(Closed) Thank you note didn't mention gift

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should you mention the gift in your thank you notes?


    No - a thank you for attending is just fine

    I'm doing a dairy-free challenge right now and all I can think about is ice cream. (No? Just me?)

  • Post # 3
    5360 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Regina Phalange:  maybe they feel awkward mentioning gifts? I could see feeling like that meant that was all they cared about. Or it is possible that thgrift arrived with no sender name and therefore they don’t know you sent it

    Post # 5
    3108 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    In this situation, I’d probably contact them and make sure they received your gift.

    Post # 6
    2842 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Regina Phalange:  I do not know, but I would assume the etiquette would be to mention the gift received. However, I once attended a wedding and received a thank you note for some crystal vase….we did not give them a crystal vase or anything made of crystal. Hmmm….

    Post # 7
    6458 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I got a thank you note thanking me for a Gumby toy…I never gave such a thing…but oh well.

    We’re STILL waiting for our thank you cards to come in, but when I write them, I plan to say things like, “Barbara, thank you so so much for the ice cream maker!  I can’t wait to use it next summer…this summer was so busy!  I am so glad you were at the wedding — you’ve basically seen me through my whole life.  I’ll see you at Thanksgiving!  Love, Peach”


    I’m all about personal notes.

    Post # 8
    127 posts
    Blushing bee

    But it WAS generous of you to buy them a gift. I mean you didn’t HAVE to. I think it’s only fair to take a few extra seconds to thank you for the gift. I’ve always received thank you cards mentioning the presents, and I would be a little annoyed as well.

    Post # 9
    493 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    It sounds to me like the bride and groom pre-wrote all of their thank you cards and just sent them out after seeing the guest book! I could be completely wrong if their thank you card was something like a picture of their wedding, but in that case I’d ask to make sure they got my gift!

    Post # 10
    585 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Regina Phalange:  DH and I split the Thank You note writing.  For my half, I tried to thank people for coming and for their gift.  If they gave us money, I let them know what we planned to purchase with it.

    DH on the other hand took ages to write his and only half paid attention to what he was writing (he managed to write on upside down…  we sent it anyway because it was funny.).  So for many of them he wrote thanks for coming to celebrate with us.  No mention of a gift.  I reminded him, but then he said I was nagging so I just left it.  Meh, I figured people would be just happy to have received a thank you card and even more so because DH wrote it.  And he did try to go out of his way to personalize most of them, which was thoughtful.

    Post # 11
    948 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would contact someone else who went to the wedding, if possible, and ask them if their thank you note said something about a gift. Maybe they’re just completely avoiding mentioning gifts in the notes.

    Post # 12
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here… lol

    “Traditonal Etiquette” prescribes to the idea of personal notes and mentioning the gift as per the excellent example that @peachacid: gave (Reply # 6)

    That said, there are certainly some who are embarrassed by the whole Gift thing, so they don’t mention it.

    And there are those who are too busy (or lazy) to keep a list, check it, and write a personal note, so they just send out one massive “cookie cutter” Thank You note to everyone… figuring if they’ve sent a Thank You Card to everyone they’ve covered the bases / done their duty.

    As you’ve noted, someone who chooses to do either of the last two options, leaves the Guest / Gifter unclear if their Gift was received or appreciated.

    Which leaves the Guest / Gifter then in the awkard position of making a follow up call

    Sadly, I think this is what you are going to have to do…

    The receipt you have says delivered… but ya know if it came by FedEx for example, and some inconsiderate employee rang my doorbell, and then left it on my doorstep when I wasn’t home… and then checked the box that said DELIVERED on his paperwork… and the box got stolen WHO would know ?

    Ya a follow up phone call must be made (sorry)


    Post # 13
    4913 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @This Time Round:  I agree.

    I once sent flowers to my Future In-Laws and it said it was delivered, but it wasn’t! I was so annoyed.

    And my friend just went through an issue where a person sent them a baby shower gift, but there was no packing slip or anything in it. They had no idea who it was from.

    Just tell them that you got their thank you and wanted to make sure that your gift was received bc you have a tracking number that says it was.

    Post # 14
    8700 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    The guests people bought off our (BB&B) registry had the note from the buyer hidden inside the reciept! So I nearly couldn’t find them, and nearly didn’t know who gave us what!

    Maybe the note got lost?

    Post # 15
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Almost exclusively I said “thank you for your generous gift,” including for physical presents as well as $$. It feels a little icky to fawn over a knife block set or a blender.

    “I’ll think of you every time I chop chop chop!”

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