(Closed) Thank You Note Quandary

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

handa:  There’s really no way to ask without seeming like youre saying, where the heck is my gift? Chances are if you didnt receive it – he didnt send anything. Or – he could still be planning to send something but hasnt gotten around to it. He didn’t even attend the wedding. Hopefully if he did, he will eventually ask you if you have received it.

Post # 3
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t mention it unless it comes up but that’s because, personally, if I can’t make it to a wedding I don’t send a gift unless it’s a very close friend or family member. It may be that he didn’t send you anything because he wasn’t attending.

Then again, you know this person better than I do, so if you’re close to this person and think it probably got lost then I might ask (but still probably not). You mention asking his mom – if you’re close to his mom and don’t think that would be awkward, that might be the way to go. Again, assuming you’re pretty darn sure that he sent something.

Just my $0.02.

Post # 4
7200 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

handa:  He didn’t even go to the wedding so I would assume he didn’t send anything. I have been totally shocked that people I know aren’t coming sent gifts. That said, if knowing him you are sure he would have sent something I guess you could ask his mom but then what is she going to do? Ask him on your behalf? Isn’t that even weirder? 

Post # 5
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

There is no polite way to ask. If he sent something that was lost then he’ll eventually ask you if you received the ______. You don’t send thank yous for just cards anyway. I’d just let it go.

Post # 6
12121 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

No, if he did send something and never hears from you, it’s up to him to ask if it was ever received. Though many people choose to mark the occasion with a gift of someone close, even if they can’t attend, he’s not obligated to give anything. 

Technically, he has a year to give you a gift, while thank you notes are due asap or immediately. 

Many people mistakenly associate cards with gifts and don’t send one without the other, or they will wait to do so until sending the gift. 

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