(Closed) That stings.. Bridesmaid blunder

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

you never know someone’s financial position.  even if someone tells you they are drinking at the bar, you don’t know if she’s buying her own drinks, etc, and quite frankly, it isn’t anyone’s business how she spends her money but her own.  the cost of a bridesmaid dress is not the only expense in a wedding, and if she chooses a better quality of life right now (she IS living with her parents), over wedding expenses, that’s her decision and right.  she’s been forward and honest with you, and that’s all you can ask.

edit: sorry if this seems harsh, but sometimes we are so in the middle of a situation and caught up in the emotion that we can’t see it as clearly

Post # 4
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have to agree with the PP, you do not know her fininacials and should not assume things. Please let it go and move on in your planning of your wedding

Post # 5
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If she’s not a bridesmaid, she doesn’t get to have a say in the bridesmaids’ dresses.  It’s pretty simple.  Not sure what a ‘PA’ is.

Just say, “I’m sorry, but you said you couldn’t afford to be a bridesmaid so I don’t think it would be appropriate for you to come to the fitting.  I don’t mind helping you pick out what the PAs are going to wear though!”.

It’s none of your business how she spends her money; I wouldn’t bring up her bar-hopping.

Post # 6
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I wouldn’t bring it up… money is such a touchy subject and she might get mad that you’re telling her what she should be doing with her money.

Post # 7
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I do get where you are coming from, but the truth is, you can’t be upset that she is having a few drinks at a bar vs. saving up for your wedding Undecided. I do think the tell tell sign is the fact that she is living at home –  therefore, she is being upfront and truthful with you about her financial situation; which is actually quite admirable, and to me, shows that she values your friendship enough to confide and be honest with you.  

Post # 8
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yea, you can’t expect somebody to put their finances in order around your wedding.

I’m injured and unable to work so my income has taken a hit. I spend my days at home and it’s harder for me to get around. I have our wedding to save up for, as well as, my MOH’s destination wedding in July. This hits our income HARD. BUT, I still go out and have a social life because its one of the few things that de-stress me these days…

Post # 9
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If shes not a Bridesmaid or Best Man, then no, she shouldnt be allowed to come. Invite her to the bachlorette party, or the shower perhaps?

Post # 11
Member
46419 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just let it go. Frankly it sounds as if she might be a bit immature in her judgement and it will be one less thing for you to deal with.

Post # 12
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can absolutely tell her that its not really OK for to be at the fitting as she has opted out of being a bridesmaid…   BUT … if you bring up her money spending and your thoughts on it, you will more than likely deal your friendship a fatal blow.

Post # 13
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

She might not want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for other reasons, and is using money as a way to tell you? That hurts, but either way she doesn’t get a say in the dresses.

Post # 14
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be annoyed if she was going out and drinking though, then complaining about money. A night out can cost you a fair bit of money.

Post # 15
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m going through sort of the same thing with my best friend from high school. We had always talked about being in each others wedding. Now that mine is coming up she cant be there for this and that. I say just let it go. Idid. It has hurt our friendship it will never be the same. But you always find out who your true friends are. 

Post # 16
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@TabbyCat:  I’m going to disagree with most of the PP and say that you have every right to be annoyed for a few reasons:

1. She wants to have a say in the wedding, and seem to think she has a right to that, not even being part of the wedding party anymore.

2. Even if someone else is buying her drinks, or someone else is paying for her cab, it seems like going to the bar several times a week will end up costing her something. If she really wanted to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, which is seems like she does since she wants imput, then she needs to think about what she is doing.

That being said, I think she is just immature and possibly has no idea how finances work. I think that if you choose to confront her about the entire situation, it is not going to help. The money is spent and, as I said, if she wanted to make it work, she would find a way.

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