Post # 1
So my friend got married recently- she never sent out thank you notes for her shower (She thought saying thank you at the shower was enought) And then she sent out generic computer printed thank you notes for her wedding that started with – Thank you friends and family….
whats your opinion on this. My mouth hit the floor, what would your reaction be?
Post # 2
I would be extremely unimpressed as I picked my jaw up off the floor and would know that my friend is lazy and a bit ungrateful.
Post # 3
She should have sent individualized thank you notes but at least she sent something out. It would have been worse if she didn’t send anything out. I would have been a little upset about that too.
And she should have sent out thank you notes for the shower. People spend a lot of money on those gifts, the least she could do is sit down and write a thank you note for it.
Everyone loves getting something personalized in the mail!!
Post # 4
Definitely poor etiquette, but it sounds like you know that, so why are you asking us?
Post # 5
It seems perhaps she doesn’t know what the proper etiquette is. in which case I might anonymously mail her Emily Post with a computer printed note that says something like, you didn’t seem to know thank you notes should be handwritten. So here’s book to help you in the future. Best, a friend
Post # 6
When I asked her why she didnt send out thank you notes for the shower she told me that she was told she didnt have to. She said that she goes to a lot of showers and never gets a thank you note.
I was simply curious if the thank you notes etiquette rules have changed. And if simply saying thank you was considered enough…
Thats why I asked for your opinion. Just curious.
Post # 7
I’d be SUPER annoyed. If i was super close to her, I’d call her out on it. If not really, well she would be dropping on my friend totem pool.
I don’t get some people. Sure, writing out oodles of thank you’s is long, and your hand hurts, but its the right thing to do.
Post # 8
I know there’s probably a few people I may have mised for my bridal shower, but we were extremly diligent with our wedding thank yous and got them out in less than three months from the wedding. We actually have only gotten a handful of thank yous from weddings, one where we never even got one but I’m not surpised as the couple is super frugle and didn’t even send paper invites.
I think the generic e-mail is terrible and you’re right totally outside of proper etiquette.
Post # 9
When I first got engaged I started getting engagement gifts from my Future Mother-In-Law friends, my friend came over and asked me what all the little gold envelopes by the door were, I told her I was sending out thank you notes for the engagement gifts, she laughed and told me I was “prehistoric”
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2015 - country club in Michigan
personally I wouldn’t give her any major gifts moving forward if she can’t take even a minute to express thanks. I may also be passive aggressive and make comments about how sweet and thoughtful the thank you notes I recieved from other weddings I attended were, and how it just motivates me to give them bigger gifts moving forward.
Post # 11
This is typical I think but its annoys me to no end!! I WILL remember you if you dont send me a thank you!! Honestly, when people don’t send me a thank you note for this kind of stuff its all I can associate with that person. And those who do send a nice, thoughtful note, I always remember that too! It really makes more of an impression than people think.
Because of this I am so focused on not forgetting to send thank you’s after the wedding… I plan to send handwritten thank you’s to everyone coming, gift or not – and am terrified I will forget someone and they’ll associate that with me forever!
Post # 12
I don’t care about thank you notes. If I get one, I always think “oh, that’s so sweet!” but if I don’t, I don’t even notice. Sounds like I’m in the minority, and of course people SHOULD send them. I make sure my kids do (I eloped, so never received shower or wedding gifts) but as a recipient, it’s not a big deal to me at all. Especially if you know they received it and they thanked you in person (or phone, text, email, whatever). The only time I might think “hmmm….” is if I had a gift shipped and then never heard that they received it. In that case I’d appreciate a note. But if they’ve already thanked me, I don’t need another piece of paper in the mailbox.
Post # 13
I’m with Daisy_Mae:
on this one, I’m not overly fussed about thank you cards (although thanks is important, I’m perfectly happy with a verbal thank you or a text message, I don’t need a card).
That said, I think general ones are a bit tacky, it just seems very impersonal.
Post # 14
While I personally find that to be incredibly tacky, a PP noted that at least SOMETHING was sent and something is better than nothing. I appreciate knowing that whomever I gifted received the gift I sent or brought and knew I gave it to them. I do appreciate thank you notes myself, I think its just proper etiquette when someone gives you a gift!
I was in charge of making sure the cards and gifts at my FI’s brother’s wedding were safely put into the safe at the end of the night, I had to sign off the packed cards/gifts with the manager and everything. On our way back to the main area, she told me about another venue in the area that had a whole bunch of theft of bridal gifts from weddings. They eventually found out it was the staff, and they were fired and charged, but it happens! If only to confirm you got my gift, I’d like a thank you!
Everyone is different but I personally feel that thank you notes are one of those traditions that should be continued, no matter what!
Post # 15
I didn’t get a thank you note for the last baby shower I missed, but sent a gift in my stead. I assume they didn’t think the gift was enough, or that it wasn’t enough to just send a gift? Dunno. (I did get a thank you to this particular couples wedding, so I know they do “believe” in thank you notes).
Aside from that, I got thank you notes from all the other gifts I’ve given at showers (whether or not in attendance). As you can see from my above statement, no thank you card makes me assume you believed my gift was below you–which is never a nice feeling after spending money on someone else. So no, not sending a thank you just because you don’t think you have to is not ok.