(Closed) The “letting herself go” phenomenon

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

@Rouquine:  +1!

If my Fiance doesn’t have to do his hair and makeup to lounge around at home why should I? He knows who I am, I don’t have to impress him. I do my makeup almost every day, even to just go to the grocery store, but if we’re lounging around on a lazy Saturday I am not going to get dolled up to impress a dude watching Top Gear in his boxers. On a date night? I go all out, just for Fiance. 🙂

Post # 17
Member
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@Aure:  Agreed!  I’m not going to be all dressed up when my husband is in an undershirt and flannel pants the second he gets home.  Plus, he does HW when he gets home so I would be sitting on the couch by myself all dolled up, yeah not worth it.

I did gain some weight after getting married but I am working out again so I’m in better shape for my health and wellbeing, not just to look “hot”.

Post # 18
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Ah the old joke –

Q:What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: Forty pounds.

 

I have lost weight while FH has gained a bunch.

Post # 19
Member
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My mom calls it getting happy and fat. I’m bigger when I’m happier and at my thinnest when things aren’t going so great. Fiance gained weight after our first year together and hasn’t lost much of it. I’m a lot more active and younger so I’ve kept my weight down for the most part. I have noticed though that my wardrobe and makeup habits have worsened. I’m aware of it now and working on it but for the longest time we just stayed home and stayed in our pj’s on the weekends so I had no need to stay trendy and buy new clothes or do my hair.

Post # 21
Member
5158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I have to say…I have never let myself go. Not in any of my previous relationships, live in relationship, or in my marriage. However, that is because fitness and certain athletic activities have always been important to me, as has been eating well. It is a lifestyle for me and not dependent on my relationship status. I still get my butt up stupid early in the morning to go to the gym or go running every morning. My husband also still works out regularly, and we both enjoy active dates together (snowshoeing, biking, hiking, kayaking, etc). We both eat pretty healthy. My body has changed a bit as I get older (not gained weight so much as it shifting around a bit!) though I remain as much or more active, as has his, but I still work to maintain as healthy of a me as I can be and consider myself in pretty good shape.

I have never worn much makeup or anything of that sort, and my husband saw me often without it while we were dating and so on, nor does he like a lot of makeup anyway, but if we are going out on a date, I still will fancy it up and put on my makeup. I DO doll up just for him (well as dolled up as I get) as he does for me when we are spending time together as I do find it important and fun to do.

I have never been into “doing my hair”. I leave it long or in a ponytail. No change there either! it is shocking if I go for a haircut more than once a year.

I do wear comfier clothes around the house, but I my husband saw me like that when I was dating, so no surprise. I have never been a skirt and dress kind of girl. It is possible to still look nice in comfier clothes, too. Comfy clothes do not need to be oversized stained sweatpants! We both enjoy our comfy clothes at home.

We see each other in all sorts of conditions, circumstances, etc and always have. Honestly, I have always been true to myself before and after marriage. My husband saw and knew who I was before marriage, and there were no surprises.

Post # 22
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

I will say that part of me stopped trying so hard when I saw Fiance wasn’t. If he doesn’t have to put on airs regularly, why should I? Now, I still doll up a couple times a week but I’m no where near that “he needs to only see me when I look good” mindset anymore. I think it’s a little bit of a double standard. We put in all this effort to look good and put so much pressure on ourselves that jokes regarding committment and our appearance are made at our expense – but what about the guys? I’ve never met one guy concerned with working on his love handles, not letting you see him greasy, or his trashed house. But they get a free pass. Just feels a little unfair.

Now, it’s nice knowing my guy loves me sick, greasy, and unkempt. But it sucks that there isn’t that same pressure for guys to look good, work off that beer gut, and shower before we come home.

Post # 23
Member
5158 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

@claireos:  I don’t know…I know many guys who are concerned about love handles, beer guts, staying in shape, and having a clean body and home. My husband being one of them, but he is not the only one I know. 

We have never had that “we can only see one another at our best” mindset, but nor have we given up on ourselves or on looking good for each other more regularly.

 

 

Post # 24
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Actually, my husband helps me to be healthier — we even go to the gym together now, so I think I’m fitter and prettier with him than before him. BUT everyone is different.

Post # 25
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

I think we just get tired. 🙂 Looking pretty takes a lot of work.

I have been with my husband for 22 years, but I still try to look nice at home. I make sure my hair is brushed, cute pajamas etc.

Post # 26
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ok, so maybe this is just the newlywed in me talking, but, every time I see a girl whose hair looks like it took an hour of sustained effort, I think “wow, babe, you haven’t been having enough fun lately.” In my experience, sexytime definitely takes a toll on making-oneself-presentable-time. Only so many hours in a day, you know?

 

Post # 27
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ha this is so true. My husband and I joke about this all the time. I’m a stay at home mom/wife, so when he comes home from work, I’m in my grubs with a messy bun or braid, glasses and usually some kind of face cream smeared on. I look anything but hot and sexy! But you know what, whatever I dont care. I’m comfortable around him, and love being able to be comfy around him.

However, when he does take me out on the weekends, I do put forth some effort in looking good, like my hair and makeup, and a decent outfit, so its not like I’m just grubby all day, every damn day. Plus, I work out. I can probably use some more tonage, but I’m happy. And you know what they say : A happy wife is a happy life! 🙂

Post # 28
Member
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh and I realize this is slightly off topic, but I remember seeing this serial mistress on Dr. Phil, and she said it was the wives fault for their men cheating because they “let themselves go”. I remember watching this right after I had my son, and thinking, “Women, you haven’t had babies. Tell me after pushing out a baby, and surviving off of 3 hrs sleep a night, and catering to every cry and whimper, being the best mom you can be, and still tell me you think its the wife’s fault!”. Uggh. In the words of Courtney from this seasons bachelor, ” I wanted to verbally assault her!”. lol.

 

Post # 29
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

no  surprises for Darling Husband here. I never wear or wore makeup and always in lounge clothes at home. I hardly wear a bra at home and my hair in a bun LOL He is used to it and knew it before he married me 🙂 So, if that is letting myself go then I let myself go a long time before meeting Darling Husband. I have gained some weight since getting married but no heavier than when Darling Husband met me. I know that Darling Husband loves the way I look anyway 😀

Post # 30
Member
11377 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I just wonder why as women (I know not all women!) we tend to doll up for people we don’t know, but fail to do the same for our loved ones?

Because my husband is my best friend & one of the few people I feel comfortable with in that way! But when we go out on date nights, I am dressing up for him! 😉

The topic ‘The “letting herself go” phenomenon’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors