(Closed) Thank You Notes?!

posted 11 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7172 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you should send the thank you (because YOU want to thank them for sharing in the day) and leave it like that.

If they take it as snotty and read into it, then they have some serious issues.

Post # 4
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

send a thank you card. for sure πŸ™‚

Post # 5
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I would send something too.  I echo oracle — if they read into it, that’s THEIR problem, and even moreso since they didn’t bring anything anyway, so they have no right getting upset.  You made it clear that your main priority was their presence and not the gift.

But, honestly, I think most people would appreciate it!  Especially if you said something like, “We really enjoyed having you at the wedding!  I’m so glad we got to see you!  Hope to see you at the family -whatever function- soon!”  Keep it simple, and they’ll be less likely to think that you’re being passive agressive about their gift giving (which they shouldn’t anyway, but you know…)

Post # 6
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I had this issue as well.  And we were actually concerned that something may have gone missing.  Since it was also quite close family for us, my father just reached out to them and asked if they had brought a gift (while making it VERY clearly that we were only asking to make sure things didn’t go missing… not because we were offended).  My aunt was actually really glad that we asked because she hadn’t brought a gift because my uncle has been ill and she hadn’t been able to go shopping.. she is going to give us a gift, just hasn’t purchased it yet.  Is there a chance that gifts were lost?  If you send a vague thank you note they may think “wow.. the Burgers didn’t even put the effort into knowing what we got them.”  If they are close family maybe somone could ask them?  Either way,  I would advise against sending a thank you note since there isn’t really much to thank them for. Hosting the reception is your thank you for attending.. a thank you note is for a gift.

Post # 7
8351 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would send a thank you note anyway. Just don’t tell your Mother-In-Law or your mother.

Post # 9
1102 posts
Bumble bee

We only had 2 people not give us *anything* – not even a card. They were both people where it did hurt my feelings (both cousins, who are sisters, one of whom was a bridesmaid, that’s how close we are). I didn’t send them a thankyou card – I figured I had said thankyou on the day and given out favours which to me are a thankyou for coming. The one who was a bridesmaid had been given a gift for that role too. If you really want to send a card I would, but I don’t think you should feel obligated πŸ™‚

Post # 10
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you should send something like “thank you for attending our wedding and celebrating with us.”  That way it’s personal, especially since you specifically said “You’re presence is gift enough blah blah blah…”

Post # 11
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I probably won’t send thank-yous to people who did not gift give. My thank you for showing up is food, drinks, favors, and dancing! I will write out a nice thank-you’s if there happens to be a gift involved because it is polite.

Post # 12
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I’d send a thank you note anyways. Maybe they will get the note and then remember to send you a gift. haha.

Did these people get you a card at least?

Post # 14
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

we had a couple of these…and the same indecision about to send thank you or not.  I finally decided to print out a photo of them from the wedding and include it in the thank you card.  Wanted to share this fun photo of you and we loved getting the chance to spend time with you card. It seemed to make everyone happy, I got to send a thank you note of sorts but to my mom it wasn’t the same.

Incidentally we received gifts from them several months later πŸ™‚

Post # 15
31 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

I love the photo idea!  I would send a note, too – you could also send a short letter or a blank card in which you thank them for coming – separate from the formal thank you notes for gifts, if you’re worried it will seem like fishing.

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