Post # 1
What are some experiences you have with exes, where looking back there is a specific moment when you knew it was over for good?
I’ll go first:
Ex from a few years ago: it’s a toss up between when he furiously asked why I never wore tight dresses for him and only when I was out bar hopping with my girlfriends, and shamed me for the sex I had before him
Ex before him: said my body didn’t suit his needs sexually
Ex before him: he couldn’t take me out for my birthday because he spent all his money on drugs
Ex before that: asked me not to embarrass him before his birthday dinner with his family
Post # 2
I was pretty young–18–and I was in a relationship for a year. He broke up with me but we kept going back and forth the way exes sometimes do but one day it dawned on me that this man would never love me the way I love him. He was very lukewarm and back and forth with me. And I guess one say I woke up like… what am I doing? I deserve better.
And that was the real end of it.
So glad because 2 years later I met the love of my life who is now my husband and the father of my baby boy.
Post # 3
When my ex husband and I were driving home from a concert, I wanted to stop at a Wendy’s drive thru for a Caesar salad. He didn’t want to because “I should have known I would be hungry”. He expected that I should have brought a snack since we were on a healthy diet. I eventually convinced him to stop since we were still over an hour from home. He did. And then sat in the rain on a curb outside the car fuming and pouting.
When I was done eating, I asked if he was ready to go, and he pouted some more and told me he didn’t feel like driving me home. I asked him what he’d like me to do. He told me he didn’t give a fuck. So, I picked up my purse and marched across the street to a cheap motel and was halfway through getting a room before he came in the door, soaking wet and mortified, ordering me back in the car. I drove us the rest of the way home and filed for divorce three weeks later.
This was the straw that broke the camel’s back of a series of small controlling behaviors that eventually boiled over. I’d been in therapy for months at that point trying to learn to set boundaries. That only caused him to escalate. He refused individual therapy, so I left.
Post # 4
When he invited me to Europe with him and my first reaction was, “Oh, god, but he’ll ruin it for me….” Yikes. It takes a whole lot of suck to ruin France, Spain and Italy.
Ever since then “is this someone I want to travel to the most beautiful places on earth with?” has been my secret litmus test. Fortunately, I met my current partner on a trip abroad, so no worries there.
Post # 5
I’d been in an on again of again relationship for 5 years. I think I was mostly just afraid of being without him. He was always talking about this woman at work. He’s tell me that she was a lot older and married with 3 kids. He stayed late at work supposedly decorating for Christmas or something and then I saw him and the woman sitting in her car forever before he came in. I knew something was up. I confronted him, he admitted if, and I broke up with him. I finally had reached my breaking point.
Post # 6
what a loser. I had one of those in my mid-20s. He had a *friend* at work, older and “ugly”. He would then text her morning, afternoon and night. I couldn’t deal with that and I’m 200% sure something was up. Left him and was so much happier for it.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - Brighton victorua
So so many flags. But final thats it. Our 2 years together I booked a restaurant, bought movie tickets. He chose both things to do, but i paid because that was our relationship
Finished work and called him to see if he was coming to mine or i was picking him up. He informed me he had decided to go down the peninsula with his mates for the weekend and i wasnt allowed to come because he needed boy time (but all their partners were there) I said what about dinner and the movie. He said to bad he changed his mind. I said okay so can i at least come down tonight. He said no so i said that’s fine when you get back you can bring me the stuff I left at yours because im done.
We kept on back and forth after but final straw i went out to a friends birthday he rung me to tell me he had friends at the club i was at and saw me kiss someone else (i hadn’t) and thet he was going to harm himself then hung up on me. So i rang a mutual friend who rang and checked on him he then rsng me back abusing me and gaslighting me telling me i told him to harm himself. That was it. I’ve lost so many people to suicide i would never ever ever say something like that. That was my final f%&* no. And refused to see or talk to him.
He did so much to me mentally during our relationship i had security guards and taxi drivers berate him and try talk me into breaking up with him. But the fingers in my thumbs arent strong enough for those stories.
Post # 8
Ex that i was with 9 years. That relationship was actually good relationship but he had brought his mother from a different country and she lived with us in the house we chose together. Thats when everything went downhill. She was jealous of the time he spent with me, she started horrible rumors about me. She tried so hard to break up up. And he would weakyl stand up for me, she would change her ways for about a week, and she was back to her ways. Many times, he wouldn’t stand up for me or just weakly tell her to stop. Knowing that she would never get her own place to live, I told him that I couldn’t do this anymore. So that was that.
The ex after him, was the one I call the DEVIL EX. He was such a horrible person. I should have left him long time before but I was STUPID. He was manipulative and a complusive LIAR. He said and did the most horrible things to me and was ALWAYS getting blindly drunk. Even when he got caught drinking drunk for the SECOND time with his kids in the car, I was so stupid, and stayed with him while he was in prison. Came and visited him in prison and everything. The straw that broke the camel back was when he kept asking me what time I was coming to see him and that he needed to know just in case someone else wanted to see him. I would come to visit him with his family so I knew he was implying that another girl was gonna come see him. And I was like that is it!! I was so so so so so very stupid to be with him in the first place. I dont know what I was doing with him and I beat myself up for even involving myself with him but we live and we learn.
Post # 9
I had a boyfriend during my last year of school. When I left for university we were sad but said we’d make it work. I think he’d always been more into it than I had unfortunately. One day, a week later, he surprised me with a visit and when I saw him walking up the path my heart dropped instead of soaring. I knew in that moment that I had to end it for the both of us.
Best decision because I found my fiancé 7 months later!
Post # 10
I realized I started asking my ex if I could go places and if it was ok if I took a cake order (was baking cakes as a side gig) and he wouldn’t share his schedule with me anymore (he was a pilot so totally different schedule from month to month). I would have to ask over and over for his work schedule. He helped me start the side business and he was supposed to do the financial side of things, we opened an account and he got so pissed that I bought an $8 sifters bc the one I had hurt my hand. The argument about that softer actually left me in tears. Oh….most importantly, he slid my dog across the floor during a fight when he was in my face and she was scared and trying to get near me. I didn’t stay long after that but she was always afraid of him….huge red flags. My husband now treats my dog like a literal baby, holds her, speaks sweetly to her etc.
Post # 11
When he slept with someone else. We stayed together but it was never the same. The straw the broke the camels back so to speak was actually almost a year later. He was acting weird and I called him in it and he denied it. I’ve got bad anxiety issues – I spend so much time and energy trying to sort out what’s “real” and what’s just my mind going nuts because of shitty brain chemistry and he knows that. The fact that he would purposefully suggest I was imagining things when he knew how hard I work to stay grounded infuriated me.
Post # 12
I knew my ex-fi and I would break up when his mother told him a load of lies about the evil ways I’d been treating her, and instead of standing up for me he believed her and postponed the wedding indefinitely until I could win her approval. I knew she would just keep escalating her threats (she did), and that he’d prioritise her (he did), but we didn’t break up that day because I loved him and hoped I was wrong.
A month later we had a meeting with her to try and work things out. His Dad wasn’t there (he liked me) because she hadn’t told him the meeting was happening! It was horrendous and I remember looking at my ring thinking it was over. Still didn’t end it though.
Final straw was a weekend we’d agreed to spend together. It was actually going well until she emailed him, said she couldn’t believe he was still seeing me and ordered him to come to her house immediately (she lived a three hour drive away). He decided to go and I knew that was the end. To this day I don’t know what she did there, but I didn’t hear from him for three days. When I finally did, he said he couldn’t see me (but didn’t want to break up) so I actually said the words that it was over. He was in a bad way and ended up having a nervous breakdown and not working for a year. It was so sad. The worst time of my life. I will never forgive his mother.
Post # 13
I knew it was over when he kissed my colleague… in front of me…at my own work leaving party. Yea…
Post # 14
getting divorced today (fingers crossed, y’know)? Honestly, the real ah-ha moment was the marriage counselor asking to see me privately next time and telling us to get a different marriage counselor if we chose to continue. I knew then what she was going to tell me. I was right the next week when she said to me “you realize your marriage is over, right? That he’s emotionally abusive and you’re already checked out. I’m here to help you when you’re ready to realize that”…
We never went to another marriage counselor.
Post # 15
Opening my local paper and reading my boyfriend’s name in the ‘engagement announcement’ section…but the name of the person he was engaged to wasn’t mine!