(Closed) Thank you note etiquette

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2510 posts
Sugar bee

Mrs.Sawyertobe:  That is extremely rude. I’d be worried they never GOT the gift if you mailed it though.

Thank you notes are not a thing of the past, some people are just rude.

Post # 3
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

some people think they have a year to write thank you notes.  Other’s do that thing where they have a printer write some paragraph under one of the couples wedding pictures and  that could take a while to get that done. 

I’d ask.  I asked an older Aunt of mine if she got our gift, it was cash, and I asked only because I have a cousin that’s a drug addict and wanted to make sure he didn’t walk off with it. 

Post # 5
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I just got a thank you note last week in the mail. The wedding was in June 2013. 

Up until then I had assumed they just didnt plan to send a thank you at all. I will admit I was slightly annoyed but not overly so. 

Post # 6
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Mrs.Sawyertobe:  I went to a wedding in August 2012 and gave a gift voucher to a shop in our hometown. I never heard anything back. Fast forward to August 2013 – my wedding. The couple were invited and gave a gift, for which I wrote them a thank you note. I then received an email from the girl thanking me for the note and saying that they had taken the opportunity visiting the shop during our wedding weekend and had bought themselves a lovely vase so thank you! Obviously my thank you note had made her feel guilty!

Post # 7
13589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

The only thing more rude about not receiving a thank you card, is asking the bride where your thank you card is.  While the bride should be gracious in thanking you promptly, you should give a gift you want to give, and not for the recognition.

Also, there is no such thing as a “six month rule.”  Thank you cards, for all occasions, should be sent out as quickly as possible, and, in my social circle, anything beyond three months is considered rude. 

Post # 8
12107 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

HisIrishPrincess:  We got a photocard that took well over six months, but under a year with just a preprinted “Thanks” and no personal note.  People were  annoyed. 

Post # 10
2211 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We gave my cousin and his wife cash for their Labor Day weekend 2013 wedding and still don’t have a thank you note.  I randomly thought about it last week and asked my parents if they’d gotten one and they hadn’t…not cool.

I didn’t get my shower thank yous all out until 3-4 weeks after (which is too long, I know) but at least I sent them.  Now that we’ve begun receiving wedding gifts, I’m going to try to get those thank yous out ASAP.

I agree with JiminyCricket:‘s circle:  for a wedding, 3 months should really be the max on thank you cards.

Post # 11
12107 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Mrs.Sawyertobe:  This is a myth.  Technically it’s the guests who have a year to send a gift, not the other way around. Thank yous are supposed to be done ASAP and  other than in  truly extenuating circumstances not  more than a couple of months. 

Post # 13
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

weddingmaven: I had the exact same thing happen with 2 different weddings I attended this Summer. We received the thank you card from the late July wedding at Christmastime, a simple photo card with a pre-printed message that was included inside their Christmas card. The card was beautiful, but I was a bit disappointed that the card arrived inside a Christmas card rather than being in its own envelope and being mailed separately sooner. Picky? Perhaps. But I like to think couples will take the time to write a note and seal the card separately- maybe not mailed separately if the couple’s in a tight financial spot, but at least in a separate envelope.

Just this month Fiance and I got a card from the wedding we attended last August. Another pre-printed card with a faded photo on it, and a ripped envelope (at first I thought it was damaged and so came late in the mail, but the card was sent alongside my parent’s which came fine).


I’m beginning to think that people are becoming okay with sending cards quite late, but imo it’s not appropriate, especially when so many guests are not and invested time and money to celebrate. I wouldn’t even mind if they were on the later side if they had personalized notes, but when they are late and impersonal, it suggests that the couple doesn’t really care and is just sending the card because at some point they’re expected to send them


Post # 14
7417 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think the general rule should be 3 months or less. After 3 months I start to get a little annoyed. We haven’t received one yet for a wedding we attended 8 months ago and at this point I doubt we will receive one.

We also went to a different wedding 5 months ago. At the reception they handed out a picture that said ‘Thank you’ across it. Apparently that WAS their thank you even though they hadn’t even opened their gifts yet…

Thank yous almost seem to be turning into a thing of the past unfortunately.

Post # 15
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I drove 8 hours each way to a wedding in January and haven’t gotten any type of thank you. I am a little salty! 

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