(Closed) That’s it I’m done..

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way…

For what it’s worth, Fiance and I were together for over 4 years before he proposed. We too had talked about kids, and marriage. But we never had a time-line.

Honestly, I never felt like I was “waiting”. We were together, meant to be forever, we both knew that our relationship was the most important thing, and that was all that mattered.

The ring is just a bonus!

Hang in there!

Post # 4
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

you got this. it’s coming!

Post # 5
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Im going to say this over and over and over. Why does the guy have to propose? Isnt this a mutual decision? Dont you both know when the time is right?  It just seems to me that marriages should be based on both knowing its the right thing to do.

What is wrong with saying to your SO.  “I want to to start planning our life together, and the next step is a wedding, what kind do you want”.

I dont know if its the feminist in me, or the salesperson, but it seems like waiting for Prince Charming to close the sale just doesnt work. 

Just my .02 from far along life’s trail

 

 

Post # 7
Member
4355 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Honestly I think every waiting bee has their “peak” and then they have a breaking point where they decide they are just going to go with the flow, forget about wedding and everything related and just chill out. Fiance and I never fought about wedding stuff or anything before we were engaged but I knew myself that I was creating unnecessary stress in my life and in his so I said forget it, I know my man wants to get married one day and until then I’ve got the best boyfriend I could ask for. A month or so after I made the conscious decision to literally let go of my wedding ideas until I was engaged, he proposed.

Hang in there and give him some slack, your proposal will come.

Post # 8
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

First of all, enjoy your weekend with your SO. I completely understand waiting is challenging, but think of how happy you are to have found someone who you love just as much as he loves you, if not more. I have heard from a few girls pressuring their men to propose and later regretting that decision. It just sucked the surprise factor out of the proposal. Yes, there are men who are in need of a little nudge, but I don’t think that’s the case with you. You said you two talk about future plans and have talked about tentative wedding date this year.

I can’t give you a concrete advice, but only that if you want your SO to propose, let him do it on his own time. He’ll be proud of himself and you’ll know that he’s taking full ownership and taking the commitment seriously. In the end, many years together, you’ll be glad that you let go. Constantly talking about it to him will not only cause anxiety in you, but also take away the joy in planning for him. I have found that men don’t like told what to do. 

Just enjoy your weekend and when you get an urge to say something to him and can’t contain it, call one of your friends or come to WB to vent. I think it’s safe to assume that we can relate more than a man can.  

Post # 10
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

I agree! It’s hard. I’ve been there and I’m there now. My SO is unforturnately out of work. I’ve been nagging for about 6 months but I need to let it go. Yet after being together so long it’s hard. We’ve been together 3 1/2 years. I’m like what the freak is the deal! After reading somethings from Mr. Hedge I realize that men don’t take pressure to well as I can see with my current situation. So TRY your hardest to be quiet. I think I will until our 4 year anniversary which is a little over 4 months away. I know he’s just not starting to work but he needs to grind and show me that he’s committed (i.e. working OT, 2 jobs, etc.) because we’ve been talking about this since last summer. Went ring shopping twice and everything. And then come the new year I realized he hadn’t saved a dime. So I told him how I felt and I think he understands. We’ll see….

Good Luck and hang in there!!!! Silence is a virtue!!!

Post # 13
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Keeping my mouth shut has been the hardest part of this entire process. It’s not really in my nature to not be agressive and drive things forward myself.

I’m pretty good at not bringing it up very often, but about once a week I’ll make a snide or sarcastic comment and I really hate that I do it. For example last night we were out and I saw what I assumed was a family–mom, dad, and two kids–until I heard the mom say that “Rob” would do something. I told my Boyfriend or Best Friend something about how it must be hard to date with older kids because introducing them to new men must be a bog deal, etc. And he said something like: “Maybe she’s just their aunt and that’s her boyfriend. It could be like if I took my nephew out and you were with me.” I reponded with: “If your nephew is that old and I’m still your girlfriend I’m going to be really upset.”

Sigh.

He did tell me that I wouldn’t have to wait that long, and I know that now so why can’t I stop with the comments? (For the record, his nephew is 2 and those kids looked like they were 8-10.)

And to reiterate what I’ve said over and over: I don’t have a problem proposing to my Boyfriend or Best Friend. He does. In the past I’ve tried to gauge how receptive he would be to me doing the proposing and each time he was adamant that he would not want that to happen. I kind of knew that going in–he’s pretty traditional–but I had to give it a shot. 

Post # 14
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

 

Pleaes don’t hate me for saying this…. Embarassed I think he had something planned this weekend but it sort of got ruined now. So he will cancel those plans NOW. And try to figure out how to re-plan. But you are closer than you think. (If he were my Fiance, I am sure he would do something like that.)

Post # 15
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hang in there and try hard not to mention anything engagement/wedding related for a while. I know it’s tough, but it looks like it’s coming soon and he wants to make it a special surprise. If you need to talk about it – come to WB! Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

@BritBee:

 

Just try not to be too hard on yourself. This waiting thing is not the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it certainly isn’t easy. A slip up here and there isn’t anything to beat yourself up about.

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