(Closed) Thank you notes – a different kind of etiquette question

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

Good question!  I’m in the same boat as you…bought a gift off a Macy’s registry in the fall and haven’t received any Thank You note yet…I hope they received it!

Post # 4
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Same here – August wedding we couldn’t attend, haven’t heard anything yet…

Post # 5
Member
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

double post

Post # 6
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you happen to know of anybody who also gave a gift?  Ask them if they received a thank-you note.  That’s probably the first thing I’d do in this situation.

 

I’m not a fan of the “we aren’t writing thank-you notes” group.  Hey, fine with me.  I just figure they don’t appreciate my gift so I won’t bother giving them a gift again.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

This drives me bananas! I had forgotten, but I didn’t receive a thank-you note for the gift I brought to a wedding in August. I even put the card inside the wrapped box so it wouldn’t get lost.

Unfortunately, I don’t think there is really a good way to ask if someone got your gift. If it was a relative, such as a cousin, perhaps you could ask your aunt (the mom) if she knows whether cousin Daisy got your gift— you’re concerned it may have gotten lost in the mail. Other than that, nothing seems to sound right.

Post # 8
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We just finished sending ours out and we were married late September. We were waiting for our photos to be included, so we ended up doing two different kinds. I know we were a bit late… but didnt’ realize it should be sooner. As a Bride I guess I would think it would be okay to say just checking to make sure you received our wedding gift? We sent it… or left it … and wanted to make sure it made it to you safely? 

Post # 9
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I got several BBB gifts with no card or indication whatsoever as to who they were from.

Post # 10
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You could ask her if they received the gift, saying something about how you just wanted to make sure sh got the gift, because you were worried that it might have gotten lost/delivered to the wrong person. Or maybe you could ask how they are enjoying the gift?

Post # 11
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would ask.  Just make it as polite as possible.  I’ve had my packages go mysteriously missing and fed ex had no clue where the package was, and swore up and down they delivered it.  They never did get around to getting in touch with the driver so a month after I ordered my product (it was some Yogi Tea) I finally got a replacement package sent out.  So i actually an really leary about fed ex now.  My BBB mixer came from UPS.  But unless you have the tracking number I dont think you could look this up.  If you do have anything though you could call them and see if it was delivered.  That being said, they could say it was and it never actually did, like what happened to me!  So i would check with her just to make sure.  I heard a lot of companies are now requiring there to be a signature because people are stealing a lot of deliveries too!  It’s a shame but its not like it used to be and if i sent a gift I would want to be sure it got there.  Id just say I know she was busy but I just want to make sure you got the package I sent because I’ve heard too many horror stories from shipping companies!  Also as bebero said there could be no card so they might be as perplexed as you!

Post # 12
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m totally alien to the whole world of registries etc. But could you find out about it in a round-about way, like “hey, how is that mixer going? We’re looking at getting a new one, is it good?” or “hey do you like the vase, we were tossing up between that and the breadmaker…”

 

Post # 13
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

I personally would send mine a couple months later because I am planning on giving as a favour a nice photo frame, and than sending a wedding photo with the thank you cards for the frame

Post # 14
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@oracle:  I don’t think you should be worried about offending the bride in this situation.  Not sending a thank you is just rude!  I’d give it 6 months before I said anything but after that I’d just straight up ask, hey I just wanted to make sure you received our gift and it didn’t get lost in the mail.

Post # 15
Member
404 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t ask how the gift was going, in that it might sound passive agressive. I’d be really honest and say “Hey! How’re you doing? I was wondering if the gift we sent for your wedding arrived? I figure you’d just not gotten around to sending out the thank you’s yet, but you hear all sorts of stories of parcels going missing and thought I should just double check it made it to you safely, so I can harrass people if it didn’t!”

Or something similar, I often find that with a potentially offencive question it’s easier to give an excuse for them as part of the question, that way they can just go along with it and use your excuse for why they’ve not done something/said something etc.

I wouldn’t be offended, I’m also the type of person who totally doesn’t get around to writing thank you letters (even though I have the best intentions, that kinda thing seems to not get done). So I’d be apologetic but probably expecting that kinda thing and in no way offended!

Post # 16
Member
1611 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I totally think it is ok to ask if they got your gift.  When I sent out my thank you notes, I made ais take and forgot/missed sending one to my husband’s uncle.  When he realized he didn’t get a thank you note and other people did, he inquired about his gift, and I did not think he was rude at all; I just felt so bad that I somehow made that mistake!

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