(Closed) Thank you note quandary

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

That’s definetly a quandry.  I’m sure she knows that it bounced but maybe she didn’t mean to because she wrote it when she had money in her account and then maybe you cashed it right after she wrote a bunch of checks?  But then again, maybe she doesn’t.  I know a lot of people who don’t really keep track of their checkbooks.  Maybe you should mention in the letter that the check bounced, since I’m sure that you had to pay a fee for it.  Something like “I’m sorry to say that the check you gave us bounced when we tried to deposit it.”

Post # 4
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hm… this is a sticky one. I’d be inclined not to mention that the check bounced because it could be a source of embarrassment. Can you instead write her a thank you note for coming to the wedding? If she then follows up asking about the check you can talk about it to her then. 

Post # 5
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee

This is a tricky situation, but I think the answer is fairly obvious. While it’s unfortunate that you received a penalty for her bounced check, you need to take the higher road here. I suggest you make no remark about the check at all. (I’m sure she knows by now and is embarrassed. What good is pointing it out on top of that?) With thank-you-notes, it’s nice to include something personal about the gift itself. But in this instance, just tell her how much you appreciated her presence at your wedding.

We didn’t run into this specific problem after our wedding, but we did have a few guests who did not bring gifts. We wouldn’t feel right not sending a thank-you, so we told them how we were thankful to have them share our day, come such a long way, etc. etc…

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I actually think you should make her aware that the check bounced. For her benefit more than anything. if a lot of time has passed, tell her you just noticed or something. Tell her you just want to make her aware in case something more serious is going on like identity theft, etc. Tell her to check her bank account to make sure nothing looks awry. If she gets embarrased and says she doesn’t have the money anymore, then just tell her absolutely no problem, coming to your wedding was enough of a gift and a thank you note is on the way.

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