Thanksgiving holiday letdown…

posted 9 months ago in Holidays
Post # 2
Member
473 posts
Helper bee

Why can’t you host your parents at your house?

Post # 3
Member
5184 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Why were you expecting your inlaws to host your parents? I don’t really get the big deal, you can be disappointed but I think it is unfair to blame them.  You weren’t attending until today either, why would they plan something if no one could make it?  And if your Mother-In-Law was working in the morning how was she supposed to squeeze in prepping her house and cooking? 

“But my parents are driving 9 hours to be here and i feel horrible that they are gonna get stuck sitting at our house on thanksgiving day doing nothing.”

You are off now, why are the only two options your Mother-In-Law hosting and cooking or your parents having to do nothing? 

Post # 5
Member
5184 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Kslim13 : But you could have discussed plans before now and then you would have known that other people weren’t attending and so it probably wasn’t happening? This all stems from you sitting back and letting other people do all the work, even though you wanted them to host your parents too. 

It is pretty harsh to have your parents drive down and then say cooking is “pointless” becuase there is only 4 of you. 

Post # 6
Member
6099 posts
Bee Keeper

I say drive down to the extended family! Your husband can drive back early the next day to make the “regular dinner” and your parents can drop you afterwards. 

It sounds like a big thing for you to get the weekend off and then not spend it with family. 

Post # 8
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee

That would be soooo frustrating! A lot of mine and my husband’s family work in the restaurant and hospitality industry so I know how hard it can be to get time off at holidays. It sucks when you have to beg and plead at work only to find out it was a waste. Especially in an industry that prides itself on a ‘suck it up’ attitude and you can really only get away with it so many times. You could have used this ‘favour’ for another holiday when there was a proper celebration.

That said – i’d try to breathe through it and make some other equally awesome plans. It wasn’t done with any mal intent and your in laws likely don’t really get what it’s like in the hospitality industry (though i’d be pissed with your husband if he’s known this all along) Go visit your other extended family or do something extra special in town. Your husband will get over missing one year of thanksgiving with his family, compromise over holidays is key. 

Post # 9
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

Kslim13 :  I can see how disappointing it would be for plans to change that suddenly, especially this close to the holiday. But it’ll be fine. Every year, hubs and I do a little private just-us “Thanksgiving” on Black Friday. We hate leaving the house that day (major city, tons of traffic, bad weather) so it’s a great alternative. Quiet dinner in, tons of carby sides, then falling asleep watching a cheesy movie. Very intimate and very, very special. You could do the same for your parents! A lot of thanksgiving foods you can prep beforehand (potatoes, dressing, veggies) and just reheat the day-of. Turkey is a snap if you don’t overcook it. You get to spend extra time together, just the four of you, and it will be as nice or as unpleasant as your attitude makes it.

Post # 10
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee

This would piss me off. I second the idea to go to your extended family!! That will be nice. 

Post # 11
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee

manylovesbee1 :  OP I like this too. And if you don’t want to do a whole turkey do turkey breasts!!!! It’s the best part anyways!! The sides are the favorites. Mmmm. Then you have leftovers!!!!

Post # 12
Member
6037 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I definitely think you should drive down to extended family and spend time with them! Especially if your parents live 9 hours away and wouldn’t usually get to see these relatives. I’m not sure why your husband didn’t think to inform you of the change, maybe he thought it wasn’t that big a deal or didn’t realize how much effort you put into getting the day off, but, in my mind, once plans or agreements change, everything is up for adjustment. I wouldn’t be willing to sit home and do nothing on Thanksgiving (or maybe have to make an entire meal for a very small group) just because plans changed for his family and no one thought to inform you. I’d call my family, make a dish to share, and get on the road.

Last thing- your husband’s potential “hissy fit” about going to see extended family means nothing under the circumstances, imo. They don’t get to dictate your calendar or assume you are available if they haven’t spoken to you to confirm. Under the circumstances (and considering the amount of effort you put into getting the time off) I think you should make an event of it. Maybe you will get back in time to spend some time with his family (even if you miss dinner) and you will be happily tired and pleasantly full rather than annoyed about the poor planning and lack of consideration.

Post # 13
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee

Kslim13 :  so sorry this didn’t work out as expected. But try to make the best of this. Maybe go see other relatives two hours away or try to do something festive at your house. See if the flakey in-laws can come. That brings your guest list up to 6! 

Post # 14
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wait I’m confused.  Did your husband and in-laws ever know that your parents were coming to their house for Thanksgiving? 

Post # 15
Member
2484 posts
Buzzing bee

If your Darling Husband and his mom have to work part of Thanksgiving morning, why don’t you host the event with your parents and ILs at your house?  Then it’s a larger group and you can give the people who have to work less to deal with on the day.

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