Post # 1
A month out from the big day, I just got a box in the mail from Bed Bath and Beyond with some of our place settings. They’re from a close friend of my parents, and I figured it was an early wedding present that they didn’t feel like carrying to the wedding. I am planning on making cards using a photograph from the wedding for my thank you cards, so I decided to wait and send them a note on the pretty cards after the wedding.
But I just realized that this couple was out of town and couldn’t attend my shower two weeks ago. So now I’m not sure what this is – is it a shower present that I should send an immediate thank you for, or is it a wedding present that I have some time on? Maybe I should send a regular Thank You note, and if I don’t get another gift from them at the wedding, I’ll know it was a wedding present, and I can still send them a photo thank you card to thank them for attending? Confusing!
Post # 3
I would send a thank you now and a photo card after the wedding.
Post # 4
@iheartnerds: Agreed. I’d bet that it’s a wedding gift, but either way I think the politest thing to do is to send a thank-you very soon after you receive a gift. You can always send the photo card after the wedding as a “thanks again for the gift, and thanks for coming”.
Post # 5
i would send a thank you now…. just in case. better safe than sorry ya know 🙂
Post # 6
Either way I would send one now.
Post # 7
Etiquette actually states that you’re not supposed to bring a gift to the wedding, but that you should ship it ahead of (or shortly after) the wedding. Thank you notes should be sent within three months (MAX!) of RECEIVING the gift.
If you really want to wait for your photo cards, you should at least send an email letting the giver know that you got it. I know that when I ship gifts, I’m always a little worried as to whether it made it or not! 🙂
Post # 8
I personally would send it now. Any presents that are sent to us before the wedding I’ve been sending a thank-you within a few days. That will save me time after the wedding when I know I’ll have a ton to do!
Post # 9
The standard that (the original) Emily Post suggested for all thank-you notes, regardless of the occasion (hence, weddings included) was that the notes should be written before you go to bed on the same day that the gift was received.
Photo-cards are a recent innovation. They’re a brilliant idea on the part of some photographer: guaranteeing he gets to sell an addtional hundred or so prints, the bride gets to send out pictures of herself in her “once in a lifetime” dress, and all the guests get a snapshot for their photo albums.
But, etiquette doesn’t acknowledge any special dispensation from prompt thank-you notes, for people who are planning to have photo-cards made. Send the note now, on an old-fashioned plain white heavy-paper fold-over note-card.
If you still want to send them a photo-card as well, you can adopt the new trend of simply thanking them for attending. It’s the guests who are supposed to send “thank-you for your hospitality” notes immediately after the party, but guests don’t have the additional impetus of having a self-portrait to send out with their thank-you notes.
Post # 10
Wow thanks for all the responses. I think I’m going to send a note now, and then another one after the wedding to thank them for attending. Based on the timing, cost of the gift, and this couple’s previous generosity when it comes to graduations and whatnot, I actually think this is more likely to be a shower gift than a wedding gift. But if I’m wrong, at least I’ve thanked them.
I also think aspasia makes an interesting point about the theory behind thank you cards, and I actually wrote my shower thank yous the day after each one. And I guess I am excited about sharing a great dress pic with all my attendees, since I plan on looking so incredibly awesome I want to show off 😉