(Closed) that one other couple

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know its tough, but just don’t stress yourself out by comparing, its not worth it.  I had a friend who was dating her bf a year less than me, and she got engaged the day after us.  They got married before us too..  I think the comparing, even if unintentional, really took a toll on our friendship.

Post # 4
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

I understand. I went through this when a friend of mine, who was also in an LDR but was dating her Darling Husband for less time, had gotten engaged and married. I was extremely happy for her but couldn’t help but wonder how they managed to end their LDR and get married while the mister and I were still negotiating on where to live/what to do. 

We know we shouldn’t compare our relationships to other people but we still do it. I’m not sure I would go as far as saying it’s “my turn” but I do understand. Try to stay positive and just focus on your relationship.

Post # 5
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

Just remember that you HAVE found happiness- with your SO. Getting engaged/getting married doesn’t equal day-in day-out glowing happiness.

Post # 6
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Speaking as someone who’s a part of “that other couple” (my Maid/Matron of Honor has been engaged for 2 years and won’t be getting married until after we do b/c her Fiance is in med school and needs to stay on his parents’ insurance), I know it’s hard but you have to remember that it definitely is not a competition and when the time comes they’ll be just as happy for you and ready to celebrate your day.

Post # 7
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

I totally understand how you feel (: but life isn’t a race and the time of engagment or proposal or whatever isn’t an automatic happiness inidcator. Just love your relationship for what it is. I know it’s hard not to compare, but everything will be a lot less frustrating if you just focus on your relationship with your SO (:

Post # 8
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

At this point, almost all of my close female friends are already married. I have a few younger friends who are not in serious relationships, so they likely will not be engaged or married for a few more years. At the beginning of the new year I actually skimmed through my facebook friends wondering who would be getting engaged this year! Not in a competitive way, but in a curious way — I was honestly trying to think of who was still left besides myself. But after mulling this over, I started hoping that the few who were left would not be getting engaged at the same time as me. Totally stupid and irrational thought, but hey, I will own it! 

But I agree, you cannot compare your relationship to others. One of my best friends dated a guy for three months before he popped the question. We all freaked out a little because we felt like that was way too soon. What’s the hurry? They got married a year later and that was five years ago now and they are still going strong and seem really happy. Would I have done the same in her shoes? Not a chance. But it just shows that you never know, and what is right for one couple might be completely wrong for another. 

It will happen for you when the time is right! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
29 posts
Newbee

Ugh. I totally get it! You can tell yourself all of the right things – It’s not a competition, your time will come, what others do doesn’t matter in your relationship etc. but it doesn’t really help Undecided 

My SO’s brother is dating my former friend and she was telling everyone that they were going to get engaged over the holidays (they didn’t, she’s kind of nuts) but I was FREAKING out. SO and I have been together over a year longer than them and I totally think we should be first. It’s a really sucky feeling.

Wish I had more helpful advice but hopefully it will help to know you’re not alone! And, if it’s any consolation it truly doesn’t matter, it just feels like it does sometimes.

Post # 10
Member
2003 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We have two couples that are our very best friends.  We had been dating the longest, but the couple that had been dating the shortest got engaged first.  I was SUPER happy for them but still kind of sad that it wasn’t my turn just yet.  However once we finally got engaged (2 months after them) I forgot all about that jealousy. it will happen, and then all this waiting will seem silly!  Every relationship is different, its no contest.  They got engaged first because it was financially possible for them, and more accepted in their social circle (besides us).

Post # 11
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@alwaysamaid: I think your feelings are valid, but try to think about how different each relationship is. It’s easy to compare obvious things (length of dating, time of engagment, etc, but every couple needs something different so it’s really impossible to compare. 

Post # 12
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yeah, totally understand what you’re saying.  I have 2 specific couples in mind – 1’s engaged, and 1’s married, and SO and I’ve been together longer than either.  What irks me is when he’s mentioned that our relationship’s better than theirs is.  I want to slap him, seriously, like if we’re so great, then what’s holding you back, dude?

 

In the end, while I’ve been jealous, I’m still happy to see things go well for my friends, and just hope my time will come.

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