much you appreciated her thoughtful gift, and let her know that you were so sorry for the sad circumstances of that day, that you were thinking of her. You don’t have to dwell on what happened that day, but ignoring it entirely would be unnatural. Maybe put a positive spin on it by closing it with a reference to looking forward to sharing a happy time together in the near future (your wedding).

You are right that a completely upbeat thank you would be strange in this circumstance. You have good instincts, so trust your gut, and just try to be sensitive in your wording. One of my oldest friends ended up attending a grandparent’s funeral instead of my wedding, so I was faced with a similar circumstance when it came time to write a thank-you. 

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