(Closed) That bridesmaid that tries WAY too hard to help (Minor vent)

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
6743 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@shadowblind:  Oh jeez… I think she’s just trying to look out for you, but I can understand it’s frustrating.  It sounds to me like she doesn’t care what dress you pick, but if you’re going to pick a dress that they’ll wear again, she’s telling you that she doesn’t like this dress and she won’t wear it again.  She seems almost passive aggressive to me – telling you that she’ll wear it only if you want her to, but if you want her to like it, then pick another dress lol.. If she didn’t like the dress, just say that! 

Post # 4
5221 posts
Bee Keeper

To a degree I think she has a point- gaining too many opinions about Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses can be a huge stressor.  I think she is just trying to alleviate some of those factors. I think it’s great that you’re going to such great lengths to make sure they’re comfortable, but I get the feeling she just wanted to remind you that ultimately it is your decision.

Also– a friend of mine had us buy our dresses online and I spent more in alterations than I did on the dress itself. So, not being a huge online clothes shopper myself, I am slightly hesitant to just click…order …. and go. 

Just hang in there! Plenty of brides WISH their BMs showed more interest ! She probably means well. 

Post # 5
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Well, you really do have a control-freak on your hands. I checked out the link for the dresses that you liked on etsy and I thought they were adorable and to be honest, they are the first dresses I have ever seen that you could really wear again. I like that you are asking for opinions on dresses. God knows I have been in tons of weddings and the bride picks this dress that she is so excited about cause she just knows that it is cute and perfect and it is really just hideous and u have just wasted 200+ dollars on something you hate. Good luck with her and I agree, if she keeps at it, pass her off to your Maid/Matron of Honor, maybe she can handle her better.

Post # 6
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

what dress at david’s bridal did you try on for 4500?  i’ve never seen a dress there for over 1500. 

Post # 7
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yikes.  She’s probably just trying to help, but it sounds like her advice isn’t worth the drama involved to get it.  You don’t have to run everything by her just because she’s a bridesmaid.  It makes sense to consult her on the dresses because she has to buy one, but on cake, decor, venue, etc. you can just easily keep her out of the loop until you’ve put down a deposit and it’s no longer negotiable.  Just ignore here and get the dress.  Your other bridesmaids will probably like it and wear it again.  And if not it’s pretty inexpensive for a bridesmaid dress.

Post # 8
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

It sounds like she is trying to tell you to make a decision and just pick the dress. I don’t think what you said sounds controlling, maybe just wanting a decsion to be made.

Post # 11
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@futuremrsk18:  agree, sounds like she was trying to ‘politely’ hint that she doesn’t like the dress, or would prefer a different dress, but is trying to not actually hurt your feelings and just going about it all wrong.

Post # 12
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I gotta say….. I’ve NEVER reworn a bridesmaid dress – even one that was purchased at a department store because I agree with your friend – I just associate it with being a bridesmaid and it feels weird to re-wear it.  And to be honest, I don’t think any of my girlfriends have ever re-worn one either – even if they say they COULD.  Also, I know it’s hard as the bride, but when these girls accepted the position of bridesmaid, they knew it would come with a cost…… and no matter what, you can’t make EVERYONE happy.  Pick a dress that you like, and maybe discuss pricing with your girls.  I wanted to keep mine under $200 and ended up finding one we all liked on sale for $130.  Another friend of mine is getting married in November and the dress she picked out was $150 – those seem like reasonable prices for people to pay for a nice/formal dress that won’t break the bank.  And I gotta say, I also agree that it is a lot easier to purchase in a store because then the girls (or at least one or 2 of them) can try it on.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picked a dress I like online only to discover that it looks horrible on my body or the material doesn’t look as nice as I thought it would. 

Honestly, reading your post, I really think your bridesmaid is trying to be helpful and look out for you.  She doesn’t want you to pick a mediocre dress because you think you’re doing the other girls a favor – sounds like she genuinely wants you to choose a dress you really like and not worry about if they’d wear it again (which they probably won’t).  I say, cut her some slack…. difficult as it may be…. or maybe if she’s just getting on your nerves, ask your maid of honor to say something to her for you.  Good luck!   

P.S. I clicked on the link you had, and the dresses are super cute – but a word of caution…. Spandex Milliskin isn’t the most flattering material (think shiny 80s leotard), and for example – the 2 dresses on the left and the 2 on the right don’t seem especially flattering for any bridesmaid who wears over an A cup bra – I just can’t wrap my head around how that would even stay in place…… I’d be careful if ordering something like this online. 

Post # 13
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

i didnt see her comments as being too overly controlling. i have  BM who keeps saying the same thing to me – that i shouldnt give so many options, i need to pick what i want – etc. i get what shes saying. i really dont want to stress my girls out with cost and styles they hate, but too many cooks et cetera so forth…

side note, those dresses are cute, but in all the styles you can make with it, it seems really low on the sides… are any of the girls in your party over a c cup? i would be pushing you away from those things because there is NO WAY my boobs would not fall out every 3 seconds…

Post # 16
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@shadowblind:  hmmm.  i worked at davids and there was never a dress over 1500 and those are the White by Vera Wang.  checked the website as well.  even with alterations it wouldnt come to 2500.  that’s odd.

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