The +1/guest titling on invites… am I being sensitive?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is this...
    rude - you're not a guest! : (55 votes)
    57 %
    lady... you're jealous, get over it! : (21 votes)
    22 %
    at least you were invited :) : (21 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    4858 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I don’t find that intentionally rude. I definitely think putting your name would be more polite but I wouldn’t take that as a deliberate slight. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee

    clipclop1023 :  I think this post is hilarious because I personally have been sooooo pissed off about this. We live together, but even if you don’t, I think including the SO’s full name is the curtious thing to do. In my experience, my friends have written both our names on invites, but for his friends’ weddings the invitations only say his name… which pisses me off even more. But it’s only made me extra cautious when addressing my own invites now 😉 

    Post # 49
    Member
    734 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    clipclop1023 :  It is very rude on their part (although I’m sure it’s not personal), and I think your SO should mention it to them. He can bring it up in a way that isn’t confrontational or a big deal, he can just say, “so is Clip Clop invited too since her name isn’t on the invite?” Something like that. Even before Darling Husband and I were engaged he absolutely would have said something if my name wasn’t included on the invite, especially if it was people I knew as well. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    420 posts
    Helper bee

    So I’m still not clear on what the proper etiquette is here? No option seems right to me:

    include both names on invite: seems strange and presumptuous when person doesn’t live at that address

    include name and +1: rude not to give person’s name since you know who they’re going to bring

    separate invites going to each address: also seems strange because they are being invited as a social unit.

    Post # 51
    Member
    907 posts
    Busy bee

    I think its rude. I think out of my 185 person wedding I only had two people who were true plus ones. How hard is it to just ask for the persons name? We had 2 groomsman with Girlfriend I had never met. I just asked for their name so they could be properly addressed on the invite. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    907 posts
    Busy bee

    wonderwedding :  I address with envelope with both names even if one person doesn’t live there. I guess it gets sent to the main person you are inviting. I wouldn’t waste the postage on sending a second invite. 

    Post # 53
    Member
    734 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    wonderwedding :  the proper etiquette is to include both names on invite even if they don’t live together. It definitely felt weird to do it when I sent out invites for my wedding so I know what you mean, but I think it’s the best option. It is a total waste of paper and postage to send two seperate invites to both people in the couple, and like you said it doesn’t acknowledge that they are a unit. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    1600 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Darling Husband and I went to a wedding when we were ENGAGED and he was still listed as “guest” on the invite. I thought it was super rude but I guess it happens. I feel u!

    Post # 55
    Member
    942 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    It’s really not a huge deal , I can understand if you were married , or living together which you aren’t either one , You are considered a plus 1 , I’m sure it wasn’t anything personal I think you may be taking this a little bit too much to heart.. It is easier to just have the plus one on the invites because sometimes people do break up and how awkward is it to address a wedding invitation with a name the person is no longer with? This happened in my case to at least 2 couples and i am glad i did not have both names on invites and envelopes , HOWEVER we did have name cards and filled out everyone’s name that we received on the RSVP’s i am sure this will be the same case for you! 

    Post # 56
    Member
    771 posts
    Busy bee

    I can’t believe how many rude-ass people are like, “Don’t be offended! They’re just trying to give your SO the freedom to bring whoever he wants! It’s not personal”.

     

    Like no, it’s lazy and rude. I’d be annoyed too. Honestly, usually when we get an invite from someone from SO’s side it says “and guest” and when we get an invite from someone on my side it usually says his full name. Then the weddings on my side are nicer, better hosted, and we get a prompt thank you note. On his side, it’s sometimes a cash bar, always a gap, and we’ve never gotten a thank you note. Honestly, it speaks volumes.

    Post # 57
    Member
    735 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2018

    Yikes – so I have family members that have been dating people for a long time but fight ALL the time and are always off again / on again. On save the dates I just left the names off, and on invitations I was planning on doing a +1 just in case… now I am not so sure. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    614 posts
    Busy bee

     

    yogabride2018 :  Just do the plus one!!  This would be hugely complicated if you include the names because at that point, they are technically invited.  It opens a whole different can of worms.  You don’t want on again/off again relationship drama dragged into your wedding!!

    Post # 59
    Member
    1516 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    Rude. Only people who were addressed as “guest” on our invites were when we were just offering plus ones to people that we didn’t know to be married / in serious relationships, and didn’t know a name to write down.

    Post # 60
    Member
    1363 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

    eurasianbee :  Oh, hmm…in my case dates were very limited and offered mostly only to those who were married, engaged or living together, but for the few exceptions we made (like people who would be all alone and know not a soul otherwise), we wrote “& guest” so that they could choose to bring a friend or a sibling too. But most of our friends are not local, so we wanted to give people that option.

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