Post # 1
- Wedding: March 2015 - Los Angeles, CA
Happy Friday Bees!
Need some advice on how to handle DH family situation. DH and I were informed that his step-grandmother tripped and hit her head on the concrete a couple of days ago, and is now in a coma and will be taken of life support in the coming days. Mother-In-Law immediately took off to the east coast (we all live on the west coast), and Mother-In-Law will bring her father to live with her.
Father-In-Law also informed us that because DH grandfather will be living in the downstairs bedroom, and with DH sister and her family also staying throughout the thanksgiving days, DH and I will have to either stay at Father-In-Law law’s late parents (who both passed away earlier this year. There house is still empty, 30 minutes away by freeway, and we have no car since we are flying in), or at a hotel since they don’t have the room for us. Now here the thing. My SIL lives only an hour away (We live 10 hours away), so it would be easy for her to just drive back (they have a 2.5 year old, which I don’t think would be the worst thing if they had to drive back home that night). DH is insulted that we have to spend additional money to get a hotel (last minute, and cheapest hotel I found was $800), on top of the 1k we have already spent on the flight. DH and I feel like we have been practically kicked out and pushed to the side. They never consulted with us, or gave us a heads up about the situation.
Now, I don’t anyone to think we are being inconsiderate (or maybe we are?) considering the tough situtation with DH step-grandmorether. The news came as such a shock and we are devastated that this is happening, but we also feel so insulted that we are getting treated this way. We see DH family about 3 times a year. DH has mentioned several times how hurt he is, and how it would be best not to go. I’ve already booked the hotel in case he decides to actually go. I told him I’m ok doing whatever he decides, but if that we don’t go, more drama will most likely come up. This wouldn’t just stop here. Now that his grandfather is living with his parents, and his sister and her family are always there, chances are that we will have to get a hotel each time we visit. Which honestly feels super weird since we never have a car on us.
I honestly feel terrible that I’m also feeling insulted about what is happening. Any advice I can give DH would be great.
Post # 2
would it be cheaper to rent a car or Uber to and from the house you could potentially stay at then get the hotel room?
Post # 3
People don’t really think rationally in the throws of a sudden tragedy- so I wouldn’t take it that personally. I think staying in a hotel is the best thing right now- and you guys should be a little more compassionate towards the other family members suffering this big loss. It’s not really about you right now…Also, rent a car, find an uber, lyft or taxi…. Not the end of the world.
Post # 4
It’d be better if your husband relegated his oh so hurt feelings about being offered options on where to stay other than your in-laws, and see how he could help those who are really hurting due to the loss of a loved one.
Post # 5
Not to mention hosting during the holidays is already stressful, now adding the loss and huge life adjustment of bringing in a parent to MOVE IN with them…. Yeah. Not about you.
Post # 6
this sounds like a tough situation and like his parents are dealing with a lot right now. i wouldn’t jump to any conclusions that you will have to stay in a hotel everytime you visit them going forward or that their actions somehow indicate that they aren’t interested in seeing you or having you visit. i would talk to his family and say that this situation doesn’t really work for you before immediately jumping to not going to visit.
did his parents propose any options for getting to their house when they suggested that you stay at this other house? obviously they know you don’t have a car. could he borrow one of his parents’ cars for a few days?
can you talk to SIL and see if she would be open to the idea of driving home after thanksgiving? since she is only an hour away, maybe you guys could also stay at her house with them rather than at this random empty house if she and your husband are close?
Post # 7
Why don’t you rent a car,? How do you get around when you go to visit. Do you expect your relatives to drive you around as well as put yous up in their house.
I just reread your ok and you haven’t even been told to get a hotel..you’ve been offered alternative accommodation. You are sounding pretty entitled now. Surely it’s easier for you and DH to drive 30mims away than SIL to drive an hour at end of the night…with a toddler.
Post # 8
So they just lost a loved one and have to abruptly move an elderly family member into their home AND host for the holidays but you’re put out that your convenience wasn’t their first consideration? Maybe that’s why you got put out first…..
Post # 9
There is no “family drama” here — unless you create it by causing a fuss. Do like most of the rest of folks do when they travel: a) rent a car/take an Uber b) book hotel/Airbnb. Address accommodations for future visits after the family has had a moment to grieve. My goodness.
Post # 10
Please be kind to your in-laws. Don’t exoect them to accomodate you, actually if possible do some of the cooking, and cleaning up. They need all the help they can get, they’re having a hard time not you! be a grown up and find ways to get around. About SIL, I’m a little shaken that you would want HER to drive a whole hour at night with a child. Nope.
Talk to your husband. Be kind. Be adults.
Post # 11
Stop creating problems. Rent a car for fuck’s sake, it’s way cheaper than $800.
Post # 12
Renting a car and just adapting to the changes that have come about, for now, is probably the best thing to do.
This isn’t family drama. This is major upheavel in people’s live due to a tragic event. Calm down and work around them.
Post # 13
This is so incredibly stupid. Please come up with some compassion.
Post # 14
OP you are the only person here creating drama. Your in laws are experiencing a shocking loss and are also taking his grandfather into their home quite unexpectedly. Have some compassion for crying out loud. It sounds as though they have given you an option for free accommodation. Rent a car and use it. And your insinuation that the sister should drive her 2 year old an hour makes you sound entitled and selfish. Consider if the shoe were on the other foot and this was your grandparents and parents experiencing this kind of tragedy over the holidays of all times. Get your head out of your ass and offer them whatever they need right now to get through such a difficult time. A little compassion goes a long way.
Post # 15
ohsomrsr15 : “Now, I don’t anyone to think we are being inconsiderate (or maybe we are?)”
Answer is yes. Yes we do think you are being inconsiderate. Because you are being very inconsiderate.
“considering the tough situtation with Darling Husband step-grandmorether.”
OK so you don’t even need us to tell you that this is a tough situation. Somehow that makes it even worse that you aren’t showing much compassion.
The news came as such a shock and we are devastated that this is happening,”
I gotta be honest you don’t seem all that devastated though? Unless you mean devastated that you now have to rent a car or get a hotel room…?