"That's when I knew it was over" stories

posted 2 months ago in Beehive
Post # 61
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

 

Long story short, I had been seeing this guy for 4 months or so.  I had booked a trip of a lifetime with my mum (2 weeks in Barcelona) for my 30th birthday.  It was booked before we’d met and as the trip approached, he started to seem really irritated by it.  At first I just dismissed it, but while I was away, I went to quite the length to keep in touch with him and he seemed annoyed to hear about what we’d been up to and just wanted to talk about himself.  While on this trip, I got news that a friend of mine had passed away.  He wasn’t very comforting about that either.

Needless to say, my desire to keep in touch with him the rest of the trip dwindled and when I got back, he acted exactly the same way.  That’s when a lightbulb went off and I was just like… why am I making excuses for this self-absorbed prick who only wants to talk about himself and doesn’t even care to ask me about my trip?  I broke up with him on the spot.  He was completely stunned as I proceeded to collect the few belongings I had at his house.  I never wanted to speak to him again and never did.

I’m so grateful I went on that trip because I spent 2 weeks having the time of my life and quite frankly, I didn’t miss him at all!!  It was so eye-opening and made me realize how much I’d been settling and how unhappy I’d been with him.  Losing that friend (although it wasn’t completely shocking, she had gone down a dark path) also made me realize that we take time for granted.  From that point forward, I embodied the saying “I’d rather be alone than unhappy” and was not going to be with a guy I had to make excuses for.  Whenever I hear the song, “Ariana Grande – Thank you, next” I think about him because a year after we split, I had more confidence in myself and met my wonderful husband.  At least he was good for something! 

Post # 62
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@wishlantern:  wow, just wow! Definitely cathartic!

 

 Here’s a few more stories of the boy who pretended to have testicular cancer as a final grab to keep me from leaving him.

1. It was constant gaslighting, one day the milk container had to be thoroughly washed out to prevent all smells and mold, the next he didn’t know why I would waste my time doing something like that, “just toss it in the trash, Buddy.” Really unhealthy for my 15-21yr old brain.

2. He was engaging in beastiality. 

3. After we broke up, he would not move out for almost 3 months. He followed me everywhere and made threats against me and my family. 

Needless to say I reported this piece of human garbage, but it was in the era of “men can do no wrong.” It took a long time for me to trust humans again.

 

Post # 63
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

My ex and I had been dating for four years, owned a house together and a dog and his so called bff came into town one weekend and everything blew up.  She pranced around own home with her boobs out (not kidding) and after that it was just not the same between he and I because she had no respect for me and he had no desire to put her in her place.  A few months later I was so close to signing a lease on an apartment but everyone kept begging me to give him one more chance.  I had just got back from looking at apartments but couldn’t pull the trigger and sign the lease.  I came home and he was sitting on the porch and I asked him he we could talk and he said he was busy eating a hot dog.  I got my car keys drove back to the apartment and signed me lease same time and never looked back.  Four years later I am married to a wonderful man, and he is still playing the same childish games.  He found out where I lived and started doing drive byes to say hello until I told him I was very happy and he needed to move on.

Post # 64
Member
289 posts
Helper bee

When I realized it was ridiculous for him to:

1) have not been paying utilities AT ALL for MONTHS and not say a word, despite me asking occasionally to make sure he was up to date on everything (and I’d helped him with rent and groceries and stuff a few times, despite me being a full time college student and him not, and it was HIS apartment) I invested at least $500 in him just for rent and the cats – that was a fortune to me at the time.

2) let me commute back and forth across town several times a week to care for his cats and kittens after the power was cut off and he went to his dad’s to get some work from him because he wasn’t getting any here (probably hard to get work when you spend most of your day toodling around and playing Minecraft).

3) not get his cat fixed after I offered to help find places, drive him, wait with him, etc.

4) pressure me to do things I didn’t feel ready for (he was my first real relationship) or comfortable with. 

I just sort of woke up one day and realized I was D O N E. 

For the second ex, it was when he decided I had basically sexually assaulted him and slept on the floor and wouldn’t communicate a damn thing. He insisted I guess, said snide comments like “you really don’t know??”, etc. In reality, I came onto him with some flirting as his serious girlfriend after we’d had a lovely night out and both had enjoyed a couple drinks. Nothing even happened. We kissed a few times. No one got naked. I never groped him in any way. After 3.5 years of him flirting with other girls, using cam girls, taking me on a roller coaster ride of emotions, deciding TWICE that we were on a break without even telling me, saying he wanted to marry me and then all of a sudden I was ‘suffocating’ him. After all of that, after my friends and parents getting icky vibes from him, I was apparently the bad guy. Heck, half his grievances I found out from his MOM, some of them like a year or two after the fact (still during the relationship; I haven’t spoken with her since before the breakup). It blew my mind when I looked back the first weeks post-breakup and realized all that. I put my all into that relationship, being supportive, not pressuring him, etc. TRYING to help him, heal him, be gentle.. I want to say it was all wasted, but both relationships taught me a LOT. 

I stuck to my values after that and met a wonderful man. We are under contract for a house and starting to plan a wedding together. After the same amount of time with the first guy we were long broken up, with the second we were probably on the second break (that I had to BEG him to even just tell me we were even on), and yet now.. I’m ridiculously happy. No issues. We face everything as a team. It’s AMAZING and I can’t wait to marry him.

Post # 66
Member
10110 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@browneyedgirl24:  

l know l know, l just …pretended l hadn’t even seen it. If there is one thing l don’t need to know the details of , it would be bestiality.  Talk about hill to die on/ dealbreaker! 

Post # 67
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2021 - Australia

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@teaandcake:  good grief! But how lovely that you’d almost forgotten about it. It’s so nice to think we’ve moved so far beyond these people emotionally, that what they did can’t hurt us any more, although of course, we can still be incensed when we DO remember – what an absolute tossbag!

Post # 68
Member
2789 posts
Sugar bee

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@elderberry: True, I don’t need the details! But wow, yes, what a dealbreaker… 

Post # 69
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@browneyedgirl24:  I’ve never talked much about it, I felt really ashamed even knowing. I’m a bleeding heart for animals. It was one of the darkest times of my life realizing the police weren’t going to take action.

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