Post # 1
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
Hola Hive!
Weird question for you guys, and hear me out before you think I’m sounding like a total biotch 🙂
So we had quite a few (7) guests who attended our wedding that did not give us a gift. This is totally fine with us. In fact, we had a quote on our website that said “more than anything we consider your presence our gift, but if you’d really like to get us something tangible….” and on to registry info. Our wedding was about 3 hours away from everyone, so not without expense.
Anyway, so my question is this – I want to send a thank you card to these people, thanking them for sharing in our special day. However Burger, my mother, and Mother-In-Law are not on the same page. Partially because I think they feel burned by these people (I should note that they were all immediate family members – aunts, uncles, cousins..), and also in part because they think it might seem rude. You see what they’re saying, kind of like the thank you wouldn’t be genuine and just sort of being like “wtf where was the gift?!”
So you see, this is just a really awkward situation, and I don’t know what to do! I know that technically people have 1 year to give you a gift, but I mean these are people that were in attendance at our wedding almost 9 weeks ago!
HELP!?!
Post # 3
Member
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper
I think you should send the thank you (because YOU want to thank them for sharing in the day) and leave it like that.
If they take it as snotty and read into it, then they have some serious issues.
Post # 4
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
send a thank you card. for sure 🙂
Post # 5
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
I would send something too. I echo oracle — if they read into it, that’s THEIR problem, and even moreso since they didn’t bring anything anyway, so they have no right getting upset. You made it clear that your main priority was their presence and not the gift.
But, honestly, I think most people would appreciate it! Especially if you said something like, “We really enjoyed having you at the wedding! I’m so glad we got to see you! Hope to see you at the family -whatever function- soon!” Keep it simple, and they’ll be less likely to think that you’re being passive agressive about their gift giving (which they shouldn’t anyway, but you know…)
Post # 6
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
I had this issue as well. And we were actually concerned that something may have gone missing. Since it was also quite close family for us, my father just reached out to them and asked if they had brought a gift (while making it VERY clearly that we were only asking to make sure things didn’t go missing… not because we were offended). My aunt was actually really glad that we asked because she hadn’t brought a gift because my uncle has been ill and she hadn’t been able to go shopping.. she is going to give us a gift, just hasn’t purchased it yet. Is there a chance that gifts were lost? If you send a vague thank you note they may think “wow.. the Burgers didn’t even put the effort into knowing what we got them.” If they are close family maybe somone could ask them? Either way, I would advise against sending a thank you note since there isn’t really much to thank them for. Hosting the reception is your thank you for attending.. a thank you note is for a gift.
Post # 7
Member
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I would send a thank you note anyway. Just don’t tell your Mother-In-Law or your mother.
Post # 8
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
@Moose – I was worried about this as well! My mom does not feel comfortable asking (since things are tenuous with some of these family members), and Burger’s family members actually did mention that they needed to get us something and just have not (aparently they are notorious for this sort of thing – not gifting people at weddings, they are very wealthy), so they are people I am particularly confused about. Burger doesn’t want to send them one, so I don’t think we will. I think your point about people thinking that we didn’t thank them for the gift is also accurate. Ugh. If they had just given an empty card so that I knew they had no intention of gifting us something, that would make this so much easier, ya know?!
Thanks for your input guys!
Post # 9
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
We only had 2 people not give us *anything* – not even a card. They were both people where it did hurt my feelings (both cousins, who are sisters, one of whom was a bridesmaid, that’s how close we are). I didn’t send them a thankyou card – I figured I had said thankyou on the day and given out favours which to me are a thankyou for coming. The one who was a bridesmaid had been given a gift for that role too. If you really want to send a card I would, but I don’t think you should feel obligated 🙂
Post # 10
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
I think you should send something like “thank you for attending our wedding and celebrating with us.” That way it’s personal, especially since you specifically said “You’re presence is gift enough blah blah blah…”
Post # 11
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
I probably won’t send thank-yous to people who did not gift give. My thank you for showing up is food, drinks, favors, and dancing! I will write out a nice thank-you’s if there happens to be a gift involved because it is polite.
Post # 12
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee
I’d send a thank you note anyways. Maybe they will get the note and then remember to send you a gift. haha.
Did these people get you a card at least?
Post # 14
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
we had a couple of these…and the same indecision about to send thank you or not. I finally decided to print out a photo of them from the wedding and include it in the thank you card. Wanted to share this fun photo of you and we loved getting the chance to spend time with you card. It seemed to make everyone happy, I got to send a thank you note of sorts but to my mom it wasn’t the same.
Incidentally we received gifts from them several months later 🙂
Post # 15
Member
31 posts
Newbee
I love the photo idea! I would send a note, too – you could also send a short letter or a blank card in which you thank them for coming – separate from the formal thank you notes for gifts, if you’re worried it will seem like fishing.
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