The +1/guest titling on invites… am I being sensitive?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is this...
    rude - you're not a guest! : (55 votes)
    57 %
    lady... you're jealous, get over it! : (21 votes)
    22 %
    at least you were invited :) : (21 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    634 posts
    Busy bee

    clipclop1023 :  I think you are being overly sensitive. While you socialize with this people regularly, you are friends with them through your SO. Even though your relationship may be very stable, you are not invited to this wedding in your own right, you are invited to this wedding through your relationship with your SO. Were your name on the envelope,  you would be invited in your own right.

    The fact that these couples have put “and guest” is the acknowledgement of you and your relationship. They are extending to your SO the ability to bring a date, which they expect to be you. However, in the event that you were to break up before this event, they haven’t invited “you” specifically, and it is one less stress for them to worry about whether they have to “uninvite” you to the wedding.

    I am putting “and guest” for all our plus ones who aren’t married or engaged, even if I know the person that is the expected plus one for this exact reason.

    Post # 32
    Member
    6866 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    To chime in on what others have said, I get being irritated but I don’t see it as being the end of the world. Like a previous poster mentioned perhaps they were giving everyone, regardless of relationship status, a +1. If you invite Jim Smith and guest, it’s assumed he will bring the person he is in a relationship with. If Jim and his SO were to break up, “and guest” shows that he is still able to bring a date and the couple does not need to continue to invite his previous SO if that’s no who they were friends with.

    I get it, you guys are en established couple. It’s super annoying to not be acknowledged as such (I’ve totally been there!!). Just remember that you are invited and that’s what is important.

    Darling Husband and I were together 12 years before we got married, so I know all about being the one who isn’t engaged/married. Back prior to being engaged/married Darling Husband once got an invite to a wedding where he was the only one invited. The kicker was that Darling Husband and I had been together for EIGHT YEARS at that point, and owned a home together, which the groom had stayed in as our guest before. Needless to say Darling Husband declined the invite because that was super rude. We’d been together longer than the bride and groom had even known each other….lol.

    Post # 33
    Member
    47146 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    People are rude and lazy. When they are both at the same time, things like this happen. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    sbottoms :  Well that was just wrong. You should have found out her name!

    Post # 35
    Member
    585 posts
    Busy bee

    I would feel exactly the same. And yeah, its being sensitive but its also validated sensitivity.

    You and your partner, whether you live together or not, are in a serious rekationship and the invite should reflect that.

    Let alone the fact you also have a personal relationship with these people.

    Maybe they have a massive wedding and got lazy with invites, maybe someone else wrote the invites for them and they forgot, who knows… there is so much to plan in a wedding so I wouldnt take it personally long term πŸ™‚

    Post # 37
    Member
    2201 posts
    Buzzing bee

    ctbxbee :  I agree with this. 

    OP, what if you got sick and couldn’t make it? Or had another commitment that day? The “and guest” allows your SO (the person they know and are inviting to their wedding) the option of bringing someone else. Wouldn’t it also be rude to be in a new relationship, attend a wedding with an SO and have his ex’s name on your escort card because they assumed that’s who would be sitting there? 

    Are you sure your reaction is about your name not being on invite/escort card, and not the fact that you are still a waiting bee?

    Post # 38
    Member
    114 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    Personally I think if they’ve met you and know you enough to know your name, they should have put it on the invite.  When I was addressing invites, I found out the last names of the few SO’s of friends we were inviting but whose full names we didn’t know so we could address the invites properly. If you’re offering a +1 and know who that person is, be polite and use their name! Go ahead and feel annoyed at their laziness, and then move on. Weddings have so many details, and obviously they messed up on this one. 

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    6047 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    If you do not live together, then you are either a +1 or get your own invitation with no guest included. Had you received your own invitation, would you be here complaining how you and your SO weren’tincluded as a unit? My point is that people are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. You’re invited, so let it go.

    Post # 40
    Member
    83 posts
    Worker bee

    I think it’s rude!! In this world of social media it takes two seconds to find out someone’s name (if they didn’t know already).  My fiancé and I DO live together and we recently attended his friend’s wedding  They addressed the invitation to Mr. x and fiancé! Wtf?! At the wedding I was guest on the seating card. Either it’s complete lack of etiquette knowledge or just complete lack of caring  

     

    Post # 41
    Member
    1020 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    clipclop1023 :  it’s very hard, since you don’t live together. Maybe they were trying to give your boyfriend an opportunity to decide for himself, instead of judging your relationship.

     

    Post # 42
    Member
    832 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    To all those saying that op is invited and to let it go, the point is that she’s NOT invited. Her so is invited with an, and guest. That,and guest, can be whoever he chooses to bring. It probably will be the op but he could also decide that he wants to bring a random friend or even his 3rd grade baby sitter. That’s what’s so fantastic about plus ones. You can literally use them to bring anybody because there’s no specific name on the invite. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    495 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

    “However, in the event that you were to break up before this event, they haven’t invited “you” specifically, and it is one less stress for them to worry about whether they have to “uninvite” you to the wedding.”

    Nah this is not about the nature of the r/s between the two people (married people could also end up in divorce). It is about acknowledging the people who will be there to celebrate your wedding. It takes a phone call/text msg/face-to-face to find out if your guest wants to bring someone to your wedding and what their name is. 

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    597 posts
    Busy bee

    While I do agree that it’s rude, if that’s the biggest problem you’ve got going on, you’re doing pretty good πŸ™‚

    Post # 45
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Well my Darling Husband friends still put me as guest even after we married lol. Don’t really care..

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