Post # 1
We are starting the process of writing thank you cards to all of our guests who gave us gifts. But we’re not sure what to write to guests who came but didn’t bring a gift, besides "thanks for coming." The guests who came but didn’t bring a gift were local to the area, so it wasn’t as if they had to fly in and stay at a hotel. I know guests are not obligated to bring a gift, but a couple of the aforementioned guests brought uninvited guests without giving us a heads up. (Thanks for coming with your uninvited guest?) To be honest, I’m a little bitter about that last part so am tempted to not send them a card. Would it be terrible to not send a card or just email them a quick thanks for coming? Or is it proper etiquette to still send a card anyway?
Post # 3
I always thought thank-you cards were for gifts, not for coming to the wedding. It’s nice to write a thank-you card for coming, but I don’t think it’s required.
Post # 4
I thought the same as rzblna. I only sent thank you’s to those who gave gifts.
Post # 5
I don’t know the proper etiquette…however, local guests who didn’t bring a gift AND brought an uninvited guest – what is there to thank?
But I get your drift, you don’t want to feel like you aren’t acknowledging the fact that they were at the wedding. I think if you want to acknowledge them, a short email is sufficient!
Post # 6
I would image that if you invited this person to begin with, they are a friend or family, that you wanted to share your special day with. That being said, why wouldn’t you thank them for being there?
Does it really matter if they traveled, had to get a hotel room, or brought a gift (which by the way they have a year to send), they did shared your day with you!
Just because they have no manners, in bringing a uninvited guest, you shouldn’t do the same! Etiquette isn’t an eye for an eye!?!
Post # 7
If you are sending them a thank you, I would go with the short and sweet, not much more than a "thank you for sharing in our special day!"
Post # 8
We will be writing thank yous to everyone who will be at our wedding (and anyone else not able to make it who sends a gift). Locals showing up with the ‘gift’ of an uninvited guest is not very gracious, but take the high road and send a note – model good manners. Not sure they’ll get the hint, but at least you’ll have etiquette on your side.
Post # 9
It is appropriate to send a nice thank you note – telling them how nice it was to see them, how happy you were that they could share your special day, and so on… whether they brought a gift or not. There are several possibilities here, after all: maybe they ordered something online, and it hasn’t showed up yet; maybe they just didn’t have time to shop before the wedding and/or are some of the people who think that you have a year to send your gift; or maybe they just didn’t get you a gift. If it’s the first, your note will clue them in that the gift hasn’t shown up. If it’s the second, maybe your note will get them in gear and you’ll see a present soon. If it’s the third – it is true that a gift is never required. Even if they weren’t going to get you a gift, a nice card would have been polite. However, it’s never appropriate for you to behave badly just because someone else did not behave well – two wrongs don’t make a right, and all that. Send a thank you note, and know that you did the right thing even if they didn’t.
Post # 10
I used thank you for sharing our special day a lot. I think it does show good manners on your part to send everyone a thank you note, but if you want an ulterior motive, sending the card will also let people find out if a gift they sent was undelivered.
Post # 11
Let’s be honest: not receiving a gift is disappointing on any occasion. However, that does not mean that they did not gift you with their presence instead of their presents. I think it would be lovely to send them a note thanking them for their support on such an important occasion. This accomplishes three things: one, you look like the wonderful person you are for being so gracious to your guests; two, if they did send a gift and it got lost they will wonder why you did not thank them for that item and find out what happened to it; three, if they did not get you a gift yet it may prompt them to do so because the note makes it obvious that you noticed.
Post # 12
Ask yourself this question…..if it had not been for the uninvited guests, would this even be a question? If they just came as invited and didn’t give you a gift, would you still be upset. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that it’s because of the uninvited guest. In that case, you should just send a gracious thank you note, and forget about the extra guest. Be the "bigger person."
Post # 13
Here’s my vote: 1. They didn’t bring a gift 2. They didn’t RSVP (that’s my guess…?) 3. They don’t care about proper etiquette or they wouldn’t have done these things. Send a quick thank you via email.
Taking the "high road" or whatever these ladies are talking about is pure silliness. If you care about these things then they are important. Simple as that
Post # 14
I struggled a bit with this but then my husband reminded me that we gave them gifts as a “thank you” for attending.