Post # 1
ugh bess might need to vent here… So because of my profession(chef) being able to celebrate holidays is a rare thing anymore. My parents decided that if i could get thanksgiving off they would come down, so obviously i begged for two months in order to get the week of thanksgiving off. D.H. and his family also had plans to do a big thanksgiving like we did last year.
Well now im sitting here now a week out from the holiday and i find out yesterday through casual conversation with my Mother-In-Law that they have no plans for thanksgiving this year because D.H. and his mom have to work part of thanksgiving morning, not only that but then she started to say well none of the grandkids are coming up and D.H. other sister is doing her own thing and wont be stopping by either. To make it worse apparently she also has known this for awhile, which makes me think D.H. has known for awhile and failed to inform me. There plans now are to have a small regular dinner the day after.
Now i know its the pregnancy hormones that make me more agitated currently then normal, but to be quite honest im PISSED. I get things change last minute, but i had to go through h*ll to get this week off and to find out at the last minute that the inlaws never had plans to begin with and i was somehow left out of that conversation, just makes me mad. When i brought it up to D.H. the other night he casually brushed it off and said they would do some form of dinner the day after. But my parents are driving 9 hours to be here and i feel horrible that they are gonna get stuck sitting at our house on thanksgiving day doing nothing.
i almost want to bring up the idea that my parents and I should drive 2 hours south to pompano to spend it with extended family we have down there, but i know D.H. will have a complete HISSY FIT over the idea of possibly missing his family’s delayed thanksgiving dinner.
i havent informed my own parents yet, because honestly im dreading that phone call myself.
Post # 2
Why can’t you host your parents at your house?
Post # 3
Why were you expecting your inlaws to host your parents? I don’t really get the big deal, you can be disappointed but I think it is unfair to blame them. You weren’t attending until today either, why would they plan something if no one could make it? And if your Mother-In-Law was working in the morning how was she supposed to squeeze in prepping her house and cooking?
“But my parents are driving 9 hours to be here and i feel horrible that they are gonna get stuck sitting at our house on thanksgiving day doing nothing.”
You are off now, why are the only two options your Mother-In-Law hosting and cooking or your parents having to do nothing?
Post # 4
zzar45 : because a few weeks ago it was “were having thanksigivng and all the grandkids are coming up and its gonna be great.” and that was the last i heard of it till the other day.
i wouldnt be against cooking thanksgiving myself with the help of my mom, but to spend all day cooking for just me and my parents is pointless. Especially with everyone working, itll be the “we worked all day, were tired, we want to go home, we will do dinner tommorow” type excuse. I love my inlaws dont get me wrong but ive been around these people for 10 years now, they are pretty predictable when it comes to plans falling apart even in the slightest they tend to just nix everything all together.
ive known for two months now that i was getting thanksgiving off….
Post # 5
Kslim13 : But you could have discussed plans before now and then you would have known that other people weren’t attending and so it probably wasn’t happening? This all stems from you sitting back and letting other people do all the work, even though you wanted them to host your parents too.
It is pretty harsh to have your parents drive down and then say cooking is “pointless” becuase there is only 4 of you.
Post # 6
I say drive down to the extended family! Your husband can drive back early the next day to make the “regular dinner” and your parents can drop you afterwards.
It sounds like a big thing for you to get the weekend off and then not spend it with family.
Post # 7
zzar45 : like I said before 3 weeks ago everything was fine and still happening. In my mind if the plans fell apart sometime after that, I would have thought his parents and/or D.H. would have brought it up. We see D.H. parents easily on a weekly basis. Even during the convo a few days ago Mother-In-Law never said anything at first until after I asked what the plans were. My frustration stems from the fact that everyone knew but me.
Personally i think if I wouldve never asked about thanksgiving plans a day or two ago I still wouldnt know.
Post # 8
That would be soooo frustrating! A lot of mine and my husband’s family work in the restaurant and hospitality industry so I know how hard it can be to get time off at holidays. It sucks when you have to beg and plead at work only to find out it was a waste. Especially in an industry that prides itself on a ‘suck it up’ attitude and you can really only get away with it so many times. You could have used this ‘favour’ for another holiday when there was a proper celebration.
That said – i’d try to breathe through it and make some other equally awesome plans. It wasn’t done with any mal intent and your in laws likely don’t really get what it’s like in the hospitality industry (though i’d be pissed with your husband if he’s known this all along) Go visit your other extended family or do something extra special in town. Your husband will get over missing one year of thanksgiving with his family, compromise over holidays is key.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2018 - City, State
Kslim13 : I can see how disappointing it would be for plans to change that suddenly, especially this close to the holiday. But it’ll be fine. Every year, hubs and I do a little private just-us “Thanksgiving” on Black Friday. We hate leaving the house that day (major city, tons of traffic, bad weather) so it’s a great alternative. Quiet dinner in, tons of carby sides, then falling asleep watching a cheesy movie. Very intimate and very, very special. You could do the same for your parents! A lot of thanksgiving foods you can prep beforehand (potatoes, dressing, veggies) and just reheat the day-of. Turkey is a snap if you don’t overcook it. You get to spend extra time together, just the four of you, and it will be as nice or as unpleasant as your attitude makes it.
Post # 10
This would piss me off. I second the idea to go to your extended family!! That will be nice.
Post # 11
manylovesbee1 : OP I like this too. And if you don’t want to do a whole turkey do turkey breasts!!!! It’s the best part anyways!! The sides are the favorites. Mmmm. Then you have leftovers!!!!
Post # 12
I definitely think you should drive down to extended family and spend time with them! Especially if your parents live 9 hours away and wouldn’t usually get to see these relatives. I’m not sure why your husband didn’t think to inform you of the change, maybe he thought it wasn’t that big a deal or didn’t realize how much effort you put into getting the day off, but, in my mind, once plans or agreements change, everything is up for adjustment. I wouldn’t be willing to sit home and do nothing on Thanksgiving (or maybe have to make an entire meal for a very small group) just because plans changed for his family and no one thought to inform you. I’d call my family, make a dish to share, and get on the road.
Last thing- your husband’s potential “hissy fit” about going to see extended family means nothing under the circumstances, imo. They don’t get to dictate your calendar or assume you are available if they haven’t spoken to you to confirm. Under the circumstances (and considering the amount of effort you put into getting the time off) I think you should make an event of it. Maybe you will get back in time to spend some time with his family (even if you miss dinner) and you will be happily tired and pleasantly full rather than annoyed about the poor planning and lack of consideration.
Post # 13
Kslim13 : so sorry this didn’t work out as expected. But try to make the best of this. Maybe go see other relatives two hours away or try to do something festive at your house. See if the flakey in-laws can come. That brings your guest list up to 6!
Post # 14
Wait I’m confused. Did your husband and in-laws ever know that your parents were coming to their house for Thanksgiving?
Post # 15
If your Darling Husband and his mom have to work part of Thanksgiving morning, why don’t you host the event with your parents and ILs at your house? Then it’s a larger group and you can give the people who have to work less to deal with on the day.