Thank you note questions

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9780 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

1. We used a full length picture

2. Yes, send a thank-you card to each person who contributed to the gift. It’s okay if the cards sounds somewhat similar. 

3. Technically, you aren’t supposed to send a thank-you just for attending. The reception thanks your guests for coming and you should have greeted each guest and thanked them for coming at the reception. Sending a card is unnecessary and can be percieved as a gift grab, like you are reminding them that they didn’t give a gift.

Post # 3
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

1. We used a full length photo on the front of our cards but also had a spread on the inside cover (one of the whole bridal party and two more of us, one closer up and one further away).

2. Yes, send each person a separate card. I wouldn’t think it would matter if the messages sound somewhat the same (I’m sure mine did) – I doubt anyone is comparing them!

3. We also only had a few guests who didn’t give us a gift, but we decided not to send them thank you cards. As PP said, the reception is to thank your guests for coming and the thank you card is to thank them for their gift. No one said anything about the lack of thank you card to us, so I’m guessing they weren’t expecting one.

Post # 5
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

nonablu :  I think sending everyone a card especially if they came from out of town is appropriate. To withhold a thank you because they didn’t give a gift is petty to me. The thank you cards to me are thanking you for sharing a special day not for spending extra money on a gift. I sent a thank you card to all the guests who took time out of their life, traveled, likely spent money on a new outfit, and or arrange special plans to be there. I also wrote a special note on separate stationary to thank for specific gifts. 

Post # 6
Member
9780 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

lululias :  It’s not petty. The reception is a thank you to the guests for coming and the couple should also greet and thank all thier guests for coming at the reception. So you’ve already thanked them for coming. 

Post # 7
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

I’m with  lululias :  on this one – I would send a Thank You to everyone who attends, gift or not. 

I don’t think you HAVE to, it’s just nice to send and receive letters I think.

I had also never heard of the reception being a Thank You to the guests until I joined this website, so I don’t really see them as such. It’s probably a regional thing though.

Post # 8
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

stephisaur :  the reception being a thank you is not regional….it’s literally what it means to “receive” guests. That’s like saying “dinner is meant to feed people is a regional thing.” Smh. 

nonablu :  you’re not “withholding a thank you” from anyone by not sending them a card. You should have thanked your guests at the wedding. You’re now sending additional thanks to guests who brought gifts, as gifts aren’t (technically) required. So you’re giving additional thanks, not withholding thanks. 

Post # 9
Member
2627 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull

catskillsinjune :  In the UK it’s literally just part of the celebration – it’s why we don’t see it as “rude” that we have additional guests to the evening reception. 

I get that you see it as rude in the US, and that you see the reception as a Thank You and that’s fine. That’s what I meant by regional – just because it isn’t how YOU do it, doesn’t make it wrong. I think it’s really weird that US weddings are just for a few hours, because ours are so long in comparison, that doesn’t make either type better or worse than the other.

 

Post # 10
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

stephisaur :  a reception in the US is still part of the celebration. that doesn’t change the fact you throw a party and provide your guests with food and a good time because they’ve made the effort to come celebrate with you. that doesn’t vary between the UK and the US. the fact that you have evening guests is neither here nor there as far as this conversation – your evening guests are not hosted in the same manner as the day guests;the day guests are fed the wedding breakfast, while the evening guests are not. one could say that the day guests are receiving proportionate thanks for spending the whole day with you.

i never claimed that US weddings were better or worse than UK ones – simply that a reception, by its very nature, is a thank you to your guests for coming to celebrate with you.

Post # 11
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

hikingbride :  No the reception is your celebration. It is by no means a thank you. 

Post # 12
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

A reception is a celebration or a formal party. Google it. It says nothing about a THANK you. People staying at the reception is part of them attending an event. 

Post # 14
Member
5043 posts
Bee Keeper

nonablu :  That’s what we did. People went through a lot of travel and expense. We sent cards for those that traveled a lot. There will be those that disagree with me. But if you write s nice heartfelt note I think it’s fine. 

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