(Closed) Thank you notes from guests?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Have you ever sent a note after a wedding to thank the bride and groom for the event/ being included

    I always send a thank you after a wedding to the bride and groom!

    I have never sent a thank you after a wedding for the event.

    I have sent a few thank yous as a guest thanking the b/g for the wedding

  • Post # 2
    Member
    5152 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

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    craftylish:  I have never heard of this…..where are you from?

    Post # 3
    Member
    2536 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

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    craftylish:  I would send an RSVP with a thank you on it but not two letters. Is it a thank you that also says “yes” or “no” or merely a thank you for being invited?

    Post # 4
    Member
    6432 posts
    Bee Keeper

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    craftylish:  We also received quite a few thank you cards from guests after the wedding (incidentally, your poll wording might confuse people, as it sounds as though you’re referring to receiving a thank you card for an invitation, whereas I think what you’re actually referring to is receiving a thank you card after the event itself?). I wouldn’t say it’s a necessity, personally; I would always thank the couple verbally on the day, and in the card/note with the gift. However, we did really appreciate the cards we received, and thought they were very sweet.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1863 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Never. That seems a bit strange and way too over the top to do. 

    I feel like all this etiquette stuff can be a bit too much at times. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    4888 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Never heard of them. We got thank you’s back with our RSVP’s (like on the posctard) if someone couldn’t make it… like, “Thanks for the invite, but we can’t make it”.

    Interesting.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2168 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception/The Gallery

    I send thank you notes to the host/hostess of almost any party I attend as it’s a way to thank them for their hospitality, etc. and I think it adds a nice thoughtful touch that people appreciate.

    However, for a wedding, I always thought that a gift and a card with well wishes is the “thank you” for inviting me and hosting me at the (probaly overwhelmingly overpriced) event. I suppose if the event is actually hosted by parents of the bride/groom, a thank you note could be nice, but probably unnecessary. I’ve never seen or done this and I wouldn’t stress about it. Sounds like you just happen to know a lot of Emily Post’s faithful followers. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1988 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    craftylish:  where I am from it is not tradition. But I went to a wedding in Spain last summer and guests were sending thank you cards to the couple. Kind of Thank you for treating is to a very nice evening with great food, drinks, cake, music and on a beautiful place. It made me think that if I go to a small dinner party, even when I take something with me like a bottle of wine, dessert or something I still send a little note, text or call to the hosts thanking  them for their effort and for hosting us. Why should a wedding, where there is so much more effort put into it, and a whole LOT more money invested in making sure your guests have a great time should be any different? It made me realize it’s still a nice detail to show appreciation. 

    And in countries where there is no expectation whatsoever of gifts, let alone expensive ones, guests can be a little more appreciative. Even in smaller celebrations. 

    I found it a very nice gesture and I decided to send thank you notes for every wedding we attend from now on. Cultural thing or not, in my eyes appreciation is a good thing and makes people’s efforts uhh well duh, appreciated lol

    Post # 12
    Member
    322 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Yes I think it is an old school possibly southern thing. I got a few after our wedding, though ive never written any like that before. It was mostly older folks. I made a mental note and I may do some in the future but I dont think people expect it or it’s a must-do. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2536 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

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    craftylish:  Ah thats a little different. I thought you meant it was a thank you for being invited prior to the wedding!

    When I leave a wedding I usually try and find the bride or groom to say “thank you for inviting me” but if I can’t see them/they’re really busy I might just go. I don’t think I would ever send a thank you note. I feel if you’ve said thank you in person you don’t need to do a note. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    892 posts
    Busy bee

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    craftylish:  I’ve never heard of thank you notes from guests, but it made me think of this:

    Post # 15
    Member
    1739 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I’ve never heard of it, and I’ve never done it, but in response to your follow up question, I think I would reciprocate to the friend that sent you one.  I wouldn’t worry about it for anyone else in the future, but since she sent one to you and your parents, I would probably respond in kind.  It’s a nice a nice thing to do either way.

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