- 7 years ago
So. We haven’t had a serious, sit-down, where are we going with all this conversation since…February? Either late Feb or early March. And at that time it was our 2nd conversation. The 1st was last winter when I told him I’d ask how he felt about everything next spring, which I did. Point is: I don’t talk about getting married. I don’t talk about getting engaged. I just don’t bring it up. When people ask, I answer. If he asks, I answer. But I’ve not initiated any real conversations. Even my conversation back in June when I found a ring I loved was brief and barely qualified as a conversation.
Our last big discussion concerned timelines. Not, you must marry me or else timelines. Just our expectations of our relationship timelines. I told him I don’t feel comfortable dating someone for more than 3 years if they feel whishy-washy, they don’t know if I’m the one, we aren’t already engaged or there aren’t serious plans to make it happen very soon. If you don’t know if I’m the one, they be kind to me, let me go, you go find someone you know is the one and I’ll do the same. However. He said that he didn’t see us moving forward for another 6 months to 2 years. Which would put us at 4 years at latest. So, obviously, we have some potential expectation differences that, yes, could be easily negotiated.
Our 2 year anniversary was this summer and the 6 month point of his personal timeline just started ticking. I know a lot of you will say, slow down, don’t worry, it’ll come, he technically has one more year before it’s an issue for you. Yes, I know. But the months have been FLYING. Literally. Last spring I blinked and now it’s fall. The 3rd point of my feared nightmare trifecta is the fact that he is a procrastinator. HUGE procrastinator. I’m not that person who tolerates oops, I forgot gifts. I’m just not. I’d rather get a card on time than for someone close to totally forget and give me something awesome late.
So, I’m terrified I’ll blink again and it will be our 3 year anniversary, nothing is in the works, cause, hey, he forgot. Yes, I plan on talking to him about this. Which is why I need your help.
1. I’ve taken a sufficiently long engagement talk hiatus right? It will be ok to sit him down again?
2. Will simply asking to readdress our timelines be fine?
3. Do you have any tips on keeping it low pressure?
I feel like I”m at a point where if I don’t talk about it and it blows up it would be my fault for not communicating. But if I talk about it now and, unbeknownst to me, it was actually game time for him and now he feels pressure that he could postpone even more. I’m just nervous about putting my foot in my mouth and would love your insight….Please? 🙂