Post # 1
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
My DH and I got married May 9th and have since recieved at least 30 thank you notes from attendees. Now I’m panicing because I have never heard of doing this and have never sent a thank you for a wedding I have attended myself. Have I just totally missed a major part of wedding ettiquette??
Edit: A poster mentioned that the title and post was a little confusing. These were not notes written in to the RSVP but Thank you notes we recieved after the wedding thanking us for the event/including them. I am from Kentucky and have never heard of this being an American or southern thing.
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This topic was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by
craftylish.
Post # 2
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
craftylish: I have never heard of this…..where are you from?
Post # 3
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
craftylish: I would send an RSVP with a thank you on it but not two letters. Is it a thank you that also says “yes” or “no” or merely a thank you for being invited?
Post # 4
Member
6432 posts
Bee Keeper
craftylish: We also received quite a few thank you cards from guests after the wedding (incidentally, your poll wording might confuse people, as it sounds as though you’re referring to receiving a thank you card for an invitation, whereas I think what you’re actually referring to is receiving a thank you card after the event itself?). I wouldn’t say it’s a necessity, personally; I would always thank the couple verbally on the day, and in the card/note with the gift. However, we did really appreciate the cards we received, and thought they were very sweet.
Post # 5
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
Never. That seems a bit strange and way too over the top to do.
I feel like all this etiquette stuff can be a bit too much at times.
Post # 6
Member
4888 posts
Honey bee
Never heard of them. We got thank you’s back with our RSVP’s (like on the posctard) if someone couldn’t make it… like, “Thanks for the invite, but we can’t make it”.
Interesting.
Post # 7
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
weatherbug: California/kentucky?
FromA2B2013: We got thank you notes after the wedding thanking us for the event itself. Notes along the lines saying they had a great time and really appreciated being included.
Post # 8
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
Follow up question: I am attending the wedding of a friend who wrote both DH AND my parents a thank you note after the wedding. So I do the same for her wedding?
Post # 9
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
- Wedding: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception/The Gallery
I send thank you notes to the host/hostess of almost any party I attend as it’s a way to thank them for their hospitality, etc. and I think it adds a nice thoughtful touch that people appreciate.
However, for a wedding, I always thought that a gift and a card with well wishes is the “thank you” for inviting me and hosting me at the (probaly overwhelmingly overpriced) event. I suppose if the event is actually hosted by parents of the bride/groom, a thank you note could be nice, but probably unnecessary. I’ve never seen or done this and I wouldn’t stress about it. Sounds like you just happen to know a lot of Emily Post’s faithful followers.
Post # 10
Member
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
craftylish: where I am from it is not tradition. But I went to a wedding in Spain last summer and guests were sending thank you cards to the couple. Kind of Thank you for treating is to a very nice evening with great food, drinks, cake, music and on a beautiful place. It made me think that if I go to a small dinner party, even when I take something with me like a bottle of wine, dessert or something I still send a little note, text or call to the hosts thanking them for their effort and for hosting us. Why should a wedding, where there is so much more effort put into it, and a whole LOT more money invested in making sure your guests have a great time should be any different? It made me realize it’s still a nice detail to show appreciation.
And in countries where there is no expectation whatsoever of gifts, let alone expensive ones, guests can be a little more appreciative. Even in smaller celebrations.
I found it a very nice gesture and I decided to send thank you notes for every wedding we attend from now on. Cultural thing or not, in my eyes appreciation is a good thing and makes people’s efforts uhh well duh, appreciated lol
Post # 11
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
Sporty-Bee: you are so right. I’m glad to hear it isnt expected (I was so worried I had offended the bride and groom from previous weddings) but why not send a thank you? She has been stressing about all the guests having a great time all year, that most certainly desrves a thank you.
Post # 12
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
Yes I think it is an old school possibly southern thing. I got a few after our wedding, though ive never written any like that before. It was mostly older folks. I made a mental note and I may do some in the future but I dont think people expect it or it’s a must-do.
Post # 13
Member
2536 posts
Sugar bee
craftylish: Ah thats a little different. I thought you meant it was a thank you for being invited prior to the wedding!
When I leave a wedding I usually try and find the bride or groom to say “thank you for inviting me” but if I can’t see them/they’re really busy I might just go. I don’t think I would ever send a thank you note. I feel if you’ve said thank you in person you don’t need to do a note.
Post # 14
Member
892 posts
Busy bee
craftylish: I’ve never heard of thank you notes from guests, but it made me think of this:
Post # 15
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
I’ve never heard of it, and I’ve never done it, but in response to your follow up question, I think I would reciprocate to the friend that sent you one. I wouldn’t worry about it for anyone else in the future, but since she sent one to you and your parents, I would probably respond in kind. It’s a nice a nice thing to do either way.