Thank you notes for cards only?

posted 12 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You don’t have to thank anyone for a card. 

You never call our someone for not giving a gift. That is so rude. It doesn’t matter where these people are in their life, they didn’t give a gift and that’s okay. Them coming to your wedding was all the gift you should expect. 

Maybe they got you something and it hadn’t arrived yet. Maybe they wanted to get you something after the wedding. Who knows. 

Post # 3
Member
847 posts
Busy bee

Yes?

It’s possible both couple have low funds due to a large wedding and attending many weddings.

Eta: if you write them both thank you cards I’d say something along the lines of “thank you for your heart felt wishes and your support on our special day”.

I’ve always read you do thank for a card. We shall see what others say.

Post # 5
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

bear123 :  Rude and blunt are two different things. I was blunt. 

You don’t write a thank you for a card, because it also looks like you are pointing out the lack of gift. 

Post # 6
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

bear123 

One individual in our wedding party just wrote a very nice card with no gift or cash (which I didn’t expect) and we still wrote them a thank you card for attending our wedding and the sweet card. 

Post # 9
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

bear123 :  Well, thank you for your imput on my character. 

Post # 10
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Thank you notes are for gifts, not cards or attendance. Since that is the etiquette, your second concern, that people will think it’s a not too subtle reminder, is the issue. Despite your good intentions it’s not appropriate. 

Also keep in mind that guests may be cash strapped at the moment and still intend to send something. Before the wedding is ideal, but guests have a year to send gifts, while thank you notes are due ASAP. 

On the unlikely chance a gift was included, and stolen or lost, or they “forgot”  the absence of any note could be their cue to follow up or see if it was ever received. 

Post # 11
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sure they are just low on funds right now. Weddings are expensive!   did they give a bridal shower gift or similar?  I think a thank you for attending and the wishes is appropriate and not calling out anything. 

Post # 12
Member
8835 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

bear123 :  You yourself have acknowledged that thanking someone for a card will LOOK LIKE you are calling them out, which is why you’re conflicted about sending it. But you should not feel conflicted. You’re right — thanking someone for a card is highly likely to be seen as saying either A) “Thanks for nothing cheapskate” or B) “Hey silly-willy you forgot to include the gift. Nbd, we’re still accepting so here’s your second chance.” This is why etiquette (and common sense) say you send thank you cards for gifts, not for cards without a gift or for “attendance” etc. 

Post # 13
Member
6602 posts
Bee Keeper

No thank you for a card. 

Post # 15
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee

bear123 :  I’m curious how you know that funds are not an issue for a couple you see 6 times a year? Have you seen their bank statements? Outstanding debts? Credit card statement? Student loan payment? 

Yes it is irrelevant which is why I suggested you write a thank you note for the card in my opinion. 

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