(Closed) Thank you for younger brother's date?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I send a thank-you to my younger brother's date?
    Yes, get the address from your brother and send her one! : (13 votes)
    41 %
    No, she won't notice - take a card off your list! : (19 votes)
    59 %
  • Post # 3
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I wouldn’t – I only sent thank you notes to the invited guests, not the dates of invited guests.

    Post # 4
    4494 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    No. In the card I address it to both people if I “know” both of them though. I say “know” because when I hear about a coworker’s husband all the time it is kind of like I know them, so I would address it to both of them and not just my coworker.

    If it was just a date that you had never met then no, I wouldn’t send her a thank you.


    Post # 5
    13903 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t think she’d notice if you didn’t, but I think it would be a gracious gesture to your brother’s friend, especially if she signed the card and/or contributed to the gift.

    Post # 6
    963 posts
    Busy bee

    Was her name on the card that came with the gift? If her name was on the card, it indicates that the gift was also from her. In which case, I would write her a thank you.

    Post # 7
    827 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @castaway83:  Did he write both of their names on a card, or with the present? If so, then you should consider writing a joint thank you to both of them. If not (and if she didn’t give you a separate card or present) then Iwouldn’t bother writing her separately to thank her for attending.

    Post # 8
    11518 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @MrsGatito:  ditto – if her name was on the card, you should send her a thank you.  If not, I wouldn’t worry. 

    Post # 9
    2597 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @castaway83:  Etiquette requires you to send a thank you for gifts given you.  It does not require you to thank people for accepting your hospitality. That would be like thanking someone for coming to dinner at your house. 

    Post # 11
    13206 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @Zhabeego:  +1  

    Proctocol is that a thank you note is meant to be for those who sent a gift, not for attendance.  The hospitality of the  reception is considered the thank you to guests for coming to the wedding and the sentiment is reiterated when visiting people at the reception or by way of a traditional receiving line. Although it’s not strictly necessary after a wedding, it’s the guest who is supposed to write or call to thank the host for his or her hospitality. Sending a note for attendance only can be seen as subtle reminder that no gift was received or even as an attempt to embarrass.

    So in this case, it would be correct to say that a thank you note would be sent to the date if her name is on the gift and not if it is not.

    Post # 12
    3315 posts
    Sugar bee

    @castaway83:  If she did not give a gift then you should not be thanking her again. 

    This will be the 3rd thank you for her if you decide to send it.  That to me is excessive, and makes every previous thank you seem less meaningful.


    Post # 14
    5658 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    eh, I wouldn’t bother. DH’s cousin brought some random chick to our wedding and I didn’t thank her, just the family. People do silly things when they are 20.

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