- 4 years ago
I have posted a couple of times here but mainly read a lot of the posts and totally sympathise with all the feelings brought by the waiting phase.
I am just returning from a fantastic holiday in a dream destination and have totally lost all hope of ever being engaged, I have to put in my mind that it will just not happen, no matter how much it hurts and destroys me, my partner is simply not planning it despite our talk and pre-celebratory drink a month and a half ago. That’s what hurts the most, him telling me he wants us to get engaged then and since I’ve been waiting waiting waiting but with the feeling he was not doing anything about it, no ring size or style questions, walking miles away every time we would walk past a jewellery shop, just not talking about it at all after that special day!
Towards the end of our holiday, I raised the subject, trying to ask for a timeline. He said he didn’t want to talk about it, he got cross, I explained I simply wanted to have an idea, that this is a happy thing to discuss, no need to get cross, he said it will happen but doesn’t know when, for now, all the children are happy (we are a blended family, am a mum/stepmum/acting wife in every respect), asked me to drop it ,I explained it actually is a good timing as things are good at home, but he shut down and hardly talked for the rest of the evening!
I love him. I love him very much but as time goes by, I feel deeply hurt that am still not engaged, am the girlfriend… During our holiday, which was perfect, I got called by his surname at the hotel, mrs… , signed and was called his wife…he didn’t mind at all, but to me , they were all reminders of the hurt am going through.
I can’t get rid of that idea that I want to be engaged to him, now more than ever,I am obsessed by it. However, I look ahead and just think / feel it will not happen, I feel rubbish about it. I thought we were there after our June big step (and celebration! pffff!).
I have to give up on the idea. I have to keep thinking many couples never get married and unfortunately it seems am going to end up in that situation. This is driving me insane.
Any bees out there who have also given up? Does it mean feeling even more miserable? I am gradually becoming more and more resentful to my partner, thinking the future doesn’t mean the same to him. I get grumpy with him, I am just so upset. All I see when am out and about are other women’s engagement rings and feel that am not that special to my other half. Why????
So here we are, am giving up and feel very resentful… Not ideal!