Post # 1
Background: My father is not a great person, so we’ve had no relationship and no contact for almost 10 years. We felt obligated to invite his side of the family and him. For some crazy reason he felt this meant he was going to walk me down the aisle- uh, no way. We were “encouraged” to let him know this, so my now-husband and I spent over an hour coming up with the perfect wording to try and spare his feelings, but still be clear that he was not walking me down.
Even still he caused a big stink at the wedding. He showed up right as they were closing the doors for the ceremony, and I’m told he yelled “You can’t start without me, I’m the father of the bride!” He had also printed out the e-mail we sent him and made a show of it to his entire side of the family. He made a stink face all day and would “refuse to look at me” and turn his body away when I passed up and down the aisle (made for a lot of ruined photos). When I went to talk to him at the reception the only thing he said to me was “Well, I’m about to get going kiddo” and “What kind of dog is Lucy (our pup)?” He gave us $25 and a card with just his signature as a gift.
I know that things could have been a lot worse, but still. I know I’m “supposed” to be grateful that he gave us any gift at all, but to be honest he kind of tarnished my memories, and that sucks more than anything he did. I’d rather he had not come, and sent no gift than to come try and ruin our wedding. I’m sure there are those who’d say I cut him out and deserve what I got, but there are so many awful things he did to my mom and to us through the years, that had I not invited him at all it wouldn’t compare to the things he did.
My question is, how do you write a thank you to someone who acted so badly to me and at our wedding in general? My thoughts were to be as brief as possible “thank you for coming to the wedding, and for your gift. Thank you for thinking of us” or something? Is that too bland, or even too generous? My heart hates to imply anything he did was nice, but I also don’t want to come off as the bad guy.
Post # 3
Honestly, I wouldn’t! I have a strained relationship with my dad too, and though I am thankful he didn’t pull anything like this, if he had, I wouldn’t even acknowledge the $25. But I’m not always a nice person.
Post # 4
Dear Mr. _____, (you can subsititue Dad if you want here, I wouldn’t)
Thank you for the generous gift certificate and card. We will use it towards ______.
Thank you for thinking of us on our special day.
Mr. & Mrs. Alohababy
Post # 5
OMG I am so sorry for you. I also have a non-existant superficial relationship with my bio dad. He had been avoiding me like the plague ever since I got engaged until last week when he called to have coffee. (I think that he was avoiding me because he was afraid that I would ask for money.) He actually had the audacity to ask me what his role was in MY wedding. I told him that he is invited as a guest. After 20 years of completely fucking up I think that his choices are finally catching up with him.
So his sisters (who I am closer with than him) and my cousin whom I adore are all invited. Not sure if they are going to come but we will have to wait and see. I am afraid that he may cause a scene. I am more worried about his wife who I despise! It is because of her that I never had any relationship with my dad (my aunts admitted that when I got older)
So the point is I feel your pain… I would write a thank you not like this:
Dear Dad (thinks in head jerk)
Thank you for coming to our wedding and for the gift and card. It was nice to see you.
Love, (I still write love to my dad because we have this totally fake superficial relationship)
Anyway I hope that this helps and just know that you are really strong for being as nice as you were. I hope that I will keep the same cool on my wedding day.
Post # 6
I also like the we will use it towards ____________ Great space filler rachaelrobin!
Post # 7
I would write like a one-sentence thing.
“Thank you for thinking us of. Love, _______”
Post # 8
And if you have fantastic photographers, maybe see if they can edit him out of the pics that he ruined? No reason for you to be visually reminded of his a$$holery for the rest of your life.
Post # 9
I would write exactly what Ms. Caniche suggested. It acknowledges the gift and it’s not too formal sounding.
I’m sorry to hear about all this dad-related drama at your wedding. I hope you are able to get some peace about it after this.