(Closed) The "after 30" unknown is so scary…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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soulful1 :  I started over at 31. It’s 10 years later and I’m getting married next fall to the most wonderful man, who I never would have met had I stayed in a relationship that wasn’t right for me. 

Post # 47
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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soulful1 :  it is absolutely not too late for you. Do yourself a favor by freezing your eggs so that you don’t feel pressured into taking him back or taking just about anyone that comes along as your husband. With modern medicine being where it’s at today, women have no need to use the “baby window” as an excuse to undervalue themselves! Seriously, research it, give yourself some time, and love yourself. 

Post # 48
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I started again and am early 30s. I am so, so glad I did. Life is so much better; you just have to get to the other side.

Post # 49
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1 posts
Wannabee

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soulful1 :  A lot of people will here say dont go back, especially if you are doing it out of fear.  I agree that is not a good reason to go back to someone.  

But I also believe in second chances and working on relationships, and although a lot of people say when its right its easy, but i know others who go through tough times to get to that easy, love and support and can be repaid many times if the person learns their lesson.  I have seen friends who are drug addicts, do terrible things and never change, and other friends who really took stock of what they are doing and did change, for a celebrity example, see Tom Hardy’s biography.  

A bit about my story, and why i sometimes try to ask people to see the other side of things:

 I lost my ex because I went through depression, I have worked very hard to cure my depression, seen therapists and counsellors etc, took a lot of time to think about what caused me to be that way and fixed it.  I doubt I will get a second chance with my ex, but if I did I know I am changed man and would bring back the amazing times we had when we first got together, we had something special.  It took losing her to really confront it, before then I knew i had depression and so did she, but I refused to acknowledge it.  It can take a break up to really wake you up.  My point is if you think you have something special with him and you can be convinced he is changed, I think second chances and forgiveness are wonderful things if they work, but you have to be sure.  

But if you its only fear of being alone and you want to be free of him, then go be single.  I am 36 yr old guy, now depression free, good job, kind hearted, im not perfect but I think I am a good man, and I am single and ‘starting out again, I have days of being terrified I will never have a family and other days where I feel the world is my oyster and someone special is out there waiting for me.  

I am always trying to improve myself and be better so the next person who comes into my life I will be amazing for.   I may have missed my chance at a family with a wonderful woman but hope I will find another and use the lessons of my past to be the best possible person I can be for her.  

I guess another strategy (which is an option I wish I had been given), if you still hold a little bit of hope in your heart that he may sort himself out is to break it off, tell him its no good saying that he WILL change, but to come find you again when he HAS changed.  Go enjoy your single life, condo etc, and if in a year or so you feel he has changed and you want him back then consider it.  Be careful he doesnt pin his hopes on it, becuase he may relapse if thats all he holds on to and you have moved on in that time.  ultimately someone has to change for themselves, so cliche but true I know this from personal experience, but iif he truly has changed and you dont want him back in a year he hopefully wont.  

Sorry that was a bit of an essay because I empathize with both sides, its tricky. Good luck

Post # 50
Member
2988 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t have any personal experience in this but Mandy Moore is my idol and she just got divorced at 31 or so. I think a lot of women trap themselves and feel “stuck.” Life isn’t a spectator sport smile

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