Thank you to guests that didn’t give a gift

posted 8 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I wouldn’t bother sending a thank you until (if they ever) they give a gift. I try to go by the rule that unless a gift is given, there’s no need for a thank you. The exception I made was for one family member and one friend who each had to travel quite a distance but didn’t give a gift.

Post # 4
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think of it as good etiquette to send a thank you no matter what, if they came to your wedding.  It will just include a much shorter note since you can’t tell them how much you appreciated their gift.  I basically put something along the lines of “Thank you so much for coming to our wedding and sharing our special day with us.  It was great to see you and we hope you had fun.”  Just something to thank them for taking the time to be there.  Maybe when they receive their thank you they will realize that they didn’t give you a gift.

Post # 5
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

They have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift, says etiquette. Also, wedding gifts are NOT MANDATORY. You do NOT get a prize for pledging your life to another person. IT IS NOT A GAMESHOW.

Honestly? I would send them a thank you note anyway. It seems as though you are trying to find petty reasons as to justify not sending them one. (I ask – does it REALLY matter who paid for whose wedding? What does that have ANYTHING to do with giving gifts and thank yous?)

Send them a quick thank you note for coming to celebrate and share in your day with you and how much their presence meant to you. No one says you have to be 100% truthful; it’s called being polite, gracious and tactful. As the hosts of an event it is always good manners to thank each guest for coming, WHETHER OR NOT they gave you an expensive hostess gift!

I don’t mean to berate you or give you an etiquette thrashing, but it is an super pet peeve of mine to hear brides complaining about not getting a gift for an event that they threw to celebrate themselves as a couple. The people you invite for that event *should* be there because you wanted them to witness the joining of two people in love, NOT because you were expecting to receive gifts from them. And I HAVE to add: you have no idea what their financial situation is truly like; why are you judging them? Do you have a copy in hand of their last bank statement that we don’t know about?

Post # 6
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would definitely send a thank you no matter what. 

Post # 7
7295 posts
Busy Beekeeper

i understand why you are offended. i know we are not supposed to expect gifts and all that etiquette has to say about them not being “mandatory”.  but for something like this, you can’t help but feel like “huh”.  it WOULD have been nice of them to get you gift just because you got them one too!!! i get it. you will have people on here berating you for “expecting” a gift. but i understand you are human and have feelings, so i am validating those for you.

as for the thank you note. i would do it.  i understand why you don’t want to, but i think that is all the more reason to send the note…..and like someone else said, maybe it will get them thinking that it WAS a little *rude* to not get you something….and i say this not because i think you should be trying to get them to get you a gift.  its not really about the gift. its about the fact that you went out of your way to do it for them, why couldn’t they return the favor.

Post # 8
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I had the same thing happen to me and I was married the day after you 🙂  I just sent out thank you cards to everyone and enclosed a group picture of taken at the end of the wedding.  I am not expecting anything, but maybe the thank you card will remind them that they didn’t send/give you a gift.  I mean how can you not love getting this picture?


Post # 10
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It might not be polite to show up empty handed, but it happens. No one, regardless if you gave a gift at their wedding, is obligated to get a gift or card. It is nice to at least give a card, but it’s not an obligation on the guests’ part. No one can force you to invite them to your wedding – you could very well have stuck by having a small wedding and not sent an invite. Who paid for their wedding and your wedding should not matter. There were guests who attended our wedding and didn’t give a gift or card. I sent thank you notes thanking them for their attendance and for sharing our day, because that it what matters. And, Darling Husband and I paid for our wedding ourselves. We still didn’t expect gifts.

Post # 11
26 posts
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would send a not like “thank you for coming” but not a hinting on not giving you gift. Actually if a couple pays a lot for resto and other enterteiments for guests, of course they expect to get smth (usually money gift) to compensate their big expenses. We all are not millioners. But if such situation happened better to be polite and not trash your wedding day with a scandal.

Post # 12
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Some people follow the rule they have a year to give a gift.  I’d hold off otherwise you may end up sending two, and frankly who wants to do more work then neccessary.

Post # 13
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i would never hint about a missing gift in a thank you card…that seems extremely rude. 

Post # 14
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@dempc:  No, its not necessary to thank someone just for anding your wedding – you don’t thank someone for accepting your hospitality – the hospitality is the “thank you.”

However, it would be extremely rude of you to mention their lack of gift.  Wedding gifts, while customary, aren’t owed. 

Don’t get me wrong, I understand perfectly whey you feel slighted but their poor manners wouldn’t excuse yours.  Wait and see what happens – you can always just cool the relationship. 

Post # 15
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would send a thank you, for sure.  I would never mention a lack of gift.  Just thank them for attending… but not adding anything else should be enough.  If they did give a gift, they will wonder why you didn’t mention it, and then lead to them approaching you.  You never know their situation.  You ended up inviting them and they came.  Maybe a gift will come late, maybe not a all.  It’s just something that you kind of have to go in knowing there is a possiblity that could happen.  I always give a great gift, but that’s me.  Everyone is very different from each other… don’t we know this because of this site?! 😉  Don’t let it bother you too long, it’s too much negative energy…  It’s not worth it!

Post # 16
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think of thank you’s as having 2 purposes: Thanking people for attending your special day AND thanking them for a gift. If someone didn’t come to my wedding but sent me a gift, I would still send them a thank you for the gift so I guess if someone came but did not give a gift, I would still send a thank you for coming.

I agree with you for being offended because even if don’t give a gift, why couldn’t you give a card.

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