Post # 1
Ex Fiance is doing a lot of begging me to reconsider, offering to go to rehab (which I think he should), etc.
I feel firm in my decision that I want to move out and move on without him. Of course I still have a small hope maybe one day it could work out but I have just been through so much drama and pain that I feel in my heart I am over it. Almost like too little, too late. I begged for rehab so many times — and only until he knows I am finished does he offer. This does not seem genuine.
He says he is not a full blown addict but that when he feels sad (or other strong emotions) his first instinct is to go buy pills, cocaine. I feel that is what an addict is. Maybe he is not constantly using … but he has no coping skills.
Anyway, these next few weeks living together are going to just be so tough. We sleep apart but I can tell he is trying to rekindle. I fantasize about purchasing a cheap condo, decorating it and enjoying a glass of wine … free from all of the heartache. I fantasize about having fun again, meeting people, first experiences with someone new…
Then sometimes I get extremely scared and sad. I wonder if starting over in my early 30’s means it is “too late” for me to ever have a family. I wonder if I am being foolish and these daydreams are not going to be my reality.
The hardest thing in the world right now is to trust that there are better things in store.
Who else started over, truly from scratch, after 30? Do you have any regrets?
Post # 2
You know what my husband does when he’s sad? He plays piano. Works in his woodshop. Goes for a bikeride. Don’t get sucked back in. And YES, I absolutely started from scratch waaaay after 30. Way way way after. And now I’m married to the MOST wonderful man ever! Don’t settle for this guy just because you think you’re too old. That would be a huge mistake.
Post # 3
Started over at 32, met my now husband right away, was married to him less than three years from meeting him. Life is so much easier and happier.
Post # 4
would you rather be miserable and settle for someone who doesn’t make you happy or start again?
i say start again. you never when when and how you will find true love.
Post # 5
I was widowed at 30 so I had no choice. Going back wasn’t an option.
My advice would be to NOT wait. Go out there, live, learn who you are, learn to believe in yourself and make peace with the ‘possiblity’ that you may be alone for a while. Then, when you know you’re ready, find the right one.
Post # 6
Just about to get married to the man of my dreams, at the absolutely ANCIENT age of 35. I am so much more secure in my place in the world, in the things I need and want now than I ever was before 30.
Why would you stay with a man who’s coping mechanism involves cocaine? 30 is NOT the end of the world. It was just the beginning of mine. Please, leave him, get your little condo, figure out who you are and where you fit and what you want. There are amazing things out there waiting for you, but you have to leave him to go find them. Go…now!
Post # 7
My sister is a good example for you. Her long-term, live-in boyfriend left her last year (a year ago today, actually) after almost 10 years. She was 33, he was 37. She was devastated for months because she truly thought she was going to marry him. They were very different – she loved traveling, he loved staying home; she wanted marriage and kids, he dragged his feet with commitment etc, but she loved being with him. He left her as she was about to buy a house, because he realized he “wasn’t in love with her anymore.”
She took a few months to heal, regroup, and travel places she never would’ve gone with him, still bought a house on her own, and met a new guy over the summer at age 34. They’ve only been together a few months, but they’re already talking about moving in together after the holidays and what they would want for a wedding. They are both in their mid-30s and on the same page with what they want in life. She is happier than she ever was with her ex and never thought she would feel this way.
There are better things out there for you, trust me. Once you rid yourself of the baggage and pain, you will open yourself up to the right person to come along. Get that cheap condo and make it yours – start fresh and welcome what is to come!! Sending positive vibes your way. ❤️
Post # 8
I did it. Being in a relationship with an addict is akin to living in hell. Or with a constant broken, painful limb attached to your body. Once you’re free of it, really really really free, you will be so YOU again that you will never, ever be tempted to go back to that hell. All the sudden you’ll realize you can walk again, run again (metaphorically speaking), without the pain.
I am now living the life of my dreams and very happily married because I cut an addict / abuser out of my life. It will happen for you, too. Stay strong!
Post # 9
“I am not an addict” – every addict.
Move on. He’s still in denial. Going to rehab right now is likely a ploy to keep you and not to get better. He can go to rehab if he wants but you’ve put up with enough.
Post # 10
Why do people get so suck on a certain age preventing you from doing anything?
This is your life. You only get one shot.
If you want to be free go after it. You know this current situation is grossly unhealthy.
If you want to stay, fine but you aren’t victim you are a willing particpant.
Post # 11
Stay with an addict and you’ll be “starting over” when you’re 37 or 40 or 45 or older. Do you think that would be any easier than starting over now? The longer you stay with an addict, the longer it will be before you can have a relationship with someone who turns to YOU for comfort rather than drugs – AND the longer it will be before you have anyone to turn to for comfort.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
My first marriage ended right after I turned 30. Six months later I met the man of my dreams, I’m now 34, happily married and 38 weeks pregnant with our first child. In the 13 years I spent with my ex, we never came close to being ready for a family, weren’t able to own a home (which I do now), he was abusive and I wasn’t really living. Your ex isn’t ready to give you the life you want right now, and rushing into marriage and children with an addict isnt smart.
Post # 13
Left a serious relationship at 29. My hubby and I both found each other in our early 30’s (he was married, and divorced) and couldn’t be happier. I’m so glad I didn’t let the number on my driver’s license affect my life choices. Of course he should go to rehab. But not for you, or because of you. I would totally GET that condo, be on your own. Read Codependent No More. Invest in all your other relationships, start dating. Good luck bee
Post # 14
If you don’t stay strong and break from this guy, I’m almost certain you will look back on this decision with a lot of regret. He’ll almost certainly disappoint you again, and you’ll be even older.
for the record, I divorced at 30. No regrets.
Post # 15
I met my DH at 31 after being single for 5 years. DH got divorced at 31, only to meet me shortly thereafter. There is hope; actually there is more than hope! You are mature and know what you are looking for, you know how to spot red flags, you know what your dealbreakers are. You are in a sweet spot to start over and find your person!