(Closed) Thank You Note Debate with FI

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who's right? When should we send thank you notes?

    Bride is Right - Thank you notes should go out as presents are received

    Groom is Right - It's okay to wait until after the wedding to send out all thank you notes

    Compromise - Send thank yous both now AND again after the wedding with the photo card

    Other - Please explain below

  • Post # 3
    67 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    You are correct. If you receive a wedding present before the wedding, you mail out the thank you card before the wedding.

    Post # 4
    2006 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You should send Thank You’s as you receive gifts. One, it lets the gifter know you received their present, and two it is less work after the wedding! Sending a second Thank You after the wedding is just a nice gesture to let them know you enjoyed their presence. I vote for a compromise 🙂

    Post # 5
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Yep, you mail ’em as you get ’em.

    Post # 6
    7172 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I think the bigger picture is that you thank people for your gift.  It would be ideal to send the thank you as you receive the gift, but I think it’s also fine if you wait (especially since your Fiance is flipping out about it).  

    If you think you can get thank you’s out in a timely wedding post-wedding, just go with the cute thank you card idea (post-wedding) and leave it at that.  I’d vote for a no-argument on something that most people will really not hold you to.  (ie: It’s not like you won’t send a thank you.)

    Post # 7
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Really? I’m surprised by the answers to this!  Initially, I assumed we’d send out thank yous as the gifts arrive, but we fell in love with the picture thank yous with the bride and groom holding signs, so we’re planning on sending them all out after the wedding.  I’ve gotten thank yous after the wedding before, and never thought anything of it.  Especially now that I buy most gifts online and get a helpful email from Macy’s or Crate and Barrel assuring me the package was delivered and not lost in the mail.  But if a lot of people are saying they would be offended by this, maybe I need to rethink our strategy?  The two card idea is nice, but for 150+ guests, all those stamps really do add up…

    I hope more people chime in on this.

    Post # 8
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think it depends on how far out the gifts arrive.  If it’s only a month before hand… I’d wait.  I don’t think anyone will be offended.  Just make sure to prioritize those people when you do start sending them out!

    Post # 10
    14181 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    If you get the gifts SUPER far in advance, write the thank you now. But we didn’t receive wedding gifts until 2 or 3 weeks before the wedding. I wrote them out afterwards, with everyone elses. I had mine down in a week.

    Post # 11
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    You’re “supposed” to send them as received, and I think you had a great compromise of sending the official photo card to EVERYone after.

    Post # 12
    5150 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I think you should send out the thank you’s as you get the gifts (way less stressful and less of a project that way as well) but if your FH is really wanting to do that and it is one of the wedding elements that seems important to him maybe let him “win” this one 🙂 I mean it isn’t as if you won’t send thank you’s at all, ya know? talk with him and see what he thinks 🙂

    Post # 13
    436 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    We had thank you notes printed with our engagement picture for gifts received before the wedding and then thank you notes with our wedding picture for gifts received at or after the wedding.  I think it helps to write them as you go along so nobody is inadventantly forgotten.

    Post # 15
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Etiquette says that you should acknowledge presents received before the wedding with a thank you card as they are received.

    As a gift sender, if I didn’t get a thank you, or some acknowledgement, I would wonder if the gift ever made it!

    Post # 16
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I voted that it was okay to wait, because those thank you cards are really cute.

    But . . . my friends were planning on doing this and ran into a “tiny” issue with their photographer, who disappeared for 2 months (no phone call, email, nothing), so their thank yous went out really late. They still waited for the customized ones because they wanted people to realize there was a reason they were so late (and I figure a photo of the couple on their wedding day as the thank you is as good an indication as any!).

    The topic ‘Thank You Note Debate with FI’ is closed to new replies.

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