(Closed) Thank you to guests who didn’t bring a gift?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I always thought thank-you cards were for gifts, not for coming to the wedding.  It’s nice to write a thank-you card for coming, but I don’t think it’s required.

Post # 4
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2007

I thought the same as rzblna.  I only sent thank you’s to those who gave gifts.

Post # 5
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t know the proper etiquette…however, local guests who didn’t bring a gift AND brought an uninvited guest – what is there to thank? 

But I get your drift, you don’t want to feel like you aren’t acknowledging the fact that they were at the wedding. I think if you want to acknowledge them, a short email is sufficient!

 

 

Post # 6
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

I would image that if you invited this person to begin with, they are a friend or family, that you wanted to share your special day with. That being said, why wouldn’t you thank them for being there?

Does it really matter if they traveled, had to get a hotel room, or brought a gift (which by the way they have a year to send), they did shared your day with you!

Just because they have no manners, in bringing a uninvited guest, you shouldn’t do the same! Etiquette isn’t an eye for an eye!?!

  

 

 

Post # 7
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

If you are sending them a thank you, I would go with the short and sweet, not much more than a "thank you for sharing in our special day!"

Post # 8
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We will be writing thank yous to everyone who will be at our wedding (and anyone else not able to make it who sends a gift).  Locals showing up with the ‘gift’ of an uninvited guest is not very gracious, but take the high road and send a note – model good manners.  Not sure they’ll get the hint, but at least you’ll have etiquette on your side.

Post # 9
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It is appropriate to send a nice thank you note – telling them how nice it was to see them, how happy you were that they could share your special day, and so on…  whether they brought a gift or not.  There are several possibilities here, after all:  maybe they ordered something online, and it hasn’t showed up yet; maybe they just didn’t have time to shop before the wedding and/or are some of the people who think that you have a year to send your gift; or maybe they just didn’t get you a gift.  If it’s the first, your note will clue them in that the gift hasn’t shown up.  If it’s the second, maybe your note will get them in gear and you’ll see a present soon.  If it’s the third – it is true that a gift is never required.  Even if they weren’t going to get you a gift, a nice card would have been polite.   However, it’s never appropriate for you to behave badly just because someone else did not behave well – two wrongs don’t make a right, and all that.  Send a thank you note, and know that you did the right thing even if they didn’t.

Post # 10
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2007

I used thank you for sharing our special day a lot.  I think it does show good manners on your part to send everyone a thank you note, but if you want an ulterior motive, sending the card will also let people find out if a gift they sent was undelivered.

Post # 11
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Let’s be honest: not receiving a gift is disappointing on any occasion. However, that does not mean that they did not gift you with their presence instead of their presents. I think it would be lovely to send them a note thanking them for their support on such an important occasion. This accomplishes three things: one, you look like the wonderful person you are for being so gracious to your guests; two, if they did send a gift and it got lost they will wonder why you did not thank them for that item and find out what happened to it; three, if they did not get you a gift yet it may prompt them to do so because the note makes it obvious that you noticed.

Post # 12
Member
90 posts
Worker bee

Ask yourself this question…..if it had not been for the uninvited guests, would this even be a question?  If they just came as invited and didn’t give you a gift, would you still be upset.  I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that it’s because of the uninvited guest.  In that case, you should just send a gracious thank you note, and forget about the extra guest.  Be the "bigger person." 

Post # 13
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Here’s my vote:  1. They didn’t bring a gift 2. They didn’t RSVP (that’s my guess…?) 3. They don’t care about proper etiquette or they wouldn’t have done these things.  Send a quick thank you via email. 

Taking the "high road" or whatever these ladies are talking about is pure silliness.  If you care about these things then they are important.  Simple as that  

Good luck.

 

Post # 14
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I struggled a bit with this but then my husband reminded me that we gave them gifts as a “thank you” for attending.

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