(Closed) Thank You Note Debate with FI

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Who's right? When should we send thank you notes?

    Bride is Right - Thank you notes should go out as presents are received

    Groom is Right - It's okay to wait until after the wedding to send out all thank you notes

    Compromise - Send thank yous both now AND again after the wedding with the photo card

    Other - Please explain below

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1955 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

    It’s definetly ok to wait, that’s what we’re doing bc like you guys, I want to send out Thank You cards with a picture of us on them from the wedding…Even Martha Stewart says it’s alright to wait until after the wedding…

    It’s nice to send out two (one before and then one after the wedding with the picture card) but def not necessary!

    Post # 18
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    We had picture thank you notes made as well but we sent regular thank you notes for the gifts we received prior to the wedding.   My biggest reason for sending thank you notes right away was so our friends and family would know their gifts made it to us.  When I don’t receive a thank you note for a gift right away, I always worry that it got lost in the mail!

    Post # 19
    Member
    2775 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    My understanding is that it’s proper to open gifts received before the wedding and to thank the senders as the gifts arrive, but you aren’t supposed to actually use the gifts until after the wedding.  If, god forbid, the wedding doesn’t happen you are obligated to send them all back.

    Post # 20
    Member
    234 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @FutureKMM  – Cool! I hadn’t realized we’re date twins either!  You sound way more organized than us, though – we’re still fleshing out our registry!  We definately haven’t gotten any gifts yet, and don’t anticipate getting any for at least another couple of weeks.

    @trailmix – Excellent!  “If it’s good enough for Martha, it’s good enough for me” has become my unoffical motto for questions about things like this, and whether envelope wraps are ok, and all that.  I figure that she’s got a whole staff of people working full time to decide what’s kosher, and if it’s passed their test, then it passes mine 🙂

    Post # 21
    Member
    2467 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i think it depends on how early you receive the present. like, we’ve gotten a couple presents already and i’ve written notes for them since they’re kind of like engagement gifts. and i’ll write thank yous after the shower since it’s 2 months before the wedding. but probably won’t send thank yous that we receive right before the wedding until after

    Post # 22
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I heard that technically you have something like two months after your wedding to write your thank you notes before you’re pushing etiquette boundaries. 

    That said, the more you can do before the wedding, the better!!  I sit down once a week and write thank yous for any gifts received that week.  It feels really good to stay on top of things and I like knowing that post-wedding I won’t have hours of work hanging over me.  Maybe it’s just because I am near the end, but when my wedding is over, I want it to be OVER!  🙂 

    The notes you are planning sound cute, but really, you’re fighting over something that most people will read and throw away, so is it really worth it?? (not trying to be mean, just being real, most people won’t keep them!) 

    Post # 23
    Member
    1091 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2020 - Oakland Manor

    I thought you should wait, but my mom told me to do it as they arrived so people would know their gift had been received. I think she was right… because my aunt sent one within the week of the wedding… and I was going to wait to send her Thank You note and she asked at the wedding if I had received the gift b/c she hadn’t gotten a Thank You card. so… I’d send them now. 🙂

    Post # 25
    Member
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    you’re supposed to send a thank you card right after the gift is received, esp if it came in the mail, so that the sender knows that the gift arrived safely.

    The topic ‘Thank You Note Debate with FI’ is closed to new replies.

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