(Closed) Thank You Note…sort of…

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

Eh. I mean. Handwritten notes are nice but they’re not a requirement. Of all the weddings I’ve gone to, I think maybe half have included a hand written note. 

I will be writing notes to all our guests but I know many won’t be expecting it. 

It’s not really unacceptable, not really rude. It’s just a bit flippant. IMO, at least. 

Post # 3
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

I totally disagree with PP, I think handwritten thank you notes are one aspect of etiquette that desperately needs to be kept. I would find this very rude and lazy.

Post # 4
Member
828 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
FutureMrsMcGinnis :  I’m in the camp of this being rude. If a person took the time out of their day and spent their hard earned money to celebrate me, they’ll receive a personalized handwritten thank you note.

I haven’t been receiving thank you notes from the recent events I’ve been invited to and it doesn’t make it any less rude. Not a fan with how my generation thinks they’re beyond proper manners. 

Post # 6
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

Guys, come on. Isn’t this a little entitled?

The couple provided you with free food, free alcohol and free entertainment (sometimes even a wedding favour which acts as the ‘thank you’).

You then provided them with a gift of whatever value you thought appropriate. 

I would call that even steven. Are we going to start writing letters to the brides and grooms, thanking them for throwing a nice event and inviting us? No, so why should they need to write multiple letters thanking everyone, when does the thanking stop. If couples do that then bonus, but not everyone has the time to write out a hundred heart felt sentiments. 

It seems like you want a letter along the lines of “wow that was so generous of you” just for validation. It is great you guys made a big effort to go, but you don’t earn a thank you card for giving a gift at a wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Are bees really trying to say that you don’t need to send a thank you note??? You absolutely do. A printed photo of a couple is not a thank you note. Take the freaking time to write thoughtful notes to the people who wrote you a card and gave you wedding gifts!

Post # 8
Member
390 posts
Helper bee

thank you notes are not a norm for a lot of countries. Please note that when commenting.

 

I have never once recevied personalised hand written note from anyone I have given a gift to, and would have never expected one.

Post # 10
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee

Ive never received a hand written thank you note except from one neighbor way back in the day. It’s just not an thing in my culture (South Asian). I know about it because I was raised in America. We just do verbal thank you’s. Idk. I’ve never given a gift with the expectation of a super formal thanks in return 🤷🏻‍♀️ I personally do thank you cards occasionally because I like the sentiment but I never have and never will be upset or offended if someone else doesn’t. We didn’t for the wedding because we got married in Pakistan and it’s not a thing there. But I did do it for graduation gifts and such. 

Post # 11
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

No, you attended the ceremony and the reception thanked you for that. Hence why you don’t write a thank you card for simply attending because the free food and alcohol/party already acknowledged that. A gift is an optional add on that the guest can choose to give, and if they do then a thank you note is necessary to acknowledge the above and beyond generosity of the guest. People make time to attend your day and select a gift/give you hard earned money, you can find the time to write 3 damn sentences. Seriously they don’t take that long. 

View original reply
HarveySpecter :  

all of above is assuming the wedding takes place in a culture where thank you notes are the norm, I hadn’t heard they weren’t in some cultures!

Post # 12
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You absolutely should send a hand written note. It’s very rude not to.

I also think it’s rude you only stayed two hours at her wedding. You should never leave before cake cutting. 

Post # 13
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I once received a thank you “card” that  was printed out on regular computer paper. It basically said

Dear friends & family,

Thank you for attending our wedding and/or for the gift you gave us. 

-Bride and Groom

I received it about a few days after the wedding, before they even received their gift I bought (I waited too long to order it, so was waiting till I knew they were back from their honeymoon). So to me, it came off as a passive aggressive way of commenting on a lack of a present. Although honestly, it was probably just them being lazy. 

I think I would have preferred the picture to what was basically a form letter.

Post # 14
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

hockeybee0104 :  I think a 6 hour reception (paid for by the bride and grooms hard earned money) is more than just a thank you for attending a 30min ceremony. 

A lot of people try to value the gift around how much they think their seat cost at the wedding, so that would assume that their gift is in return for attending the reception.

You’re right though, these three damn sentences didnt take too long to write. 😉

 

 

Post # 15
Member
735 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s basic etiquette to send a *handwritten* thank you note (not a text, email or pre-fabbed card) for a wedding gift. I was raised in the south (US) so perhaps I’m a tad bit biased, but come on. It doesn’t have to be wordy. I’m sorry to see this gesture fading away. 

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