The +1/guest titling on invites… am I being sensitive?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is this...
    rude - you're not a guest! : (55 votes)
    57 %
    lady... you're jealous, get over it! : (21 votes)
    22 %
    at least you were invited :) : (21 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2006

    If the primary point of contact between you and the couple was your SO, then yes, you are his “guest.” 

    Post # 17
    Member
    4910 posts
    Honey bee

    It’s rude. I got the first and last name of my good friends newish gf and put her name on the invite. I did that for everyone  it wasn’t hard. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    619 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2019

    It’s rude. I give a pass on the invite, but not on the escort card! There should’ve been a space on the RSVP card so the hosts know who will be in attendance as the guest. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    197 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Since you don’t live together, you should have gotten your own invitation at your own address. People are just so fucking stupid.

    Post # 21
    Member
    1631 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t really understand this etiquette rule and why it matters though, or why people care so much.  It’s just an invitation to a party and you’re invited. 

    You should get your own escort card though. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    626 posts
    Busy bee

    Based on the fact that you don’t live together, I think you are overreacting. Despite being ettiquette, I’d imagine it might also throw off the postman if he’s never seen your name beofre on any mail or packages. Some people might consider that.

    Add to that, you shared the engagement party invites were sent by the groom’s dad. I’m sure you’re lovely and he remembers meeting you, but that is probably the last thing on his mind. I’m sure he just thought “oh yeah, Mark is dating that girl. I’ll put him down for having a guest.”

    Post # 23
    Member
    2658 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    I think it’s rude, even if you don’t live together. The only reason I can think of that someone would put “& guest” instead of a SOs name is that they’re worried you will break up and want to make it clear which half of the couple is invited and that they are still allowed to bring a guest that isn’t you. Even so, I don’t think this is cool. We invited the SOs of all our guests by name regardless of whether they lived together or not and of how long they had been dating. “& guest”s are only for people who are truly single, in my opinion.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1462 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    Yes to rude, yes to being sensitive.

    I’m pretty sure that I addressed the invites with both people’s names and whether they lived together or not, I used the address of the partner with whom we are originally friends. I’m not sure if it breaches any etiquette rules, but I don’t think this is that hard to do, especially if you know the SO’s name.

    At the same time, I wouldn’t take it personally. Maybe it was just easier for the bride or groom to create and print labels (if the invites weren’t handwritten) with the default “and Guest”. Or maybe they don’t think it’s a big deal so assume it’s the same for their guests’ SOs. Who knows.

    Post # 25
    Member
    6813 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    sweatergal007 :  Exactly. In this day and age it’s just lazy and rude to not try to figure out someone’s SO’s name. I made sure to include everyone’s full names on our invites, because that is the way I would like to be treated. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    197 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    curiouscat2017 :  Based on the fact that she did not receive an invitation, she has not, in fact, been invited.  Her SO was invited, and he is welcome to bring a guest.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1631 posts
    Bumble bee

    ohitsheragain :  but isn’t it a given that she’s the guest? It would be weird if he randomly brought someone else. 

    I’m used to people only contacting one person out of a couple when inviting a couple to things. The default assumption is your SO is invited and that the contacted person will coordinate on behalf of the couple. I don’t even have the phone numbers of some of my close friend’s boyfriends despite seeing the guy often because she and I just coordinate directly. Yet these wedding etiquette rules are inverted. 

    I don’t have an independent friendship with any of these SOs–if they broke up I would never see or talk to these guys ever again. At the end of the day, they ARE the guest of my friend and aren’t actually invited in their own right, no matter how stable they are. I don’t understand why the etiquette rule is to pretend otherwise.  

    Post # 28
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee

    clipclop1023 : 

    Not living together would require you to receive your own invitation if you were invited independent of your SO in my circle.  

    IMO, it sounds like you’re not as close to these couples as you thought.  I wouldn’t take the way the invitations are addressed as them trying to be disrespectful of your relationship with SO, but rather the couples don’t view you as someone they would invite if you weren’t dating your SO.  

    Post # 29
    Member
    5583 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Considering you don’t live with your Boyfriend or Best Friend and you aren’t close enough to be invited on your own, I think you are overreacting.  While they could have included your name on the invite I don’t think it’s that big of a deal that they haven’t.

    Post # 30
    Member
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I did this for an engaged couple, because our wedding invitations were very formal and my husband’s friend’s fiance goes by a strange nickname. Neither of us could figure out what her real name was and my husband didn’t want to ask his friend. So, this post makes me feel bad about addressing her as “guest” on the invitation! We ended up putting her nickname on the seating chart.

    Also, my opinion is that you can still be in a very serious relationship if you don’t live together. I think if you’ve been seriously dating for that many years, there’s no reason living together would be a factor for your invitation.

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