(Closed) Thank you note etiquette.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

I would be extremely unimpressed as I picked my jaw up off the floor and would know that my friend is lazy and a bit ungrateful.

Post # 3
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

She should have sent individualized thank you notes but at least she sent something out. It would have been worse if she didn’t send anything out. I would have been a little upset about that too.

And she should have sent out thank you notes for the shower. People spend a lot of money on those gifts, the least she could do is sit down and write a thank you note for it.

Everyone loves getting something personalized in the mail!!

Post # 4
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Definitely poor etiquette, but it sounds like you know that, so why are you asking us?

Post # 5
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

It seems perhaps she doesn’t know what the proper etiquette is. in which case I might anonymously mail her Emily Post with a computer printed note that says something like, you didn’t seem to know thank you notes should be handwritten. So here’s book to help you in the future. Best, a friend

Post # 7
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’d be SUPER annoyed. If i was super close to her, I’d call her out on it. If not really, well she would be dropping on my friend totem pool.

I don’t get some people. Sure, writing out oodles of thank you’s is long, and your hand hurts, but its the right thing to do.

Post # 8
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
janedw:  I know there’s probably a few people I may have mised for my bridal shower, but we were extremly diligent with our wedding thank yous and got them out in less than three months from the wedding. We actually have only gotten a handful of thank yous from weddings, one where we never even got one but I’m not surpised as the couple is super frugle and didn’t even send paper invites. 

I think the generic e-mail is terrible and you’re right totally outside of proper etiquette. 

Post # 10
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - country club in Michigan

personally I wouldn’t give her any major gifts moving forward if she can’t take even a minute to express thanks. I may also be passive aggressive and make comments about how sweet and thoughtful the thank you notes I recieved from other weddings I attended were, and how it just motivates me to give them bigger gifts moving forward. 

Post # 11
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
janedw:  This is typical I think but its annoys me to no end!! I WILL remember you if you dont send me a thank you!! Honestly, when people don’t send me a thank you note for this kind of stuff its all I can associate with that person. And those who do send a nice, thoughtful note, I always remember that too! It really makes more of an impression than people think. 

Because of this I am so focused on not forgetting to send thank you’s after the wedding… I plan to send handwritten thank you’s to everyone coming, gift or not – and am terrified I will forget someone and they’ll associate that with me forever!

Post # 12
Member
9125 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
janedw:  I don’t care about thank you notes. If I get one, I always think “oh, that’s so sweet!” but if I don’t, I don’t even notice. Sounds like I’m in the minority, and of course people SHOULD send them. I make sure my kids do (I eloped, so never received shower or wedding gifts) but as a recipient, it’s not a big deal to me at all. Especially if you know they received it and they thanked you in person (or phone, text, email, whatever). The only time I might think “hmmm….” is if I had a gift shipped and then never heard that they received it. In that case I’d appreciate a note. But if they’ve already thanked me, I don’t need another piece of paper in the mailbox.

Post # 13
Member
6414 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m with 

View original reply
Daisy_Mae:  on this one, I’m not overly fussed about thank you cards (although thanks is important, I’m perfectly happy with a verbal thank you or a text message, I don’t need a card). 

That said, I think general ones are a bit tacky, it just seems very impersonal. 

Post # 14
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

While I personally find that to be incredibly tacky, a PP noted that at least SOMETHING was sent and something is better than nothing. I appreciate knowing that whomever I gifted received the gift I sent or brought and knew I gave it to them. I do appreciate thank you notes myself, I think its just proper etiquette when someone gives you a gift!

I was in charge of making sure the cards and gifts at my FI’s brother’s wedding were safely put into the safe at the end of the night, I had to sign off the packed cards/gifts with the manager and everything. On our way back to the main area, she told me about another venue in the area that had a whole bunch of theft of bridal gifts from weddings. They eventually found out it was the staff, and they were fired and charged, but it happens! If only to confirm you got my gift, I’d like a thank you!

Everyone is different but I personally feel that thank you notes are one of those traditions that should be continued, no matter what!

Post # 15
Member
9391 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
janedw:  I didn’t get a thank you note for the last baby shower I missed, but sent a gift in my stead.  I assume they didn’t think the gift was enough, or that it wasn’t enough to just send a gift?  Dunno. (I did get a thank you to this particular couples wedding, so I know they do “believe” in thank you notes).

Aside from that, I got thank you notes from all the other gifts I’ve given at showers (whether or not in attendance).  As you can see from my above statement, no thank you card makes me assume you believed my gift was below you–which is never a nice feeling after spending money on someone else.  So no, not sending a thank you just because you don’t think you have to is not ok. 

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