Post # 1
I got my first taste of fi’s family’s ideas for the wedding this weekend and all we did was mention that we wanted the wedding at the farm… It was like an EXPLOSION! They were all throwing out ideas and thoughts on what we should do and practically planning it all out in their heads.
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the excitement (it is fi’s second wedding) and enthusiasm, but WOW. It was a little overwhelming. That’s the first time I’ve experienced that and I didn’t really know how to handle it. I just let them go on and on and talk about their ideas (since they were just ideas)… but I’m sure at some point I’m going to have to put my foot down and say “that’s not how we envisioned it so we’re going in a different direction”… But I am not looking forward to that day!
Was anyone else overwhelmed with their family’s (or fi’s family’s) ideas and excitement over the wedding?? How did you deal with it, and let them down on some of their not so perfect ideas?
Post # 3
When I read al the posts from brides whose families aren’t excited at all by the details of the wedding,it’s a pleasure to read your post.
They might even come up with something new to you that you like.
Just appreciate their interest, and carry on and do what you want.
Post # 4
We complain when they don’t care enough, we complain when they care too much.
Smile, you are obviously surrounded by a loving and supportive family. Hear out the suggestions but stay true to your vision. No one will be upset everyone just likes to add their own imput to things!
Post # 5
So far we’ve only dealt with the guest list. My parents had no requests regarding the guest list besisdes that I invite my Grandma who lives in Italy, even though she probably cannot attend (Which I totally planned to do anyway), but my FI’s family had so many people they wanted to bring that our guest list went from 50 people to 100 really fast lol.
I agree with PPs, be happy that they’re so excited! However, as a people pleaser myself, I can understand how you’re not looking forward to having to tell them “no” one day.
Post # 6
Yea, I got engaged at my parents’ house. So when my mom came home and found out, she immediately began planning. My SIL came that night, and she immediately began planning as well. The madness has not stopped ever since that moment. Ugh. But honestly, I’m not scared to let them down though. I guess I would be if it were my fiance’s family… but they are on the opposite end of the spectrum. They don’t care and haven’t mentioned anything ever since we got engaged. Oh well 🙂
Post # 7
Do you like any of their ideas? It would be nice to go with some of them b/c then they might help you more since it was their idea. It sounds like they are really interested and will be happy with whatever you choose. I’m sure they are jut trying to help the only way they know how, by giving you ideas. They would probably really like it is you used them to bounce ideas off of. Or you could have them help you make decisions based on things you picked out like your top two ___.
Just remember that you have a good problem to deal with! My mom made a rule that I wasn’t allowed to talk about the wedding at all. She didn’t want anything to do with planning the wedding. My dad thought I should elope and reminded me that weddings are overrated and not worth all of the money and fuss. My DH’s brother got married a few month after we got engaged. There was tons of excitement about their wedding, but they got pregnant with the first grandchild right away and babies always trump weddings so there was no excitement for my wedding. SIL even planned the baby’s baptism 6 days before my wedding.
Post # 8
I have to agree with some of the other posters that this might be annoying but this is a better problem that having family who wants nothing to do with your wedding. My FI’s family isn’t into any sort of wedding reception and although we’ve been trying to really make it easy on them, they really don’t want to be any part of the attention and it hurts him.
Post # 9
Thanks for everyone’s input. I’m definitely glad they are excited and not trying to complain about it… Moreso get some ideas on easy ways to let them down without raining on their parade. I already have an idea of what I want and they were not going in that direction… I’m such a people pleaser I don’t want to get walked over with their ideas (they are a very bold and enthusiastic group) but I really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings!
Thanks again everyone.
Post # 10
Yea–FI’s mom is the same way. She basically wants our wedding to be just like hers 30 years ago. It was a lovely wedding (judging from the pics at least, seeing as how I wasn’t alive at the time), but our tastes definitely diverge from hers. My tactic has been saying, “Oh, that’s something to think about,” and then, if it’s not something we want to do, just doing our own thing. Works OK.
Post # 11
@o0olibelulao0o: Ugh this was the worst part of the planning!! DHs family would give “ideas” nonstop and never back down! It was so annoying!!
Post # 12
Our families are like this too! Some of their ideas are great and others, well, not so much. I’ve learned to have it in my head what I want (which adds some pressure, but it’s better this way) so that I can say, “that’s a great idea to have plastic cherub decorations all over the lawn. We are actually planning to have hanging lanterns, iron cast chairs, and I’ve seen a few outdoor rugs I like… what size rug do you think for that area under the tree?” etc.
It’s a little deceptive, but I’ve also learned to never ask an opinion unless you truly want the advice!
Good Luck!! It will be a lot of fun to plan and they might even give you a great idea 🙂
Post # 13
Smile and nod and say “Ooh that’s a nice idea. I’ll talk it over with Fiance and see if he likes it” and then never speak of it again 😉 My mom was full of “great” ideas because she thought I was doing too much, taking on too much, whatever her issue of the day was that was “too much” so she kept suggesting things I had zero desire to do. Soon enough I decided smiling and nodding worked well. She just wanted to be heard and that’s totally fine, it just takes 10 minutes of your time 🙂 It’ll be fine!